I was snobby, apparently

[Rayners]

last year sister was showing me her holiday photos. She went to Spain and the photos were basically the kids in a holiday club, the kids eating burgers, the kids eating pizzas, the kids in a swimming pool, her DH with a pint, her and her DH doing karaoke in a bar etc etc … all of the photos were taken in the hotel complex with a couple of shots at the beach. I said they were nice photos and left it at that.
Later in the year we (me, DH and Dd) went to Italy. I uploaded a few photos on Facebook but not many. When we got back sister asked to see my photos - I said they’re on Facebook so she said “there’s hardly any on there and they’re the boring ones, I want to see them all” so I gave her my phone to scroll through them.

After a bit of scrolling she started saying stuff like “god these are boring! Were you not bored? Dd must have been bored?”

The photos in question were picturesque cobbled streets, mountains, churches, castles and abandoned towns. I said “DD loved it” so she chose one photo to show me which “proved” that DD was bored … a picture of DD sat staring ahead … at mt. Vesuvius. The reason she looked emotionless was because she was fascinated by it and often sits and stares at things … especially considering what she’d learnt that morning in Pompei!

Sister kept going on about what a boring holiday it must have been and how we should think about DD next time etc so I snapped and said “she enjoyed the holiday! I’m not been funny but your holiday photos might as well have been taken at Butlins”.

Now - this comment has come back on me ten fold - she told the entire (large) family what it id said and now I’m thought of as snobby and jealous as well as “trying to be something I’m not”. In a conversation this morning with my mum she brought it up again and asked why id said that - I told her (again!) what she’d said about my holiday photos to which she replied “well I’m not been funny but it did look a bit boring for a child”.

So was I out of order for what I said??? And AIBU to think our holiday wasn’t “totally unsuitable” for a child?

My kids would appreciate her empathy as they were dragged to Pompeii twice plus the museum in Naples and they did not enjoy it - apart from the rude bit. But they also hate kids clubs and the entertainment so avoid it when we do go all inclusive.

You bit back, it’s seems a bit snobby but most likely she already had an inferiority complex. Own it, if you enjoy history and art etc and that means you are a snob, then so what. Reminds me of school where I got similar teasing.

She was pathetic and you were a bit of a snob. Both can be, and are true.

Well my parents didn't know! I didn't even know I'd want to be around other kids back then either-it's only on looking back do I realise how lonely most of my holidays were and how nice it would've been to meet other kids. My parents basically slotted me into a childfree lifestyle. But I missed where OP said her daughter was autistic so I said ignore my comment anyway when pointed out to me by someone else. She probably would hate Mcdonalds/Butlins/waterpark etc.

This is how I saw it too. I think the sister was being incredibly rude and why should OP put up with it. It’s quite offensive to also judge how the daughter looked - suggesting she looked bored whereas OP probably thought it was a lovely picture of her being immersed in the history.

Me and dp go to Butlins every year in September for the 70s weekend! We love it! I don't know why people look down on it! Love Italy as well though!

You were both rude ( but you were right 😂)

@Rayners i refuse a holiday offer to benidorm. I’d like Italy although unsure it would be as exciting for a child .
I think with kids it’s nice to mix it up. Does she get days at the water park and beach and in the pool? As that’s what kids really like .

Your sisters does sound boring .
I think you were well within your right to have your opinion and stand up for yourself . After all your sister had plenty to say .

She was rude first! You have back what you got. If she can’t take criticism she shouldn’t dish it out!

Actually agree with you. You were goaded into saying it

As someone who enjoys both types of holiday in equal measure, she was a rude cow who can dish it out but not take it

I went on your type of holiday as a child, we did mount vesuvius, Rome, Pompei when we went to Italy and I still remember it really well. Always visited castles, cathedrals, famous places, museums everywhere we went. Us kids got a day each to choose where to go and had choice of everywhere nearby, usually chose a water park or similar so dod some 'kids' stuff too. We also did center parcs and I don't remember all that much from that even though I know we enjoyed it at the time. In my opinion your type of holiday is better, it's educational and just a different level of fun to playing in a swimming pool and if that makes me a snob then maybe we could make a snob club? It seems your entire family can't see the value in an educational trip and think kids should just go swimming and do kids activities which in all honestly seems a bit sad as the kids will miss out just because they think they wouldn't like it!

Probably the ones who can’t be bothered to push the see all for OP’s comments or their own parents didn’t care what they enjoyed when it came to holidays and they want to project their feelings about that on OP who actually thought about her daughter’s needs/wants and comfort.

Some seem to ignore that OP’s sister doesn’t seem to know much about her niece and what she likes nor actually talked to OP’s daughter herself before she started ridiculing OP’s holiday. Obviously sister wasn’t concerned about her niece just looking for a reason to be rude. Is she like this about other things OP? Is she one of those competitive siblings?

Yeah, people should try different types of holiday and not be so closed-minded. It broadens the mind. We've done all inclusives abroad, traditional bucket and spade/ice cream and chips etc in a holiday cottage, English caravan parks (quiet ones and busier ones), city breaks, US road trips, weekends in remote cottages hiking up mountains, cruises, French gites on a small complex, week on the Norfolk Broads. Center Parcs for a few days. I've found something to enjoy on all of them. Except for the gulag that was a flea-ridden cheap chalet on a holiday camp in Cornwall. Came home early from that one.

The best holidays are a mix of different types of activities. It's easy to go sight seeing in the morning and then spend the afternoon by the pool. One evening you could go for a calm stroll by the sea ending the day with a cocktail then a cup of tea and a read in bed, the next you could party or join in with some organised entertainment and go to bed at 2am. The most boring people are the ones who want to do the same thing all day every day, every year.

I remember this as a kid. Families getting competitive about holidays...it made something supposed to be a good memory into something awkward and guilt inducing. My mum used to brag about us going to america and australia around my childhood best friends parents...my childhood best friends family holidayed in the uk and actually their holidays were so lovely and wholesome that i asked to come along to a Hoseasons holiday with them! I do think your sister was out of order for voicing that she thought your holiday was boring, i hope your DD didnt overhear that. Although yes you comparing her holiday to butlins must have stung for her, she did wind you up in the first place so what did she expect?? Again i hope none of the kids overheard or witnessed this. Some of their friends parents may love butlins or so called boring, peaceful, drama free holidays!

Not read the thread but honestly we go to Butlins. We also go on holidays with scenery and things to go and see. I went to Majorca with friends last year and genuinely figured my kids would be bored. We've never done a AI package type holiday as a family because aside from the pool (and my kids aren't that fussed) I genuinely don't know what they would do unless we hired a car and explored the island.
So yes, it does sound a little snobby but also I totally get where you're coming from OP. We like to see things and get a feel for a country. We aren't sun worshippers and we love ruins, museums, history and pottering about new places....plus theme parks, a couple of hours on a beach, some time by a pool and relaxed time doing nothing.
But, each to their own!
Butlins is the only place we 'do' evening entertainment, and people can knock it but it's superb! The accommodation, however, is not!

I don’t think you seem snobby - you just clapped back because you were under attack.
it sounds like you have very different ideas about what constitutes a good holiday.

Now - this comment has come back on me ten fold - she told the entire (large) family what it id said and now I’m thought of as snobby and jealous as well as “trying to be something I’m not”. In a conversation this morning with my mum she brought it up again and asked why id said that - I told her (again!) what she’d said about my holiday photos to which she replied “well I’m not been funny but it did look a bit boring for a child”.

I have to say, I don't think this is really about the photos at all, or even the choice of holiday. It feels like family dynamics to me.

@Rayners are you always the "awkward one"? The one who can't just fit in with what everyone else wants to do? The one who "thinks she's better than us"? Are you generally expected to take criticism from other family members and never stand up for yourself?

Seriously, it's a nasty sort of (inverse) snobbery to label your choice of holiday "snobby", and what exactly are you supposed to be "jealous" of? And how CAN you be "something you're not" - that doesn't make sense at all!

And how dare your mother sneer at your choice of holiday. I bet your daughter loved it, it's exactly the kind of holiday my daughter loved as a child. One year she had a thing about cathedrals and churches (I think she was fascinated by the very special acoustics you get in large open buildings), so we visited a lot on holiday in Spain.

Oh arent you perfect.

Why muat the person bein g insulted mutliple times turn the other cheek?

Fuck it, she asked for it. Goading you into snapping tho, makes you the bad guy.

in future tell her to keep her opinions to herself.

What you said was snobby and horrible but your sister kind of asked for it. Shame you get on so badly and have so little love and respect for each other

Do you really see learning as a negative boring thing? Especially when it’s on site learning?
I don’t understand this viewpoint. Learning is just something that happens when you see or experience something new. Learning isn’t a bad thing.

@Rayners Now - this comment has come back on me ten fold - she told the entire (large) family what it id said and now I’m thought of as snobby and jealous as well as “trying to be something I’m not”. In a conversation this morning with my mum she brought it up again and asked why id said that - I told her (again!) what she’d said about my holiday photos to which she replied “well I’m not been funny but it did look a bit boring for a child”.

and your reply to that should be “and again… nobody asked you your opinion”

she’s clearly got issues with you. Jealous etc and projecting

now you know what she’s about, have your guard up.

let her think what she likes, her holiday sounds like the seven levels of hell.

I wouldn't be so sure that you know other people couldn't afford to buy a Range Rover and thatt's the only possible reason they haven't got one. You would be surprised at what things people keep private when it comes to money. Maybe people who say that just prioritise their money elsewhere and are fed up of you going on about your car, and secretly thing that it's a huge waste of money. Maybe they are more environmentally aware. Or just prefer a smaller car. Maybe they just think they're naff and a bit of a cliche. There are MANY people who don't see owning a Range Rover as an example of something to achieve.

No way are you being unreasonable. Your holiday sounds fab. She was rude, and, probably, exhibiting a bit of inverse snobbery.

not Your problem that your sister is a bit chavvy.