I was snobby, apparently

[Rayners]

last year sister was showing me her holiday photos. She went to Spain and the photos were basically the kids in a holiday club, the kids eating burgers, the kids eating pizzas, the kids in a swimming pool, her DH with a pint, her and her DH doing karaoke in a bar etc etc … all of the photos were taken in the hotel complex with a couple of shots at the beach. I said they were nice photos and left it at that.
Later in the year we (me, DH and Dd) went to Italy. I uploaded a few photos on Facebook but not many. When we got back sister asked to see my photos - I said they’re on Facebook so she said “there’s hardly any on there and they’re the boring ones, I want to see them all” so I gave her my phone to scroll through them.

After a bit of scrolling she started saying stuff like “god these are boring! Were you not bored? Dd must have been bored?”

The photos in question were picturesque cobbled streets, mountains, churches, castles and abandoned towns. I said “DD loved it” so she chose one photo to show me which “proved” that DD was bored … a picture of DD sat staring ahead … at mt. Vesuvius. The reason she looked emotionless was because she was fascinated by it and often sits and stares at things … especially considering what she’d learnt that morning in Pompei!

Sister kept going on about what a boring holiday it must have been and how we should think about DD next time etc so I snapped and said “she enjoyed the holiday! I’m not been funny but your holiday photos might as well have been taken at Butlins”.

Now - this comment has come back on me ten fold - she told the entire (large) family what it id said and now I’m thought of as snobby and jealous as well as “trying to be something I’m not”. In a conversation this morning with my mum she brought it up again and asked why id said that - I told her (again!) what she’d said about my holiday photos to which she replied “well I’m not been funny but it did look a bit boring for a child”.

So was I out of order for what I said??? And AIBU to think our holiday wasn’t “totally unsuitable” for a child?

Yanbu, are you just supposed to take her shit without responding??

she went low, you went lower

as long as you clarify this and you don’t actually have anything against Butlins holidays, I don’t see what’s wrong

Why though ? That is exactly what her sisters holiday was. There is nothing wrong with it if that's what you want. But OP didn't want that she wanted to experience the country her sister wanted a different type of holiday. Neither are wrong. And OPs sister was the first to criticise OPs holiday, constantly saying it was boring.

Somebody said that OP was snobby.. I don't think she said that her way of holidaying was better, did she? Sounds perfectly reasonable to me.

I went to Butlins when I was 8. The whole family were scarred for life. 'Spect that I'm snobby. Suits me.

I think this reads as a classic “what works for your family won’t work for others” OP.

I didn’t read your comment as snobby, just that you look for more (sounds fantastic) inspiration from a holiday for yourself and your children.

I would just put this down to a difference in opinion, all friends and family can differ and remain on good terms I would hope?

Yes, it was a snobby comment ... but it was exactly what I was thinking when you described her photos.

You probably shouldn't have said it, but they could have been on a Butlins holiday. She might like that, which is fine, but she shouldn't have picked holes in yours.

Your choice of put down does show you are a bit snobby, you might need to accept that, but she was very rude first. I say this as someone who enjoys both types of holiday and most years can't afford either, so I'm very jealous of your argument 😂. My ideal is a bit of both things.

If she brings it up again point out she was basically accusing you of neglecting your daughter so if she can't take it back don't rush it out. You have never commented on her choice if holiday until she wouldn't let it go about yours.

She was rude about your holiday.
You were the about hers. But the way you write, describe your holiday, you do sound like you think your holiday was superior to hers. So yes, you sounded snobby.

Your sister is jealous pure and simple.

It sounds like you have normal sibling rivalry, with each of you comparing yourself to the other and making lots of judgements about what you each do on holiday.

not sure what to advise other than keep all your comments bland, leave out anything like the reference to Butlins that could be taken the wrong way.

bickering is really tedious so if you can prevent it by not feeding the monster so to speak it will give you peace of mind. Or maybe it's just your engrained sibling way of talking and difficult to change.

Your sister ran off to mummy to complain about your horrid words to her?

Priceless.

Well she told her entire family the op told her her holiday was like butlins. Whilst arguing her daughter loves educational holidays rather than pools and pizza.

Well I'm going against the grain...I don't think you were snobbish. Your sister sounds very chippy, naggy and actually - boring!

She's one of those people who finds it hard to understand that other people are different and like different things. I remember being told myself that I was forcing my poor children to do boring things (looking round castles instead of going to EuroDisney...etc) but that's what my kids preferred!

Your post has touched a nerve with me. I think your sister needs to get out more and broaden her horizons and her mind and stop sneering at YOU, which is what she was doing.

She didn't like a dose of her own judgmental medicine, did she?

But 'learning' didn't mean sitting down at a desk in their Italian accommodation with text books.

Learning was visiting Pompeii - a child who is really keen on volcanoes, and IME most kids would be intensely interested in the Pompei disaster.

My Dc were variously obsessed with dinosaurs (holidays banging rocks on beaches and doing fossil walks with experts when Dc was 6 and loved it) , Castles - many many castles from age 3 or 4, wherever we went on holiday, chattering about knights and battles and the Keep and how they went up spiral stirs with sword in one hand etc, Volcanoes - Lanzarote and Tenerife, and they absolutely LOVED the Cesar Manrique buildings and architecture in Lanzarote.

All this was a massive adventure, and they absorbed lots of learning as they went.

What's wrong with that?

Oh yeah, it's apparently pretentious and we should have spent all (instead of just some) of our time in the bacterial soup of the hotel pool.

And her sister thought her holiday was the superior one. So they’re even, really.

I don't think you're snobby at all. You were driven to it. I'd have said the same. Your relatives are inverse snobs and there's a lot of it about. We took our son to see Vesuvius and Pompeii when he was young and he was captivated by it. He's grown up to be fascinated by travel and interested in other cultures. I think you did your best not to come across as snobby - but she's the one who wouldn't let it rest. Sometimes relatives just can't accept that we all like different things.

You both sound awful!

She started it by going on and on about your holiday and goading you by the sounds of it. Tell them all to get a grip and move on 🙄

Exactly, once she’d finished her assignment on the history of Pompei and the Roman Empire she was free to enjoy a slice of pizza - just one though … 🤣

Just carry a plastic pizza around with you and put it in DD’s hand when she’s looking at Mt Vesuvius - ta da child friendly holiday

Sister was rude. You sounded snobby. Even the information that you posted, pictures of kids eating burgers, pizza, doing karaoke, with a pint, all seemed designed to portray a particular type - it comes across as pretty condescending. Suspect there are underlying issues between you and your sister.

Ah, the old ‘stunt pizza’ trick 😄

I can well believe your DD loved the holiday - mine would not have, we did the whole "kid friendly" holiday thing and I would try to escape for a day and do a coach trip to somewhere interesting near by. My nephew, OTOH, was a total culture vulture. 2 yrs younger than my youngest and he and I used to have a ball visiting roman ruins and museums. He could tell you tons of information about Roman Emperors - and his special subject Pharaohs, who was related to who, who murdered who etc. We sadly never got to Egypt, that would have been his dream destination from the age of about 6.

FWIW, I think your comment to her about Butlins is not at all snobby, you simply pointed out they could have done all of those things, and eaten all of that food, in a British holiday resort. I've had great times at Butlins, but recreating it overseas seems daft to me, Even though we went to child friendly resorts my DC were introduced to all kinds of different foods and enjoyed the fact that it WAS different to a resort at home.

The PP would have been horrified to see me as a child, geeking around the countryside with my Spotters Guides to just about everything. I couldn’t get enough of learning, would have stayed indoors with a book if I’d been taken to Butlins.

This isn’t a nice relationship at all. She said what you were thinking when you looked at her photos. Same thing, only she was direct.

Where’s the fun? In the actually sight seeing and culture. Some people actually enjoy that you know!