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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Should men be using soap to wash their beef flute?

167 replies

TeenyWeenyPolkaDotPeeny · 07/02/2026 17:44

Just that really.

OP posts:
TheMorgenmuffel · 07/02/2026 19:32

TeenyWeenyPolkaDotPeeny · 07/02/2026 18:43

I think that’s just because the term blow job feels classier than suck job. I can’t imagine dame Judy Dench offering her fella a suck job.

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I really don't want to picture dame Judy deep throating thank you muchly.

ThisTaupeZebra · 07/02/2026 19:35

Warmlover · 07/02/2026 18:04

Men’s penises do not exist to be sucked. And women don’t exist to ‘play’ them.

I think peak Mumsnet was just reached.

InveterateWineDrinker · 07/02/2026 19:36

JustNotFeelingItToday · 07/02/2026 19:12

But why beef? Beef is brown unless it's raw. Whilst there are some brown penises there are also many that are not.

It just doesn't really make any sense? Unless I'm missing something.

Boarding school. All penises get browned at one point or another. If one goes in raw, that is.

Original poster
TeenyWeenyPolkaDotPeeny · 07/02/2026 19:37

TheMorgenmuffel · 07/02/2026 19:32

I really don't want to picture dame Judy deep throating thank you muchly.

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throating 😭 stop it!

OP posts:
bookwormcrazy · 07/02/2026 19:38

muddyford · 07/02/2026 17:51

A friend called it a pink oboe, much to the entertainment of our vicar friend! Never heard beef flute before.

Pink oboe made me laugh out loud so much! 😂😂

Chellybelle · 07/02/2026 19:40

Not funny enough for classics.

Tableforjoan · 07/02/2026 19:42

I mean come here and let me suck you off sounds much nicer than come here and let me blow you one 🤣🤣😏

One sounds like a bj one sounds like a fart 🤣🤣

Flannelfeet · 07/02/2026 19:47

Sack that!! 🤣🤣

thenightsky · 07/02/2026 19:59

InveterateWineDrinker · 07/02/2026 18:26

Or you could just strum the banjo string.

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Blowing and strumming? I can name that tune in... Hmm Grin

Flannelfeet · 07/02/2026 20:03

thenightsky · 07/02/2026 19:59

Blowing and strumming? I can name that tune in... Hmm Grin

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Did you play that on the beef flute 🪈?
I think I just spewed in my mouth 🤢😬

Bikergran · 07/02/2026 20:05

Mysterian · 07/02/2026 17:55

A phrase from a Peter Cook sketch.

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The Goon Show first, I believe.

aniloD · 07/02/2026 20:25

TeenyWeenyPolkaDotPeeny · 07/02/2026 18:43

I think that’s just because the term blow job feels classier than suck job. I can’t imagine dame Judy Dench offering her fella a suck job.

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Miriam Margolyes on the other hand

GasperyJacquesRoberts · 07/02/2026 20:44

aniloD · 07/02/2026 20:25

Miriam Margolyes on the other hand

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I thought Miriam Margolyes was much more likely to be dining at the Y than offering anyone a blow- or suck-job.

Kingsleadhat · 07/02/2026 21:06

I've heard it called a pork sword. Seems more aggressive than a beef flute

LionKing88 · 07/02/2026 21:20

Beef flute is my new favourite term for penis 🤣🤣🤣

SerendipityJane · 07/02/2026 21:22

another MN entry for the Profanisaurus ....

Warmlover · 07/02/2026 23:49

Why do people on MN get so over excited about some shit chav slang for genitals?

no-one needs to ‘enter it’ for anything. And how is a shit phrase for a dick ‘a classic?’ I mean we could all just list stupid words we’ve heard. Maybe it would entertain some people here I’m sure….

Original poster
TeenyWeenyPolkaDotPeeny · 08/02/2026 01:25

Warmlover · 07/02/2026 23:49

Why do people on MN get so over excited about some shit chav slang for genitals?

no-one needs to ‘enter it’ for anything. And how is a shit phrase for a dick ‘a classic?’ I mean we could all just list stupid words we’ve heard. Maybe it would entertain some people here I’m sure….

Back again I see, just can’t get enough of my shit chav slang for penis? Bless 🍪

OP posts:
Soashamed60 · 08/02/2026 03:52

TeenyWeenyPolkaDotPeeny · 07/02/2026 17:58

I used this in the midst of depressive episodes.

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Tofu tube 🤣🤣

Soashamed60 · 08/02/2026 03:53

Soashamed60 · 08/02/2026 03:52

Tofu tube 🤣🤣

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I think i quoted the wrong post!

IcantFeelMyFaceNow · 08/02/2026 07:58

PhilosophicalCheeseSandwich · 07/02/2026 18:27

For God's sake, why would I read this after three strong Belgian beers? To be fair to op, she laid it all out in her title - why don't I learn?

As an aside, I played the flute to a high standard as a young woman.

When we were young, we all did love. : )

Lemondrizzle4A · 08/02/2026 08:11

Today an article on BBC about males injecting penises to enhance performance on the ski slopes. 🤣🤣

Rayburn · 08/02/2026 10:38

Warmlover · 07/02/2026 23:49

Why do people on MN get so over excited about some shit chav slang for genitals?

no-one needs to ‘enter it’ for anything. And how is a shit phrase for a dick ‘a classic?’ I mean we could all just list stupid words we’ve heard. Maybe it would entertain some people here I’m sure….

I, for one, welcome your list of stupid words.

SerendipityJane · 08/02/2026 10:50

Warmlover · 07/02/2026 23:49

Why do people on MN get so over excited about some shit chav slang for genitals?

no-one needs to ‘enter it’ for anything. And how is a shit phrase for a dick ‘a classic?’ I mean we could all just list stupid words we’ve heard. Maybe it would entertain some people here I’m sure….

I bet you're fun at parties.

Warmlover · 08/02/2026 13:37

SerendipityJane · 08/02/2026 10:50

I bet you're fun at parties.

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Because I don’t guffaw at someone saying, ‘beef flute’ and demand it goes in the box of ‘classic’ for being so utterly crazy and hilarious?