To be surprised at someone being pregnant at 44

[Onempretime7788]

I would have thought post 35 was rare

My mum had me at 42 in the 70s. I did have my DCs before 35 but a lot of my friends had their firsts later or had a third at 40-ish. In my NCT class I was the youngest at 30!!

Maybe Op is a man?

Some men seem to be genuinely clueless about women and pregnancy. They either seem to think we can’t have kids past early 30s - and some of that is due to the influence of red pill rhetoric about women expiring at 25 - or the other extreme, where they don’t think about the biological clock at all.

And they also don’t seem to realise the impact of ageing on their own sperm.

I agree with you, but the smug, judgemental comments works both ways.

‘well, in more educated circles women have children older’ (or ‘in London…’)

’I was too busy travelling the world in my 20s and becoming CEO in my 30s for children’

As if only thick, boring brood mares from oop Norf would be stupid enough to have children before 35.

I didn’t really think about the age aspect at the time, but when I was 10 I had a friend whose mum was 40+ when she had his little sister.

I had a vague awareness that she was considered an older mum but wasn’t astonished by it or anything and knew it happened like that .

So I’m wondering why I knew this from age 10 and yet an adult doesn’t know this.

Again this does make me think it’s a man if it’s not a wind up.

Seriously?
I got pregnant at 52.
How, l have no idea (well, l do, but....) I was perimenopausal and he'd had chemo for testicular cancer.
I miscarried, not surprisingly, but of course it's possible if you're still having periods.

This topic is clearly gold on MN. Always illicits hundreds of replies and turns into a bit of a bun fight.

Most reasonable people would
a) not be surprised by a 44 yr old woman having a baby
b) acknowledge it is quite an old age to have a baby

On an anonymous forum, people will also go into detail with their thoughts and judgement, which in reality you might spend a few moments thinking privately and then move on.

This can happen at any age. My mum was 29 when she had her son with Downs Syndrome and my friend had a daughter with DS also in her twenties. I have taught many children with ASD with young parents.

Yeah I have to say my close friend who has 3 kids had her first aged 24, she bought her house and married the same year and is now a 6 figure earner in law. She also has traveled abroad with me and other friends, and I know she travels solo, and with her family. She is also London based!

She married a great guy and has a supportive family on both sides which has obviously helped her to “have it all” but yeah there’s nothing wrong with having kids in your 20s.

I know many...and it's not a time for teenagers. From first hand experience

Unless you have experienced it, how do you know it’s not good ?

Oh you are so wrong when you see others who have loving grandparents. Little girl next door has one very elderly grandparents who is bed bound. She asks her mum why she can't have a gran, it's such a shame. Sees her friends going to grandparents for sleepovers etc

Of course it can happen at any age, but the likelihood increases as the age of the parents increases.

I always find that interesting as in 11 years of teaching additional needs I've barely come across any 'older parents'.

However I know what you are saying is correct. It just hasn't been my personal experience.

Goodness , well i don’t really on grandparents to help out. Most adults have plans to manage without grandparents when they decide to have kids

So you actually mean not a time for you and presumably difficult teenagers.

You must realize that isn't a universal experience, are you meaning to speak for everyone?

I think it’s probably more common for women to have children in their mid thirties than below thirty now so post 35 is not rare at all.
My sister in law had her first and only at 42, my other sister in law had her last one at 43. My Grandmother had her last baby at 44 and I work with someone whose Mum had her at 45.
I had my first at 30 and last at 37, I would say most of the children in my youngest child’s class have parents a similar age to myself (early 40’s) there are a couple of parents in their late 20’s but the rest are mid 30’s onwards.

That’s fair enough. I don’t think it sounds coercive at all, lots of people change their mind on kids as they get older or meet the right person. Sounds like she knows her own mind and is aware of the possibility of it being more difficult or not happening if left till later in life.
I think someone who’s happy to have a life with or without children will approach ttc differently than someone who definitely wants to be a parent anyway - The stakes are much lower so the timeline can be looser.

I just think a lot of people think having babies whenever they choose will be smooth sailing (and of course it’s exactly that for some) but for others it can be very different. I think there’s a lot of talk around pregnancy prevention which is very important but very little about fertility in general which is also very important considering it affects 1 in 6 people.

People should also be aware that not everyone is open about having help to get pregnant (as is their right) so perceptions might be skewed on how easy it is to get pregnant into your mid to late 40s.

Most teenagers aren’t actually out of control nightmares.

Hard relate. I’m 36 and on the fence most of the time, but DP wants one (thankfully just one!), so we’ll start TTC in a couple of years when I’ll just have turned 38. Can’t start earlier because of other life stuff.

May I ask if you had your DS through IVF? I have no issue going down the IVF route (and I froze my eggs a few years ago, so my chances of IVF success are ever so slightly higher as would be using younger eggs), but would prefer to conceive naturally.

That’s very strange . I would argue abnormal behaviour. I certainly wasn’t jealous of anyone going to grandparents houses when I was a kid. “Why can’t I have a gran” never heard such bull tbh

How many awful stories do you read on here about disinterested GPs who have never looked after the grandchildren, or awful MiLs where the parents have gone NC? DS 1 still had a granny when he was little, she wasn't interested at all. Wouldn't even hold him as a baby.

It's not me ,a close relative . I would not presume to speak for everyone but I'm just reiterating that a time of life when your body slows down, health issues often kick in having a teenager is not ideal...that's what I'm saying I see it first hand. Most teenagers have their challenges difficult or not. And there is also the issue of them being for example at university when one is in ones 70s.. financial implications... you can't possibly help them out if you are on a pension. Not that you have to of course but its nice to be able to ease that for them ahould you wish . Wait til you are in your 60s you might see what I mean then...you are possibly to young to grasp it now and how much energy levels drop

Being pregnant at 35 is not that rare, but being pregnant at 44 is. On Mumsnet you will get multiple posters claiming that loads of women they know had 2 or 3 babies in their 40s, and that 44 is a perfectly normal age to have a baby.

It's really not.

Parallel world of Mumsnet and all that.

@MO0N · Today 13:38

Of course it can happen at any age, (having a baby with special needs,) but the likelihood increases as the age of the parents increases.

@Mumstheword1983

I always find that interesting as in 11 years of teaching additional needs I've barely come across any 'older parents'.

That will be because, despite what you see on Mumsnet, most people are not having babies in their mid 40s and older! So the likelihood of you seeing a child with additional needs with a mother who had them at 44 is very low. Because the vast majority of people are not having babies at that age!

It's not just you though, it's also the health of your partner.

I had my two children at 36 and 38. I think that is much more common now than it was. Over 40 is still rare, I think, and would usually involve some kind of assisted reproduction, IVF or donor egg etc.