I was snobby, apparently

[Rayners]

last year sister was showing me her holiday photos. She went to Spain and the photos were basically the kids in a holiday club, the kids eating burgers, the kids eating pizzas, the kids in a swimming pool, her DH with a pint, her and her DH doing karaoke in a bar etc etc … all of the photos were taken in the hotel complex with a couple of shots at the beach. I said they were nice photos and left it at that.
Later in the year we (me, DH and Dd) went to Italy. I uploaded a few photos on Facebook but not many. When we got back sister asked to see my photos - I said they’re on Facebook so she said “there’s hardly any on there and they’re the boring ones, I want to see them all” so I gave her my phone to scroll through them.

After a bit of scrolling she started saying stuff like “god these are boring! Were you not bored? Dd must have been bored?”

The photos in question were picturesque cobbled streets, mountains, churches, castles and abandoned towns. I said “DD loved it” so she chose one photo to show me which “proved” that DD was bored … a picture of DD sat staring ahead … at mt. Vesuvius. The reason she looked emotionless was because she was fascinated by it and often sits and stares at things … especially considering what she’d learnt that morning in Pompei!

Sister kept going on about what a boring holiday it must have been and how we should think about DD next time etc so I snapped and said “she enjoyed the holiday! I’m not been funny but your holiday photos might as well have been taken at Butlins”.

Now - this comment has come back on me ten fold - she told the entire (large) family what it id said and now I’m thought of as snobby and jealous as well as “trying to be something I’m not”. In a conversation this morning with my mum she brought it up again and asked why id said that - I told her (again!) what she’d said about my holiday photos to which she replied “well I’m not been funny but it did look a bit boring for a child”.

So was I out of order for what I said??? And AIBU to think our holiday wasn’t “totally unsuitable” for a child?

You ‘incorporate learning into everything’ is a ridiculous statement. All children are learning all the time. They are born hard-wired to do it. Even on a burgers and karaoke holiday they will learn - for example, arcade type activities have a little maths involved, they get to practice swimming learn new strokes, new games and make friends from different places/families. Maybe they will try some local cuisine at themed night in the resort restaurant. They might learn a choreographed dance at kids’ club! I am not sure taking my daughter to the exhibition on the Knights of Malta in Valetta gave her more useful learning than teaching her to swim in the pool at the AI in Crete where we never left the resort.

There is obviously such a thing as neglect, but a lovey family holiday filled with activities in a beautiful resort is not neglect.

This. I think your sister and mother were being inverted snobs. Your sister was goading you for a reaction to keep on about it.
They think you've betrayed your roots and feel offended by you seeking culture.

They're trying to keep you in your place!

I'd have been even ruder tbh and said that just because her kids have the attention span of a gnat, doesn't mean everyone else's do.

My daughter would have hated their holiday - she’s autistic for a start so kids clubs would have been a no go, she wouldn’t have like the swimming pool due to the crowds and noise and she wouldn’t have been able to handle the noise at karaoke. Even the beach would have been too crowded for her. She did however, enjoy horse riding along a quiet beach, trying to draw the paintings in the churches and learning how to make pasta. And yes, she loved Vesuvius considering volcanoes were her special interest at the time. All kids are different and they don’t all love rowdy chaos

There’s only one way to settle this. You’ll need to all go on each other’s holidays together. Your daughter will look at the all inclusive buffet with the same wonder as she stared at Vesuvius. Your sister will discover that one of her children is a genius with a penchant for writing poetry about the daily life of Italian villagers. One of you will have an affair with someone called Eduardo. And it ends with you all booking a trip to Butlins together as you realise that the holiday doesn’t matter, and it’s all about the time you spent together along the way.

They want to relax in the sun, eat, drink and do as little as possible. You want to see what the country has to offer and to go out and explore. You just want different things from your holidays. Safe to say you won’t be going anywhere together.

😂

My daughter would probably just look for the chicken nuggets - live on them for a week whilst hiding under a blanket in her room due to the noise.

And his name was Mario (yes, seriously). My sister never got to meet him as she was in Spain but she tells me Carlos who worked in the restaurant in Spain was very easy on the eye.

You are not out of order in the least. Its each to their own and thst should be respected. One thing, don't ever make the mistake of going on holiday together!!!

I don’t understand why saying someone’s holiday pics could have been taken at Butlins is snobby?!
All inclusive breaks of the type the OP describes her sister going on are often called Butlins with Sun. The holiday camp is a great British tradition!
If anything, the sister was being derogatory about the OPs holiday and she got off lightly with what the OP said.

Agreed. Surely it’s only ‘snobby’ if the OP’s sister thinks that Butlins is ‘low class’. The OP was just being factual.

Sister goaded you and didn’t like your reply..hope she’s learnt her lesson. Good on you for taking your child to explore another country like that.

Yes, but she goaded you and you probably said it on the spur of the moment. Own your comment, tell your sister she thinks your holiday looked boring and you thought her holiday looked like a Butlins holiday. Nothing wrong with either holiday, so tell her to get over it and not be such a bore!

There’s only one way to settle this. You’ll need to all go on each other’s holidays together.

I remember years ago that ITV show Holiday Showdown where two different families with very different ideas of what makes a good holiday had to go away together to each place for a fortnight. Lots of arguments from what I remember 😅

Pitch this to ITV . Great Reality alternative to Rich Holiday Poor Holiday.

Stupid Sister, Snob Sister.

OR...Holiday Swap The Musical.

Blood Brothers sort of scenario. Or 'Summer Nights' from Saturday Night Fever:

"We got drunk, fell in the pool"
"Did Roman weaving, bobbin and spool"
"Was hungover, needed to chill"
"Read a map and hiked up a hill"
"tell me more , tell me more...."

Really? Because initially, @Rayners didn't say anything negative about the sister's holiday photos. But DSister surely did about the OP's. A very rude verbal attack on the OP, and then to share the disagreement with the whole family?

You said "but you do sound snobby as if you think your holiday is better than theirs"
but doesn't that also apply to the rude cow sister who started it all?

She was rude and I would have said the same thing as you 🤷‍♀️ don't give it out if you can't take it...

It’s still on the go but it’s called Rich Holiday, Poor holiday now 😂

Our holidays are not expensive, cheap flights, air B&B and self catering. My sister’s holiday would have been more expensive as they go all inclusive and I think they go through travel agents

You can find "picturesque cobbled streets, mountains, churches, castles and abandoned towns" in Spain. You just have to leave the hotel/ touristic areas.

Why people use social media to compare themselves and which holidays/ lifestyle is best is beyond me.

This.

We went to Lyme Regis with DS a couple years ago and he did really love it! He loved crabbing (caught a blenny and a shrimp), found a fossil, made a sandcastle and played on the arcades. What’s not to like?

He would also definitely enjoy going on a little ferry. Now if your friend had said “Chloe was really moved by the way Caravaggio uses light in his compositions”, I’d agree. But a child liking the seaside and going on a boat doesn’t seem particularly odd.

Surely you know your DSis's personality and preferences to things by now OP?
I don't think you sound snobby at all.

DSis took photos of the types of things her family enjoyed the most: eating and drinking in warm sunny Spain; nothing wrong with that and you didn't remark on how samey those photos looked, only that her photos were "nice", which I'm sure they were to DSis, and really, what else could you say?

You and your family did what you wanted to do on your trip and didn't inflict your photos on anyone by posting too many.

However DSis felt it necessary to be critical of your holiday, assuming your DS was "bored" , clearly your DS takes after your Mum in that way and they both would have been 'bored'.

I think your critical and assuming DSis is to blame for speaking negatively of your photos and trip itinerary.

Unfortunately you felt provoked into saying something negative about their holiday, so now you know with some types you have to grin and bear and sometimes lie a little, to keep the peace.

Of course YANBU.

Your sister sounds like she has a chip on her shoulder and perhaps feels a bit inferior.

Why do some posters assume that all kids must prefer Butlins style holidays with swimming pools, activity centres and lots of other noisy kids compared to a cultural type city break?

None of mine would enjoy the former but they all love the latter style. DS (16) loves nothing better than mooching around a different city. The older ones are adults now with kids of their own and we holidayed together last summer in Denmark. Everyone had a great time.

I’ve only once been on a package holiday with built in bus trips etc. and DH and I said ‘never again’ when we got back home.

oh, come on. Her sister was ten times more rude, and doubled down on the crap instead of apologising.

Some things ARE generally seen as better than others. It’s only snobbery when it’s lorded over somebody.
If one had gone to Sweden drinking beer, swimming in ice and one Japan drinking saki and lounging in hot baths that’s “different” holidays. Neither would be better.
Appreciating another country is always going to be better than sun loungers whether it’s on an exclusive island or Spain.
And I go on holiday to drink , smoke and get a tan. I’m aware it’s not classy

I'm torn actually. Your sister shouldn't have dissed your holiday and I'm sure your DD had a fab time with you. OTOH, I took my two to Butlins many times as kids and it was amazing for them, so it does seem a bit snobby to use 'Butlins' as an insult.