To be surprised at someone being pregnant at 44

[Onempretime7788]

I would have thought post 35 was rare

Why should they give support though ? It’s a parents job to mind their own children for one thing it is not a grandparents responsibility. Secondly there is no guarantee of having grandchildren. I won’t be planning my life around what I’ll be doing as a grandparent when there is no guarantee I’ll ever be one. Plus life expectancy is getting higher as years ago by as well. They are increasing retirement age to 70 where I live. Because people are staying fit and healthy for longer.

It's totally normal. The average age for a first birth in London is 33.

With regard to leaving it till mid/late 30s to try for your first - i think it's risky.

It gives less time to find out if there's a problem and sort it out and less time to get any help on the NHS.

It can b normal to take a year to fall naturally. By the time you've done that and then got the ball rolling on having checks and then decided in intervention you could be hitting the big 40 and then it really is perfectly normal to be 'too late'.

I had my first at 23 and my mother (53 then) was no help then and never has been! (i'm an only child) I don't think it's wise to plan your (reproductive) life around the age of the people you think are going to bail you out! Your kids are your own responsibility.

Conversely, i must say, DHs parents are basically raising his sisters kids and they're in their late 70s. They're very sprightly, but she really takes the piss.

Of course grandparents don't need to give support but the choice is being taken away as they are simply not up to it in a lot of cases! ....but isn't it nice if a child has a full family and can spend time with the older generation. It's such a worthwhile input. I have many happy memories of time with my grandparents ..active happy times
I think it's a shame that some children only see their grandparents as not in the best of health or simply just lacking in energy
Yes people are living longer...but that often does not include good health. I see it around me older grandparents who are just not fit to spend time with the young ones to any worthwhile degree. It's not something you may understand til you are older yourself unfortunately . It's a part of life I don't want to miss out

It's a massive "fuck that" for me! I don't think it's particularly unusual but definitely not as common as having babies in your 20s or 30s.

I know 4 people who've had babies in their 40s, 2 were desperate and had fertility treatment and the other 2 were by accident thinking it was menopause.

Not sure why you are picking my posts out. I'm preeeettty sure being healthy and having a regular period cycle are good factors for getting pregnant the last time I checked...

Good luck to this poster but having regular cycles does not mean you have good quality eggs and optimal fertility. A friend thought this and tried ttc in her forties as a result and was disappointed

Not quite 45 but my gran had my aunt at 42 in 1939.

So nothing new really.

Another grenade post.

Wouldn’t bother me. I had a baby at 43 nothing weird about it

Yes it’s an interesting point. Particularly if in lots of families each generation has their first baby 40+ then first-time grandparents will be in their 80s when babies arrive. Having memories or concept of ‘grandparents’ could eventually be a rarity.

With respect to GPs helping with childcare, as many people are having to work longer, regardless of when you become parents, GPs aren’t going to be available or of the age when they want to be/capable of looking after toddlers.

Do you think that women hit menopause at 35?

It's more like between 45-55. So of course it's possible to get pregnant in your 40s. It's true you're less fertile. But many do it naturally then or some use IVF etc.

You sound incredibly ignorant. And like you've hardly ever met any women or children?!

As many have already pointed out, you're very wide of the mark. In the past, before birth control was more readily available, it was normal woman to be having their 5th, 6th + babies well into their 40s. These days, a lot of woman won't even start trying for a baby until post 35 for a variety of reasons (career, not met the right person yet, not even sure whether they want to bring children into this world until then etc). Then fertility issues can easily mean it takes several years to get a viable pregnancy, if at all, meaning it's not unusual at all for women to be pregnant at 40+. IVF makes it possible for woman to fulfil their dreams of motherhood later in life too.

I teach Reception. Id say at least half of the mums of children in my class are early-mid 40s now, meaning they gave birth in their late 30s, possibly even early 40s. For several of them, their Reception child is their eldest. Not that it means anything in terms of this thread, but several of the dads look around 50ish. People are generally starting families much later now.

I personally know 4 people who are 37+ who gave birth within the last year. Two had their 1st child, two their 3rd. The two who had their 3rd last year didn't have any of their children under the age of 30. Both of the people who had their first last year at 37+ have made it known they would like more children, if they can.

Yes this is a small sample of people in the grand scheme of things but it's a growing pattern in general. You'd have to be walking around with your eyes shut to not realise many people are still childless at 35 these days, for various reasons, and it's not at all uncommon for women to still be producing children into their 40s (varying from much longed for miracle babies, totally unexpected ooops blessings and everything in between).

Is this a real story ?
who cares if someone is pregnant at 44. It’s their business.

Age of menopause is not really the most relevant thing. The average age of menopause is around 51, but births over 45 are rare.

Yes you are - I had DS at 44. Women are leaving it until later in life to have DC now and many have no trouble conceiving naturally.

"Yes people are living longer...but that often does not include good health. I see it around me older grandparents who are just not fit to spend time with the young ones to any worthwhile degree."

Yes, this happened in my family. Only of us has had children and he was late 30s. Parents had health problems already in their late 60s/early 70s so have never been able to babysit.
When I think of my own memories of my great-grandparents, the input of people in their 80s and 90s into your life is completely different to that of people in their late 50s and early 60s.

Having a regular cycle is the opposite of not having a regular cycle which would be indicative of an issue.

No one is picking on you, just stating the obvious : having regular periods and being in excellent health does not conflate with fertility. How knows, you would probably have found it easier becoming pregnant seven stones heavier but crucially five or six younger. The most fertile women I've known were never the picture of health ; but they were all young when they started having babies - by young I mean 25 at the most. And yes sometimes a 48 or 49 year old woman will become pregnant fairly easily and naturally because guess what, nature is nothing if unpredictable. New scientific discoveries in terms of conception also seem to point out that what matters isn't so much the age or number of your eggs (though that number does fall sharply the older you get) but the age and health of your uterus. It isn't the fertilization that's the hardest to come by but rather the implantation ; in short it is easier to fall pregnant with a 40 years old egg in a 20 year old womb than the opposite

@BoleynMemories13 how many of the DC in your class have a diagnosis or are showing the possibility of a diagnosis of special needs, as that can be impacted by older parents?

My own midwife told me about a woman that got pregnant naturally at 52 and 54. Unusual but not impossible.

Yes..but it's not necessarily a good thing. Teenagers at 60 and beyond. Believe me that is not good!

I do think it's an odd post - there are plenty of older mums these days due to a whole host of factors. I'm surprised that you're so shocked that you need to write a Mumsnet post about it.

However, I do think it's unusual/not the norm. It certainly isn't the optimal age to be conceiving and I do get a feeling that some women feel it is their god given right to get pregnant in their 40s should they wish and that it's not a problem. Unfortunately, women do have a biological time clock and it isn't especially healthy to put female anatomy through pregnancy after 40. But, alas, we life in a world that says we can have it all so perhaps the blame shouldn't be on the individual itself, but a society as a whole.

I can’t think of anything worse than having a baby late 30’s+