To be surprised at someone being pregnant at 44

[Onempretime7788]

I would have thought post 35 was rare

I do wince at the thought of being 44 and pregnant. I am 44 and have no desire to return to the days/months/years of sleepless nights. But I know loads of women who had a child over 35. I feel like lots of people squeeze in a 2nd or 3rd before they turn 40. I also know a good number who had children after 40. Sometimes 2 after 40. And none of them have made it look difficult.

When I was a healthy, fit 37 year-old, with a regular period and two children, I checked my fertility levels for unrelated reasons and was told by the doctor that my eggs weren't great in quality, and I might have difficulty having another successful, healthy pregnancy if I wanted to conceive.

So you never know. Hopefully you'll be fine, but outward signs of health don't really mean a lot when it comes to successful pregnancies.

I had my children at 33, 35, 36 and 38.

Without any problems.

But that was due to life circumstances, internally I was ready from the age of 25/26.

I'm incredibly grateful for my kids, but I will advise my kids, if they can, to have them younger.

The main reason for that is that I was incredibly lucky to fall pregnant quickly without major issues.

But I had a very difficult birth with my 1st, which I consider as partly age related.

Also, not everyone is lucky to get pregnant easily in their 30s and 40s.

So I would hate for my daughters, if they really want to be mothers, to miss out on the gift of motherhood by delaying it.

But then again I heard that scientists are working on treatment at the moment that keeps eggs younger. That would be revolutionising and fantastic if that was available in the future.

I couldn't do.

I had my 2nd at 41, my 3rd at 43, and I’m certainly not rare. I think the stats depends on whether it’s a first child as much as anything. It has always been common for women to have a late last baby in their 40s - my grandmothers generation (b1911) were absolutely not surprised by pregnancies over 35, how ridiculous. First babies, not so much, perhaps because women feel too old by that point. Those who already have children have more idea of what they may be able to handle.

Apparently your fertility at age 40 is half of what it was at 35, so it makes sense that pregnancy over 40 used to be fairly rare in all but the most fertile women.

These days with IVF though, natural fertility probably doesn't matter quite as much for those who are trying to conceive.

I had a baby at 42 - I have really struggled with fertility. I would have kept trying for a couple more years. Posts like this are so insensitive and thoughtless.

TBF in 1911 women didn't have a huge amount of choice.

Rare is such a weird word to use. It’s definitely harder to get pregnant the older you are but it’s not rare. lots of women are having babies when they’re older now.

I will say though it was a lot easier to get pregnant when I was 20 with my first than it was with my 3rd who I had when I was 38. Took years to have her.

I would say 44 is more unusual but post 35 is definitely not rare. Having said that from my experience it wasn't easy. I started trying at 32 and took 3 years for the first and then I didn't have my second until age 40, again years of trying. We had tests etc but unexplained.

No one is saying it's a scandal but fertility declines rapidly making conception harder you are one of the lucky ones and your lack of empathy will bite you in the arse. But then again you're going to have teenagers in your 60s so karma is coming regardless.

My MIL had her last child, of seven, when she was 48. Very unplanned.

My gran had my mum at 40-something back in the 1940s. It wasn’t even unusual. I had my first at 40 after several miscarriages. I know many younger women who have suffered miscarriages and others with infertility. Yes egg quality reduces with age, but average age of giving birth is now around 30, and 35 is not far off that.

There would have been a fair few older mothers looking after children with Downs Syndrome before screening became available

Where I live a 24 year old wouldn’t just be “moving in with their girlfriend and their baby” unless they were exceptionally rich, or else moving in with the girlfriend’s parents or something. Because there is no social housing and there is basically nothing available for rent either due to a housing shortage. In all honesty I would rather have a baby at 44 than just be newly moving in with someone after having a baby at 24. But each to their own . Not “judging”

It's unusual but not that surprising. I had my first child at 34 and my last at 41 and I got pregnant very fast, I wouldn't be surprised if I'd been able to get pregnant naturally at 44, I still use contraception as I'm still having regular periods at 55 and don't want to risk getting pregnant even if it couldn't carry to term. I think genetics have something to do with fertility, my mum didn't hit menopause until about 57, my great Grandma had her first child at 38 and had four children (I'm now curious and going to check on Ancestry when she had her 4th!)

Horrific, no access to contraception and likely more subservient to a husband.

I honestly can’t imagine being pregnant at 44…but not for the newborn or toddler phase…more for the teenage phase/young adult phase! I’m 47 now with a 14 & 17 year old and it’s full on. I can’t imagine being at this stage in my 60’s. I’m also not entirely sure how fair it is on the children themselves, despite it being increasingly common.

Had my first at 39 after 1 month trying. Second at 41 after first try, too.

Obviously it’s completely your daughter’s choice but I wouldn’t let her be led by your experience without at least a conversation. I’m 100% behind women making their own choices but think it’s important they’re armed with the stats/information to do that in an informed way.

Your own fertility doesn’t necessarily indicate what her experience will be - my own mother got pregnant at the drop of a hat - I didn’t. Does she know you also had a history of loss? That you felt it would never happen? That statistically it was rare?

I definitely plan to discuss fertility with my children as think there is a huge lack of education around it. On this thread there are some big gaps in understanding and over reliance on anecdotal evidence. Often people don’t learn this stuff until they’re on their own fertility journey and for some it’s too late to do much about it at that point. Age is the single biggest factor in fertility and having a healthy live birth. There will always be outliers but it’s just the reality.

I think being honest about this is a positive thing and should be the norm rather than being classed as being a naysayer or against women. The ‘only as young as you feel’ ‘age doesn’t matter’ narrative can actually harm women’s choices as it can give a false sense or reality and choice. For the record men also experience fertility decline and male factor issues and should be taught all of this too.

I'm from London, got pregnant with my first at 31, almost a year after we got married. My best friend asked me if it was planned 😂

Now live in the Midlands and in my main baby class, there was one other mum aged 25, otherwise everyone else was post 35. One aged 43.

Completely agree! It's an underrated point to consider, if you want help from your own parents or family of that generation, think how old they'll be when your children are born. Very different expectations (not that it's an obligation for anyone) from grandparents in their 50s than ones in their 70s!

Even if it’s ‘normal’ in certain areas to have children in your 40s, it’s not normal biologically. It’s a huge risk due to dangers to mum, SEN. Some women are lucky and have no issues but that’s not always the case. It always shocks me that there’s 70 year olds who are first time grandparents. That’s great grandparent age.

I know four 44-45 year olds - three natural pregnancies, one sperm donor ivf as she decided to do it on her own (with her own eggs). I think there’s a lot you can do with supplements also - It starts with the Egg book details them but ubiquinol, antioxidants, good multivitamin for conception etc.

I'm not surprised by the age, but do get surprised when people themselves are surprised that they don't have a lot of 'family support' and they're struggling - because their own parents are in their 70s / 80s.

Each to their own, I suppose.