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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I was snobby, apparently

692 replies

Rayners · 07/02/2026 14:18

last year sister was showing me her holiday photos. She went to Spain and the photos were basically the kids in a holiday club, the kids eating burgers, the kids eating pizzas, the kids in a swimming pool, her DH with a pint, her and her DH doing karaoke in a bar etc etc … all of the photos were taken in the hotel complex with a couple of shots at the beach. I said they were nice photos and left it at that.
Later in the year we (me, DH and Dd) went to Italy. I uploaded a few photos on Facebook but not many. When we got back sister asked to see my photos - I said they’re on Facebook so she said “there’s hardly any on there and they’re the boring ones, I want to see them all” so I gave her my phone to scroll through them.

After a bit of scrolling she started saying stuff like “god these are boring! Were you not bored? Dd must have been bored?”

The photos in question were picturesque cobbled streets, mountains, churches, castles and abandoned towns. I said “DD loved it” so she chose one photo to show me which “proved” that DD was bored … a picture of DD sat staring ahead … at mt. Vesuvius. The reason she looked emotionless was because she was fascinated by it and often sits and stares at things … especially considering what she’d learnt that morning in Pompei!

Sister kept going on about what a boring holiday it must have been and how we should think about DD next time etc so I snapped and said “she enjoyed the holiday! I’m not been funny but your holiday photos might as well have been taken at Butlins”.

Now - this comment has come back on me ten fold - she told the entire (large) family what it id said and now I’m thought of as snobby and jealous as well as “trying to be something I’m not”. In a conversation this morning with my mum she brought it up again and asked why id said that - I told her (again!) what she’d said about my holiday photos to which she replied “well I’m not been funny but it did look a bit boring for a child”.

So was I out of order for what I said??? And AIBU to think our holiday wasn’t “totally unsuitable” for a child?

OP posts:
GalaxyJam · 07/02/2026 16:07

Notsosweetcaroline · 07/02/2026 16:06

I never understand why posters start a thread asking if they are being unreasonable then argue they’re not. What’s the point.

yes the comment was a bit snobby, and yes likely kids have more fun on the type of holiday your sister had, not everything needs to be a learning opportunity, sometimes they can eat pizza, sing songs and play on the pool

I imagine the OP’s child managed to eat some pizza on their holiday to Italy!
Mine would all rather go to Pompeii than do karaoke. All kids are different.

BarbieShrimp · 07/02/2026 16:08

CurlyhairedAssassin · 07/02/2026 14:27

She asked for it if you ask me. Insulted your choice first. If she can't take it, don't dish it out.

Having said that, sometimes it's worth keeping your trap shut just for the sake of family harmony. I suppose you could still make your point while saying "Horses for courses/it wouldn't do for us to all like the same thing, would it?. I'm glad you enjoyed your holiday. We all enjoyed ours too, including the kids. We love Italy." Then change the subject.

Yes - you'd have done better to be more graceful, but you weren't wrong and I can see why you said what you did.

For some reason we have a culture where it's ok to openly and rudely trash things that are coded as "middle class", even if those things are mostly available to everyone. See how "poor" and "simple tastes" characters are often the good guys in stories and films.
Almost as though there are organisations who benefit from populations being incurious and isolated...

ThisBoldFinch · 07/02/2026 16:08

Two ‘well I’m not been funny..’ in one post means you have nothing to worry about on the snobby front OP.

OhDear111 · 07/02/2026 16:08

Just to add: my DD lived with a very intelligent flatmate. Great degree and great job - but little to talk about. Same beach holiday every year with parents and unfortunately never introduced to anything else. So it was career and nothing else. That’s what’s boring. Go for a broad education and keep them interested in all sorts of things. It makes for a more interesting person.

dreichluver · 07/02/2026 16:12

Rayners · 07/02/2026 14:18

last year sister was showing me her holiday photos. She went to Spain and the photos were basically the kids in a holiday club, the kids eating burgers, the kids eating pizzas, the kids in a swimming pool, her DH with a pint, her and her DH doing karaoke in a bar etc etc … all of the photos were taken in the hotel complex with a couple of shots at the beach. I said they were nice photos and left it at that.
Later in the year we (me, DH and Dd) went to Italy. I uploaded a few photos on Facebook but not many. When we got back sister asked to see my photos - I said they’re on Facebook so she said “there’s hardly any on there and they’re the boring ones, I want to see them all” so I gave her my phone to scroll through them.

After a bit of scrolling she started saying stuff like “god these are boring! Were you not bored? Dd must have been bored?”

The photos in question were picturesque cobbled streets, mountains, churches, castles and abandoned towns. I said “DD loved it” so she chose one photo to show me which “proved” that DD was bored … a picture of DD sat staring ahead … at mt. Vesuvius. The reason she looked emotionless was because she was fascinated by it and often sits and stares at things … especially considering what she’d learnt that morning in Pompei!

Sister kept going on about what a boring holiday it must have been and how we should think about DD next time etc so I snapped and said “she enjoyed the holiday! I’m not been funny but your holiday photos might as well have been taken at Butlins”.

Now - this comment has come back on me ten fold - she told the entire (large) family what it id said and now I’m thought of as snobby and jealous as well as “trying to be something I’m not”. In a conversation this morning with my mum she brought it up again and asked why id said that - I told her (again!) what she’d said about my holiday photos to which she replied “well I’m not been funny but it did look a bit boring for a child”.

So was I out of order for what I said??? And AIBU to think our holiday wasn’t “totally unsuitable” for a child?

You were more than justified suggesting your sister's holiday sounded like a Butlin's upgrade. She was out of order criticising the holiday destination you chose and suggesting it was unsuitable for your daughter. 'Snob' allegations are often back handed compliments tbh. I'd treat them with the contempt they deserve.

auserna · 07/02/2026 16:13

Without labouring the irony of the phrase "I’m not been funny" being deemed in any way snobby, I think the OP was goaded and it was a fair response in the circumstances.

Ellemaggie · 07/02/2026 16:13

Meadowfinch · 07/02/2026 15:43

She started the insults with calling your holiday boring. You called her holiday Butlins. I'd say that's pretty even.

You aren't being snobby, You just have different tastes. I went on holiday with a sister once. It was kind of her to invite me but to say we were polar opposites would be putting it mildly.
She demanded Richmond sausages and beans for breakfast, I bought local fruit bread from a bakery.
She wanted to spend the day on a sunlounger under a regimented row of hotel parasols. I hired a car and drove up into the mountains.
She wanted to drink and party in the evenings I wanted supper overlooking the bay and then a stroll on the beach.

Just accept you are different and don't discuss holidays again.

Now this is how you convey "different tastes" vs "condescending" 🤣

She "demanded" sausages and beans, while I went to the local bakery for local produce.
She went under "regimented" parasols all day, while I explored the mountains.

It's all in the detail!

GrooveArmada · 07/02/2026 16:15

Your sister's holiday is my idea of hell. I totally agree with you, OP, I'd think the same as you and it doesn't matter if it's snobbish or not.

If she's happy with a Butlins style holiday, being rude to you and whipping up family drama then this illustrates who she is. Leave her to it. You are clearly very different people.

BeanQuisine · 07/02/2026 16:15

ThisBoldFinch · 07/02/2026 16:08

Two ‘well I’m not been funny..’ in one post means you have nothing to worry about on the snobby front OP.

Now that's being snobby...😁

JLou08 · 07/02/2026 16:15

"DD sat staring ahead … at mt. Vesuvius. The reason she looked emotionless was because she was fascinated by it and often sits and stares at things … especially considering what she’d learnt that morning in Pompei!"

You do sound very pretentious here. The way you mention kids club, burgers, pizzas and Butlins makes you sound like you see yourself as above people who enjoy these things. I can see why you were called snobby.

ghostofchristmaspasta · 07/02/2026 16:18

LemaxObsessive · 07/02/2026 14:52

Yeah I do feel a bit sorry for your DD. I mean your sister’s trip sounds like my idea of hell but your poor DD having to ‘learn’ things on her holiday? Crikey. Fair enough if it’s in addition to your usual holiday, just a European city break to take in a bit of culture but spending your main holiday ‘learning?’ That’s a bit mean.As an adult, I’d adore a trip to Italy 🇮🇹 But it’s a bit unfair on a child (of any age) to spend an entire holiday there, learning.

Edited

I find this a very strange take. My LO loves learning, and we incorporate learning into everything.

There is so much hands on learning that takes place when you experience a different culture and language. It makes perfect sense to me.

Puttingonabraveface247 · 07/02/2026 16:19

I'd just make an agreement with your sister that in future, when you each return from the holidays of your personal choices, that neither of you will comment on the others (unless it's to say something nice of course).

TorroFerney · 07/02/2026 16:20

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 07/02/2026 14:21

It's just different types of holidays, but you do sound snobby as if you think your holiday is better than theirs

I also think ops holiday was better! You are treating the word snobby as a criticism op, I’d own it.

it’s odd isn’t it how inverse snobbery and lack of curiosity is feted.

Nicecatneighbour · 07/02/2026 16:21

She was goady and rude. You were defensive and a little snobby. It's a draw.
You'll both get over it.
(Your holiday sounds infinitely better, just saying.) ☺️

TorroFerney · 07/02/2026 16:24

Hellohelga · 07/02/2026 15:08

You went to Pompei etc I bet it didn’t cost less.

Show quote history

Our trip to Rome and Pompei October half term cost a lot less than a previous all inclusive.

Timeforaglassofwine · 07/02/2026 16:27

It sounds like you enjoy my kind of holiday op, exploring and culture; whereas your sister sounds like she enjoys relaxing whilst the kids have on tap entertainment. Nothing wrong with that, but my idea of hell! So what if you were being snobby, you were goaded.

Goldwren1923 · 07/02/2026 16:27

It’s called FAFO

MichaelmasDaisiesAndAutumSunset · 07/02/2026 16:28

You both sound awful

ohyesido · 07/02/2026 16:30

Your sister is spiritually undeveloped and doesn’t see the point of anything that doesn’t provide instant gratification. Perhaps not snobby just ignorant

Arraminta · 07/02/2026 16:30

The OP's holiday will have given her DD a lot of 'cultural capital' which is important.

Poodleville · 07/02/2026 16:30

She kept being rude and you snapped. I would double down if I were you, if she keeps going on about it... Nothing wrong with a bit of snobbery from time to time! Tell her you'd rather be Hyacinth Bucket than one of her sisters! Ask her if they ate egg and chips every day and did the hokey cokey after dinner. If you embrace the accusation she can no longer weaponise it!

SevenYellowHammers · 07/02/2026 16:30

Rayners · 07/02/2026 14:18

last year sister was showing me her holiday photos. She went to Spain and the photos were basically the kids in a holiday club, the kids eating burgers, the kids eating pizzas, the kids in a swimming pool, her DH with a pint, her and her DH doing karaoke in a bar etc etc … all of the photos were taken in the hotel complex with a couple of shots at the beach. I said they were nice photos and left it at that.
Later in the year we (me, DH and Dd) went to Italy. I uploaded a few photos on Facebook but not many. When we got back sister asked to see my photos - I said they’re on Facebook so she said “there’s hardly any on there and they’re the boring ones, I want to see them all” so I gave her my phone to scroll through them.

After a bit of scrolling she started saying stuff like “god these are boring! Were you not bored? Dd must have been bored?”

The photos in question were picturesque cobbled streets, mountains, churches, castles and abandoned towns. I said “DD loved it” so she chose one photo to show me which “proved” that DD was bored … a picture of DD sat staring ahead … at mt. Vesuvius. The reason she looked emotionless was because she was fascinated by it and often sits and stares at things … especially considering what she’d learnt that morning in Pompei!

Sister kept going on about what a boring holiday it must have been and how we should think about DD next time etc so I snapped and said “she enjoyed the holiday! I’m not been funny but your holiday photos might as well have been taken at Butlins”.

Now - this comment has come back on me ten fold - she told the entire (large) family what it id said and now I’m thought of as snobby and jealous as well as “trying to be something I’m not”. In a conversation this morning with my mum she brought it up again and asked why id said that - I told her (again!) what she’d said about my holiday photos to which she replied “well I’m not been funny but it did look a bit boring for a child”.

So was I out of order for what I said??? And AIBU to think our holiday wasn’t “totally unsuitable” for a child?

She had a go at you and you put her in her place! She shouldn’t have poked her nose in! I have a phrase for moments like that. “It’s not really my cup of tea.” It’s a bit of a cliche but I think does the job. I hate the sort of activity you describe but equally maybe your young one might like some daytime activity such a swimming or sailing? But yrnbu in my view! She should have minded her own business.

Tryagain26 · 07/02/2026 16:31

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 07/02/2026 14:21

It's just different types of holidays, but you do sound snobby as if you think your holiday is better than theirs

And her sister thought her holiday was better. What is the difference?

Fancycrab · 07/02/2026 16:34

Who actually ASKS to see someone else’s holiday photos?! Most people keep their mouths shut and pray they won’t be shown them!

If it’s really as you described and you’re not exaggerating the amount of times she said your holiday was boring then she had it coming. Everyone privately judges everyone else, doesn’t make them snobby. Most people don’t say what they’re thinking in those situations but you were forced into it because she kept slagging off your holiday. So if she’s allowed to express her judgement about your “boring” holiday, why shouldn’t you be able to express your judgement about her “tacky” holiday. Although you’d be on a more even playing field if you also described her holiday as boring rather than going for the tacky/uncultured angle. You clearly just like doing different things on holiday. It’s not that deep and not necessarily a reflection on what kind of person either of you are.

Newyearawaits · 07/02/2026 16:34

Each to their own and there is no right or wrong holiday.
For me, the destination /holiday type is influenced by age of children. Ime, young children can easily get bored of sightseeing and culture. I appreciate that this is different for everyone.
How old is your daughter OP?
I am curious