I was snobby, apparently

[Rayners]

last year sister was showing me her holiday photos. She went to Spain and the photos were basically the kids in a holiday club, the kids eating burgers, the kids eating pizzas, the kids in a swimming pool, her DH with a pint, her and her DH doing karaoke in a bar etc etc … all of the photos were taken in the hotel complex with a couple of shots at the beach. I said they were nice photos and left it at that.
Later in the year we (me, DH and Dd) went to Italy. I uploaded a few photos on Facebook but not many. When we got back sister asked to see my photos - I said they’re on Facebook so she said “there’s hardly any on there and they’re the boring ones, I want to see them all” so I gave her my phone to scroll through them.

After a bit of scrolling she started saying stuff like “god these are boring! Were you not bored? Dd must have been bored?”

The photos in question were picturesque cobbled streets, mountains, churches, castles and abandoned towns. I said “DD loved it” so she chose one photo to show me which “proved” that DD was bored … a picture of DD sat staring ahead … at mt. Vesuvius. The reason she looked emotionless was because she was fascinated by it and often sits and stares at things … especially considering what she’d learnt that morning in Pompei!

Sister kept going on about what a boring holiday it must have been and how we should think about DD next time etc so I snapped and said “she enjoyed the holiday! I’m not been funny but your holiday photos might as well have been taken at Butlins”.

Now - this comment has come back on me ten fold - she told the entire (large) family what it id said and now I’m thought of as snobby and jealous as well as “trying to be something I’m not”. In a conversation this morning with my mum she brought it up again and asked why id said that - I told her (again!) what she’d said about my holiday photos to which she replied “well I’m not been funny but it did look a bit boring for a child”.

So was I out of order for what I said??? And AIBU to think our holiday wasn’t “totally unsuitable” for a child?

You couldn’t pay me to go on their holiday, it sounds horrific. Yours sounds wonderful. She was being rude and you snapped, not nice, but understandable. These things happen in families, just reach out to apologise and explain that you were hurt by her comments, but you understand that she was hurt by yours too. Truce.

Not snobby at all. Sister was being a bitch and hiding u . Her family likes 1 type u like another. I prefer yours . She rattled u . Ignore her , just keep going your holidays and with your family doing your own thing. She can do hers . Hopefully she will realise what a bitch she was. Comment bout Butlins was prob true but said in the heat of the moment . Ignore her . U were in the right . Lucky daughter BTW

It’s only snobby to say something ‘looks like Butlins’ if you think Butlins is low class. So by saying you think it’s snobby, surely you are saying that you think that?

If she wasn’t being such an arsehole you wouldn’t have said that to her. It’s a lesson in being jealous of others which is clearly what she is. I don’t think you’re snobby, she sounds like a div.

I'm sorry you did not enjoy the museums and galleries etc your DP took you to see. Perhaps they did not explain well enough what you were seeing and perhaps did not intersperse the visits with other events: meals, swimming, a waterpark etc. But that you did not enjoy being 'dragged round ' these places does not mean other DC would not if the visits are done with children's interests in view (at least some of the time).

It’s obvious to me you weren’t being snobby - the holiday/photo comparison was forced on you by your sister trying to provoke you and then put you in an awkward position with the rest of the family, for reasons of her own. The problem lies with her, and I wouldn’t be surprised if there’s a history of this sort of thing.

I’m fully on your side on this. It’s your sister’s problem, not yours.

Yes this.

Although the reality with my (neurodivergent) kids lies somewhere between the two.

Saying it's snobby to compare something to Butlins doesn't mean you are being snobby about Butlins. There's a gap in your silogism somewhere in there.

So what? This a forum, not a GCSE exam 🙄😂

Well you can take this with a pinch of salt as I have always been called 'posh' (which could not be further from the truth - I rather think further examples of inverse snobbery) but we, too, holidayed in Italy and Cyprus this year. We have an 8 year old.

Italy was B&B and we went to Pompeii and Herculaneum, climbed vesuvius, visited Capri, Amalfi, Positano, Ravello and did a pizza making class (my son's request), amongst other things. In Cyprus, we went all inclusive. However, we went on boat trips, my son and husband swam with turtles, and did scuba diving. He didn't think much of the kids entertainment in the evening either! We're just not a staying in one hotel for an entire week-type people either.

I just asked my son if he would have preferred to go to a kids club or on the days out that we did in Italy and Cyprus. Firstly, he (classic mumsnet) looked horrified at the idea of a kids club and then said I'm not wasting my holiday being away from you guys.

YANBU. Your sister is an inverse snob and was constant and goading you.

Don’t back track, just own it. I would say ‘Hang on, you said my holiday was boring and I said yours was like Butlins. Each to their own. You enjoy karaoke, I don’t. Your kids like holiday clubs, mine don’t. We went to Pompeii purely because Emily loves bloody volcanos!’

It was clearly meant in a snobby way. Butlins doesn’t exist where I live anymore and would be considered old fashioned nowadays around here. And saying a holiday is like butlins is a saying which carries obvious connotations . Not sure about the uk. I’ve been to holiday parks abroad and they’ve been great. There is only centre parks where I live now and that’s actually more expensive than going abroad

Everyone is different and that’s OK. Your sis sounds a bit rude tbh.
Probably best to not holiday together!

You weren't being snobby. She told you what she thought of your holiday so you told her what you thought of hers. When she first showed you her holiday photos you were respectful but she thought nothing of being rude about yours. She sounds ignorant - how rude to say your daughter looked bored.

No. You're not being snobby AT ALL. You just have a different set of ideals for a holiday. What you did for a holiday, is my kind of a holiday, whereas a friend of mine selfies herself with stuff I wouldn't ever do. It's not snobbery at all. You just want more out of a holiday than someone else. If anyone's difficult, it's dear sister, who obviously is jealous.

This sort of adventure has never been boring to me or my children. I have 3, now grown up. They loved exploring new places when they were young, and continue now that they are adults. They are adventurous, intelligent people, with a thirst for knowledge and experience.

So sorry for poster. There's no probably about it.

"she started it!" is as juvenile as it gets.

OP allowed herself to be goaded into giving the perfect snobby sound bite to be related to all and sundry. It was never going to end well.

OP absolutely had the right to be blunt in return, but "can you stop criticising our holiday? It's the kind of trip that we enjoy, just as your holiday was one that you and your family enjoy. We're just different'" would have made her point, without giving SIL ammunition to use against her.

My mum had little money and did what she could and we counted ourselves lucky if we got a holiday at Butlins.

As an adult, with a bit more money than my Mum had, we tended to do the Italy type stuff with our family, with a few camping holidays in the UK thrown in but I have to say that my husband never got Butlins or All Inclusive Holidays at all and looked down on them.

But I have some very fond memories of them.

She sounds narrow minded and your retort does come across as snobby but only after she had provoked you, so I wouldn't be apologising. She shouldn't have been so rude. Different people like different things.

Not selfish or snobby.
Don’t let other people put you down. It’s like people saying ‘I would never buy a Range Rover’.
Well yes, I know, because u can’t afford so don’t have a go at me for achieving something that you haven’t.

My sister in law told her kids I was a snob, and ofcourse, they told everyone e else. I thought to myself 'winner, winner, chicken dinner'
It's your family who clearly have an inferiority complex, as well as being narrow-minded. I wouldn't worry about it. Take ownership. Be that snob and be proud xx

Yeah I agree with this. I’ve got lots of videos of trips when my 2 were younger but it was in the time of camcorders and DH did most of them so they’re of the most random shit. I can hear my kids talking in the background and I just want the camera to spin round so I can see them tiny again - but instead I have footage of a fucking rhino 🙄

I’m with you Op. if she thinks it’s ok to criticise your holiday then she needs to be able to take your criticism of her choices .
Her holiday sounds like hell to me . If my DSis had told me that my child looked bored on holiday I’d have said the same in return . It’s not about being snobby, it’s a matter of choice

I agree with you about the holidays👍
You overstepped the mark actually saying what you thought. (You can think it, just don't say it).
Most importantly u have leaned that this relative is a difficult person who is both rude and has a completely different take on life to you. So from now on, polite, distant and not much contact.

It's a shame you can't choose your sister. I have a similar problem.

Your family wants to keep you in the same place as them and they feel oddly threatened by your holiday. Which is obviously more sophisticated. Ignore them. My kids only ever had holidays like yours and loved them all. Your sister’s trip is the stuff of tacky nightmares.