To be surprised at someone being pregnant at 44

[Onempretime7788]

I would have thought post 35 was rare

Its not just being allowed to ... fertility help has advanced / the use of other women's eggs / suragacy is more common place.

This would mean far fewer female doctors and lawyers. Both careers have very long periods of university and post university training. On top of that, competition for scarce jobs can mean that it’s a long time before you’re even able to settle in one location or have a secure career / environment in which to even think about children. And the need to
move around makes it less likely that there will be any grandparent or other family support nearby.

@Boots89 sorry my post was a bit rude. I tried to edit/ delete it but can’t.
it’s great that you’ve lost weight. I just mentioned it as weight can be linked to fertility/ insulin resistance etc. I think the point I and GinaX were trying to make is no-one really knows what their fertility is like until they start trying to ttc.
now I also delayed ttc until “time was right” at 32 but it did mean we only had one child instead of two due to secondary fertility. I just think people have to accept that there is a risk of not having a successful pregnancy and the older you are the higher the risk. That’s why people advise getting on with it but it depends on how bothered by that risk an individual is. Good luck 🤞🏻

A goady post aimed at older mums - who don’t generally get a good ride in MN at the best of times

Greetings from another unicorn. DS 2 born when I was 47. Very healthy 14yr old now. Uneventful pregnancy. I even managed to hike across Dartmoor carrying him in a back pack once he was old enough. 🤣

Unusual but not rare, I had first baby just before 40th birthday and a slightly surprise second baby at 46, both uncomplicated natural births and pregnancies.
Two grandmothers who had last babies in mid 40s and both lived till mid 90s so clearly good genetic stock!

Of course women have babies in their 40s, even though statistically, a healthy pregnancy and birth become less likely as we age.

I had mine in my late 20s and I’m glad that’s how things worked out for me. I’m late 40s now and a baby/toddler/preschooler to look after would not have worked well with my perimenopause symptoms.

I don’t think it’s that rare.
more studies are showing that sperm play an important rate in pre 12 week losses , placental health and whether the mum develops preeclampsia.

so I personally think misogyny in healthcare might have really affected education in fertility. Although women have menopause, if you have eggs, your hormones are functioning and you have healthy sperm available, you have a good chance of being pregnant over a wide span of ages.

why we’ve allowed ourselves to think over 30 is ‘well old’ is a shame. I think personally couples trying to conceive should have fertility MOTs and advice on supplements (men as well) plus anout reducing alcohol etc to make it more likely they’ll conceive etc. science based rather than this outdated ‘use by date’ because it’s more nuanced than that.

Sorry, where are you getting that from (assuming you are British?) . The Office for National Statistics (ONS) holds historical fertility tables going back to 1938, and these show that the mean age of mothers overall at that time was around 26. For first‑time mothers, the age was slightly lower, typically estimated at around 24–25.
ONS did not separately publish “age at first birth” in 1939, but demographic historians and ONS‑linked analyses consistently place first‑birth age in the mid‑20s before the post‑war baby boom.
Even that surprised me as according to my anecdotal info, women where marrying and having kids much younger then but I was wrong there.

@PersephonePomegranate people aren’t threatened by women having a life before children but just stating that risk factors increase as you age. Yes, that poster may get pregnant first time of trying, no miscarriage, tests all clear and nothing like autism in resulting child. But the risk of not getting pregnant in your first or even your 12th cycle increases as you age. Age of dad is also important.

Being healthy obviously helps, but many women with regular periods still have fertility issues

Yes, many women have children at an older age but some of them will be having some form of fertility treatment

Or we've had experience of never having a live birth over 36. Or knowing having regular bleeds doesn't mean good egg quality or ovulation. Or, unless you've got the money for private treatment, the NHS will tell you to wait and see, until past the age were you have a excellent chance of getting pregnant.

What the posters should have said, was to get a fertility check. Unfortunately issues with both sides, means my DD's friend won't have a child with her DH, at 34. She won't leave him and doesn't want IVF, after another friend's experience of it. She thought that she'd be ok until 35. The fertility clinics are full of women who thought they had time.

I was told the sharp drop comes around age 37-38. I had IVF at 36 (no fertility problems, lesbian couple) and got pregnant first time.

Fair point but I was speaking from the perspective that its no longer viewed a womans primary aim in life is to be married and have kids before all else!

Apologies, I meant to share the link.
https://www.parliament.uk/business/publications/research/olympic-britain/population/have-kids-settle-down/

Clearly states 29.6 now compared to 29 in 1938

Had my DD at 44, three months before my 45th birthday.
i’d had two miscarriages some time before and had given up all thoughts of ever carrying full time at my age. I was 40 before I started trying due to the path my life had taken up to that point.
Then one day I discovered I was pregnant. Happy delirious days.
My beautiful DD is 24 now and is going to follow my lead in that she is going to leave having children until later. I hope she’s not too long or I’ll be too decrepit to be able to help out if needed. 😱😂

How old is your DP? If he's 40 or over your chances of conceiving are very slim. If he's 20 you'll probably be fine

(People always discount male fertility in the age conversations!)

I had my first at 36 and twins at 38. Both pregnancies conceived the first month trying too.

I live in an area where the majority of first time mums are in their 30s, I worked in maternity and am used to seeing "older" mums, but over 40 is definitely outside the norm though it's a growing demographic. However it does come with increased risks.

Regardless of changing cultural norms, we can't change the fact that biologically it's better if we have babies in our 20s.

So yes I would internally raise an eyebrow at a 44 year old being pregnant, in terms of it being late in life for that and the poor woman is going to be knackered, but I wouldn't judge. I had my youngest when I was 39 and honestly now he's 11 I can't imagine having a younger one around as well! I'm so tired!

Easy to say when you have 4 healthy children.

Doesn't say how many over 45 had fertility treatment my guess would be a lot.

Pregnancy after 35 isn’t rare, it’s just life happening on someone else’s timeline. Some simply haven’t met the right partner yet, and infertility is more common than people realise.

Looks like economic factors came into play for older first time mothers in the 1930s. The average age for first time mothers decreased in the 1960s.

It is possible to have babies in your late 30s and early 40s but as a few people have said the chances decrease and the risks increase.

I suggest listening to these:

https://open.spotify.com/episode/1RThqisZjExbSN6lEAWDiX?si=pgR1QUQBQ26lVBoY7tikqg&pi=fp9NowgiTOCPd&t=0

And

https://open.spotify.com/episode/21NfUoGB1wdXh8Qe7NoM36?si=IKBzgwZxTcatI8Pur2_GCw&t=0&pi=n6WgM1u6QlOpk

It would certainly be too old for me, but it’s becoming more common. I wouldn’t think anything of it under 38 but over that I’d probably consider the parent to be ‘older’

Agree having regular periods means very little. Even having a fertility check won’t tell you what your egg quality is like. I had periods like clockwork at 34 and a very high egg count for my age and needed ivf (which thankfully did work). Actually irregular periods can sometimes be indicative of something that’s easier to fix such as not ovulating which can be induced with oral medications.