I was snobby, apparently

[Rayners]

last year sister was showing me her holiday photos. She went to Spain and the photos were basically the kids in a holiday club, the kids eating burgers, the kids eating pizzas, the kids in a swimming pool, her DH with a pint, her and her DH doing karaoke in a bar etc etc … all of the photos were taken in the hotel complex with a couple of shots at the beach. I said they were nice photos and left it at that.
Later in the year we (me, DH and Dd) went to Italy. I uploaded a few photos on Facebook but not many. When we got back sister asked to see my photos - I said they’re on Facebook so she said “there’s hardly any on there and they’re the boring ones, I want to see them all” so I gave her my phone to scroll through them.

After a bit of scrolling she started saying stuff like “god these are boring! Were you not bored? Dd must have been bored?”

The photos in question were picturesque cobbled streets, mountains, churches, castles and abandoned towns. I said “DD loved it” so she chose one photo to show me which “proved” that DD was bored … a picture of DD sat staring ahead … at mt. Vesuvius. The reason she looked emotionless was because she was fascinated by it and often sits and stares at things … especially considering what she’d learnt that morning in Pompei!

Sister kept going on about what a boring holiday it must have been and how we should think about DD next time etc so I snapped and said “she enjoyed the holiday! I’m not been funny but your holiday photos might as well have been taken at Butlins”.

Now - this comment has come back on me ten fold - she told the entire (large) family what it id said and now I’m thought of as snobby and jealous as well as “trying to be something I’m not”. In a conversation this morning with my mum she brought it up again and asked why id said that - I told her (again!) what she’d said about my holiday photos to which she replied “well I’m not been funny but it did look a bit boring for a child”.

So was I out of order for what I said??? And AIBU to think our holiday wasn’t “totally unsuitable” for a child?

No it isn’t okay for her to be rude about your holiday and no of course you don’t have to say your holiday was boring but you do sound snobby.

Your sister sounds a nightmare! Who is she to comment on your holiday a nd if your child was bored?
She needs to learn some manners and your mother to stay out of it. Frankly if a relative said the same to me I would probably have responded in the way you did.

however and I am making some assumptions here, you are expanding your horizons and trying new things that perhaps your family thinks are outside of your “class”. I say this as some one from a very working class family some of whom expressed similar attitudes to me. Frankly you will have to ignore the jibes and try not to rise to it. Your sister was trying to provoke you and succeeded. The high moral ground on your part, a smile “oh we all had such a good time thank you” and a refusal to engage would have pissed your sister off no end and when you reflected back and realised that you had handled it in a classy manner would have given you great satisfaction
I must admit it took me awhile to learn that tactic

i would hate a Butlins style holiday as well…..

From what I've just read, the sister was being rude first. Why is it some rude people get carte blanche to say whatever crap comes out of their head and yet act the victim when they get any pushback. I see this all the time.

Glad the OP said her holiday looked like butlins! Serves her right. I think it's pretty funny but the rest of the family should just stay out of it imo..

Thanks!

And where did I say she had to turn the other cheek? She absolutely deserved a sharp response, and I offered one that wouldn't have got OP into as much trouble.

she was asking for it really! People holiday differently, you went ahead and gave your child the cultural experience. Haha she was asking for it and sounds like the jealous one that’s probably all she could afford in a holiday

A holiday is for fun. The point is to have an enjoyable week or two. You both enjoyed yourselves. Nobody wins. For what it's worth I think I would have enjoyed your holiday more and most children would have enjoyed her holiday more.

Not unreasonable at all, i have a 9yr old daughter and she loves our road trip, walking holidays as much as our beachy ones, she’s never bored. She’s also desperate to go to Pompeii and Vesuvius.
She was very rude about your holiday.

Honestly your sisters holiday is my idea of hell. Unfortunately she kept goading you so you snapped, that doesn’t make you a snob, they barely left the resort so they could have literally been anywhere warm in the world… again an all inclusive holiday is my idea of hell and I would have told her so too

I think it was a fair enough reaction tbh! The other party was being rude and judgemental so the OP eventually snapped in response!

Serves her right frankly.

What you should have said in hindsight

“please stop saying our holiday was boring. We all thoroughly enjoyed it, your holiday wasn’t our cup of tea but I wasn’t rude about it whilst looking at your photos, please stop comparing”

How to move past it

”I’m sorry if I offended you, I found it hard to keep justifying that we did infact enjoy our holiday. I wasn’t rude about your photos despite it not being our cup of tea, so i would expect the same courtesy and for you to not compare. Let’s move on, I’ve apologised for hurting your feelings, I won’t discuss this again”

Job done - if they all carry it on then you stone wall it, don’t respond to any digs or sly comments, don’t discuss the holidays, always change tact and ignore it. Boundaries

Why ask and then argue every point saying that you are in da t, being unreasonable?

FWIT I think you both sound a bit bitchy towards each other.

She is jealous, but unfortunately your remark gave her ammunition. I'd not discuss holiday pics in future.

Well I'm a snob too then, as your sisters holiday sounds like my idea of absolute hell!
I understand that all inclusive is less trouble when you have kids, but they aren't actually experiencing anything other than endless cheap food and pop!
I once compared holidays online, when I was booking a holiday. Two week all inclusive and two weeks booking flights, apartment and hire car separately. Even eating out every day, the second option was at least a grand cheaper than AI! It's ridiculous and not cost effective at all!
But like someone said upthread, horses for courses and it wouldn't do for us all to like the same holiday!

Yes.

The person being ridiculed isn’t supposed to fight back unless done ‘nicely’ and just take it and/or be the bigger person.

You be rude especially about someone’s child, don’t expect them not to say something back you don’t like.

OP’s mother also reads like she doesn’t consider her own grandchild either.

I'm with you OP. We never did kids clubs or went to large hotels when our girls were young and they loved our holidays. Your sister was very rude and critical about your holiday so I probably would have responded in the same way if I had been in your shoes.

You seemed to have the perfect holiday for your family, your DSIS is probably jealous. You were right to tell her whether she thinks it's snobby or snobby, next time she can keep her appreciation of your holiday to herself.

This is a classic - two wrongs don't make a right. Both of you were rude but you only control yourself so in your case i'd apologise.

I would love to take my DCs (late teens) to Italy and have your holiday. But my kids and husband aren't very interested in culture or history and love being active and going to waterparks! So that's what we do. They would love your sister's holiday (although we would never stay at one hotel but generally hire a care and travel about). Each to their own.

I can do different holidays with friends and family, so go with the flow for family breaks. But everyone is different. Neither you nor sister are 'wrong' but you shouldn't judge each other.

I don't blame you, OP. I'd much rather have your holiday but you had the decency to stay quiet re your sister's. She was very rude and has no taste.

You weren't being snobby, just stating what works for you, your sister was in the wrong for thinking her way is the only way, she's shallow minded but can't see it.

It doesn't sound snobby to me. Your holiday sounded fun. You could not pay me to go on holiday with your relative.

Your sister was way out of order. She deserved what she got. Poke the bear and get the claws

It's true, her sister might as well have been at Butlins and I don't know why her sister was so upset about the comment.
The OP's sister had been very rude to state that DP'S holiday must have been boring and even, not suitable for a child.
She might have thought it for her family but should have said I'm glad you had a good time.
We are all different and that's fine.
The sister shouldn't have taken offence and then gone on about it to the rest of the family. Drama queen?
The OP was not being snobby.
She just stated a fact - she didn't then tell off her sister to have a different sort of holiday in future.

Yes this, I've been on one with my Mum a long long time ago to Cuba, and we did do loads of day trips, we didn't spend day after day in the resort, but it was still not for me and honestly the idea of repeating the experience fills me with horror. I am for sure a holiday snob, but I'm obviously nodding along enthusiastically whenever anyone is telling me about their nice all inclusive holiday. I'm sure we are both well mannered enough to know that whilst it's not for us we're not telling anyone else it's boring, family or not.

I'd say yes, a bit snobby. But not unjustified or uncalled for snobbery in the circumstances.

I don't think it's worse than the behaviour that provoked it, in fact it's not even as bad.