To be surprised at someone being pregnant at 44

[Onempretime7788]

I would have thought post 35 was rare

People seem to forget that women historically kept having children until they stopped getting pregnant and delivering live babies!

It's so depressing to see so many handmaidens that seem to think they've won some kind of race by having children younger than others and using it as a cudgel to knick other women and their choices

Just to be clear - I'm not bashing the choice to have children younger, just those vocal and vitriolic about it.

Of course, fertility declines and that is a real issue, but it's not the only issue. Some people (women and men) are infertile or struggle with low fertility, whether they are 19, 29 or 39. That's just a fact of life!

There is always an element of nastiness in these debates that smacks if pure misogyny.

I thought that too at 32. I had to have IVF.

You also have to factor male fertility issues.

Still have very regularly periods (27-28 days) at 43.

Honestly, I really thought getting pregnant would be easy for me - regular cycles, healthy, fit, young, loads of kids in my family.

I was very wrong. You cannot presume anything.

If retirement age is 70 you’d be working and not on a position to help anyway..

A lot. More than ever in fact.

Personally I wouldn't make the automatic link though. Again, I appreciate my own personal experience is actually a very small sample of people in the grand scheme of things, but from my own experience I would attribute an undeniable rise in SEN to environmental factors (rise in technology, diet etc). Obviously there could be a link to parental age, but it's so hard to pinpoint it to one thing when so many things have changed in society in the last 20+ years. It's an interesting point though.

I think demographically there’s massive variation in what age is considered the norm, or unusual, to have children.

In places where many people tend to stay in the same area after school, working from 18 onwards, having kids in a woman’s mid to late twenties may be the norm. And so a woman having children at 35 or older will seem a bit unusual.

Conversely, amongst women who were at university until their early or mid twenties, then moved around, possibly including overseas, 35 could well be the youngest age they’d even consider having children.

My friend who recently went to NCT classes in an area of Cambridge where lots of the parents were senior academics, was the ‘young mum’ in her late thirties. The rest of the mums were in their early forties. Though of course there could well be lots of other women who tried to get pregnant in their forties and were unable to. By definition we’re only aware of those who were successful.

My cousin had hers at 17, and 42.
Sil had her second at 36.

in london women have the first kid around 33 (oldest in the uk) and this is the median. so yep, unusual, specifically if its the first.

I was born when my mother was 32. I had no grandparents because they had remarried and had their children ( my parents) later. What you've never had, you never miss.

Goodness, grandparents i know who are working also help out , but they are younger than 70 obviously. Retirement age is coming up to 67 now but only 8 per cent of 67 year olds are working . Young working people I know are aware of retirement age and making provision in their private pensions to retire much earlier. There is unlikely to b a state pension...will b means tested...so I'm sure majority will rely on earlier private pensions kicking in. .so govt dictated retirement will b irrelevant

Of the children with special needs in my son's year, the parents are all around 20 years younger than me, including the woman with twins, one of which has ADHD and the other is NT. All diagnosed by NHS.

Had to be a wind up thread or someone who barely lives outside their own head.

A relative of mine gave birth at 49 - and she’s still here at 90

What??

Most of my friends (and me) had kids in our 40s. What's the big deal? Not everyone wants to have children when they're younger - they may want to be progressing up a career ladder, working until they have a 'cushion', go travelling, etc.

It might be normal and not uncommon but it is far from optimal.

Agree. The first of my friends to have a baby was 33. Late 30’s was the norm in our circle

Someone having a baby at 44 is not that surprising as it will be perfectly possible for some women. But fertility clinics give statistics of a 3-5% chance of natural conception per cycle in a woman of that age (compared to 25% chance per cycle for a woman in her early 30s).

Therefore for a woman of 44, she is far more likely NOT to have conceived after a year of trying, by which time she is 45 and the odds are worse still. So it's also not usual/commonplace to have a baby at 44 (though that is skewed by the fact that most women won't be trying to conceive at that age anyway).

I'm very happy for women who want to conceive in their 40s and are successful but I think it's risky to assume that "I am still having periods so I can conceive whenever I want". I really wish it was as simple as that but it isn't. I had my first child at 30, conceived straight away, no issues. Started trying for second at 35 and it took 5 years. Took a year to conceive but then had multiple miscarriages and investigations - had poor AMH levels (indicated low egg levels/poor quality eggs), progesterone too low in luteal phase so was starting to lose my womb lining before embryo embedded, uterine scarring (reduced chance for embryo to catch hold) and to cap it all an auto immune disorder with no other symptoms apart from my body rejecting the embryo as hostile. I seemed outwardly healthy and was having regular periods.

I did conceive again naturally at almost 40 and armed with knowledge of the above managed to keep the pregnancy thanks to a blood plasma transfusion.

I'm now nearly 52 and still having regular periods but I can't kid myself that I could just decide to have another baby if I wanted to (I don't and have a copper coil just in case).

Im 52 too ,even if you did get pregnant i suspect the chances of having a full term healthy pregnancy and baby are greatly reduced.

In many areas of the U.K. it would be outside of the norm but on mumsnet it’s probably average. Because having kids post 40 is wonderful and responsible and anything under 35 is ridiculously young and you’ll be dragging your kids up and giving them terrible start in life.

Not good in what way?

Do you know many 60 year olds? It's not the 19th century, they aren't somehow decripit

Not surprising and never would've been. My grandfather was born (in 1918) when his mother was 46. Eleanor of Aquitaine had King John when she was 42 and that was in 1166.

Not good for you maybe. Some are perfectly happy with it.

I did not even want a baby until age 37. I had ds aged 41.

before reliable contraception people had kids throughout their fertile years. But it would have been kid number 8 in your 40s not waiting until you’re over 40 to even try. They feel different to me some how. Like with the first one you’re tried and tested and you have probably much older children around and there was more of a community back then.

These days, post 40 probably caring responsibilities for elderly parents looming on the horizon and no experience of raising kids prior. If anything it would seem much harder to transition from your comfortable life you’ve had for years into the trenches of the early days of parenthood. Less of a village and no older kids to help with the younger.

im now 40 but my kids are older. When I had mine my MIL and mother were fit and able to look after them. My mother in law now has dementia and needs to be cared for and my mother has developed quite a few health issues in her 60s. Though still able to watch older kids I wouldn’t leave her with a tot. I’m very glad I didn’t wait until my 40s to have them. Don’t get me wrong, I’m fit active and energetic and in no way do I feel too old to be pregnant, give birth and care for a baby. But my village is now elderly rather than middle aged and I’m quite happy channeling my boundless early 40s energy into active stuff for myself.

44 is not unusual. It’s not ideal.
30 is ideal.
20 to 24 is peak time.
38 onwards is dicing with fertility.
Menopause with a teenager is bad, menopause with a toddler is really bad.

In middle class circles it isn’t acceptable before 35 onwards.

I am 45, I’m the youngest mother in DD group of friends, she is 17, I was 28 giving birth, her friends parents well in the 50’s, most are divorced. I’ll be 52 when DS is 17, dreading it, couldn’t imagine been 52 with a 7 year old. I should have had mine earlier in hindsight.

Tbh a lot of her friends have problems with their parents as the parents just want peace and quiet, between menopause and their full life before children, they’re burnt out, very little input or patience. Generation disaster

We’ve definitely had a conversation about it and of course she knows all about my miscarriage history.
For years she’s told me that she never wants children and despite me telling her her that she’d maybe change her mind one day when she meets someone special she was always adamant that she never wanted any. Guess what, she’s met that someone special and children are being talked about by them both. Before you say anything about her being coerced into having children by either me or her boyfriend I can tell you that isn’t the case. My DD isn’t one to be coerced or pushed into anything that she doesn’t want to do and can make up her mind by herself quite independently of others.
She wants to have a life before settling down and has said if there are any fertility issues then so be it.
She is single minded and has her own ideas and take on things so much so that if I had said that I’d had her at say 16, she wouldn’t have wanted to follow my example there.
She looks aghast at girls her age that were in school with her who have children some of them are on their second or third child.
She says wow that’s so young to settle down. I think she may have inherited my free spirit.

Course it’s a wind up thread. Of course OP will be very smug they got 14 pages of replies! 😬