I was snobby, apparently

[Rayners]

last year sister was showing me her holiday photos. She went to Spain and the photos were basically the kids in a holiday club, the kids eating burgers, the kids eating pizzas, the kids in a swimming pool, her DH with a pint, her and her DH doing karaoke in a bar etc etc … all of the photos were taken in the hotel complex with a couple of shots at the beach. I said they were nice photos and left it at that.
Later in the year we (me, DH and Dd) went to Italy. I uploaded a few photos on Facebook but not many. When we got back sister asked to see my photos - I said they’re on Facebook so she said “there’s hardly any on there and they’re the boring ones, I want to see them all” so I gave her my phone to scroll through them.

After a bit of scrolling she started saying stuff like “god these are boring! Were you not bored? Dd must have been bored?”

The photos in question were picturesque cobbled streets, mountains, churches, castles and abandoned towns. I said “DD loved it” so she chose one photo to show me which “proved” that DD was bored … a picture of DD sat staring ahead … at mt. Vesuvius. The reason she looked emotionless was because she was fascinated by it and often sits and stares at things … especially considering what she’d learnt that morning in Pompei!

Sister kept going on about what a boring holiday it must have been and how we should think about DD next time etc so I snapped and said “she enjoyed the holiday! I’m not been funny but your holiday photos might as well have been taken at Butlins”.

Now - this comment has come back on me ten fold - she told the entire (large) family what it id said and now I’m thought of as snobby and jealous as well as “trying to be something I’m not”. In a conversation this morning with my mum she brought it up again and asked why id said that - I told her (again!) what she’d said about my holiday photos to which she replied “well I’m not been funny but it did look a bit boring for a child”.

So was I out of order for what I said??? And AIBU to think our holiday wasn’t “totally unsuitable” for a child?

Your choice of holiday sounds similar to mine. My sisters would prefer the type your sister likes. Neither is wrong, just personal preference.

I think you may have sounded snobby but your sister what unkind to you and I think you wouldn’t have said anything itheo

Firstly, does it really matter. Does your sister think your abit straight laced? Hence she thinks your holiday is boring?
Your both been unkind to each other, both like different things and thats ok.
FWIW, her holiday is not my thing. Butlins is not my thing. Italy is beautiful 😍

But the sister did exactly the same to OP!!

Where did I say she spent the entire holiday learning? We did Pompeii one day - and she was the main reason we went there as she’s obsessed with volcanoes

Not LEARNING?!?!?!?? on holiday?

That’s child abuse! Just wait for the visit from social services 🙄

What? Learning is what children do, all day, every day. It’s what they are supposed to be doing. She wasn’t frogmarching the kid around with a clipboard and worksheets 😂

To answer your question, which appeared to be, was the holiday suitable for a child, you could ask your daughter?

@Rayners No of course not snobby. She will say the same if yours have a more varied diet, play a musical instrument or dare to go to university. Please don’t listen. What you did was great and my dc enjoyed holidays like this too. You are not alone.

I am with you OP! Her holiday did sound like generic Butlins and your holiday sounded amazing, she’s likely the jealous one. It drives me mad when people who have kids think the only place they can holiday is an all inclusive complex with other kids… there’s so much more to show them around the world! You do you and maybe just don’t compare holiday photos again!!

I loved ‘learning’ holidays as a child, and would have much preferred your holiday. Seeing history and learning was the fun.

Children are no more all the same than adults are.

Your sister sounds like she has a chip on her shoulder, and as a result goaded you until she got a reaction. Now she’s whining. Just ignore.

Your holiday sounds great to me and even as a small child I'd have loved it. Children are interested in a lot more than 'childish' things.

As for your daughter staring at the volcano, good for her. I like to think the memory will stay with her.

One of my best holiday memories was when I was 13 and we went to Dubrovnik. One day we went on a trip where there was a donkey ride up into the hills and lunch at an isolated restaurant. After lunch I wandered off to explore and ended up spending an hour or so sitting on the edge of the uninhabited valley which was dry from summer drought and I just sat there watching and listening. All I could hear was the hum of insects and the bells on foraging goats and it was absolutely wonderful. That was over 50 years ago but I've never forgotten the peace, the heat, the smell of wild herbs and the sound of the goats.

I love Butlins 🤣. A warm Butlins would be great. I love how tacky and cheesy it all is!

However, I’d love your holiday too.

She wasn’t dropping it, you snapped, an inside thought became a verbal response. It sounds like she’s competing with you for some reason, and is disappointed you didn’t concede and agree hers was better. In future, don’t feel under pressure to share more of your personal photos. They’re yours, and you get to decide who you share them with.

But it was the sister commenting on the OPs holiday, not the other way around! If somebody told me my holiday looked boring a wouldn’t give over I’d probably snap and tell them their holiday looked like Butlin’s too (and I like Butlin’s!!). Honestly the behaviour of some people is baffling. What was the OP supposed to say?

This is insane 😂. You know some kids actively enjoy learning? Since when is learning a bad thing??

You were, but rightly so.

I would rather poke needles into my eyelids than go to Butlins again - or any kind of place like that abroad. Kids will adapt to what they know.

If your family are the type to prefer DS's holiday to yours then I can see why they're ganging up on you.

Sorry they're all being horrible x

We have the same kinds of holidays as you so I am biased but think you were perfectly reasonable. You might not have expressed it well but if you take the idea of perceived snobbery (based on the idea that yours are more worthy or high brow) out of it and just look on it as criticism based on different tastes, she was critical of yours first so you were reasonable to respond the same way.

She retaliated because her sister was criticising her holiday choices. Suggesting they were unsuitable for her daughter. Just because she hit her mark doesn't mean she was wrong. Or 'snobby'.

They both sound like very typical holidays millions of British people enjoy each year - each to their own

Yes, this exactly. Your holiday was obviously more upmarket than hers, she recognised this and felt defensive and belittled. And as 'attack is the best form of defence' she proceeded to disparage your holiday.

If she truly believed her holiday to be superior and genuinely felt your DD looked bored, she would have just been non commital and polite.

People do this All. The. Time. It's known as inverted snobbery. Classic example is our neighbour always extolling the virtues of her 10 year old Peugeot and eagerly criticising my Range Rover. Yeah, fine, whatever love. It's tediously transparent, but understandable.

I never understand why posters start a thread asking if they are being unreasonable then argue they’re not. What’s the point.

yes the comment was a bit snobby, and yes likely kids have more fun on the type of holiday your sister had, not everything needs to be a learning opportunity, sometimes they can eat pizza, sing songs and play on the pool

Your sister was goady and rude. Your mum secretly probably feels sorry/favours her. Don’t respond to either of their nonsense and continue to have fun interesting holidays. Our kids loved Pompeii. They ate pizza Italy but I didn’t take a picture of them either. Can I join the snob club?

If you're snobby, then so am I. My holidays sound much more like yours, as an adult and when I was child. She is obviously jealous.

Should have kept her trap shut, shouldn't she?