I was snobby, apparently

[Rayners]

last year sister was showing me her holiday photos. She went to Spain and the photos were basically the kids in a holiday club, the kids eating burgers, the kids eating pizzas, the kids in a swimming pool, her DH with a pint, her and her DH doing karaoke in a bar etc etc … all of the photos were taken in the hotel complex with a couple of shots at the beach. I said they were nice photos and left it at that.
Later in the year we (me, DH and Dd) went to Italy. I uploaded a few photos on Facebook but not many. When we got back sister asked to see my photos - I said they’re on Facebook so she said “there’s hardly any on there and they’re the boring ones, I want to see them all” so I gave her my phone to scroll through them.

After a bit of scrolling she started saying stuff like “god these are boring! Were you not bored? Dd must have been bored?”

The photos in question were picturesque cobbled streets, mountains, churches, castles and abandoned towns. I said “DD loved it” so she chose one photo to show me which “proved” that DD was bored … a picture of DD sat staring ahead … at mt. Vesuvius. The reason she looked emotionless was because she was fascinated by it and often sits and stares at things … especially considering what she’d learnt that morning in Pompei!

Sister kept going on about what a boring holiday it must have been and how we should think about DD next time etc so I snapped and said “she enjoyed the holiday! I’m not been funny but your holiday photos might as well have been taken at Butlins”.

Now - this comment has come back on me ten fold - she told the entire (large) family what it id said and now I’m thought of as snobby and jealous as well as “trying to be something I’m not”. In a conversation this morning with my mum she brought it up again and asked why id said that - I told her (again!) what she’d said about my holiday photos to which she replied “well I’m not been funny but it did look a bit boring for a child”.

So was I out of order for what I said??? And AIBU to think our holiday wasn’t “totally unsuitable” for a child?

Well you arent wrong! As far as cultural capital goes your holiday was much more worthwhile

She's obviously just not into classy holidays and can't get why anyone would want to do anything cultural and off the beaten track or, even more shockingly, leave the hotel complex. Yours sounds so much nicer and I think she's the one being really funny about it. Hidden jealousy but she can't bear to say she's just jealous. Each to his own but she can't say anything. I think she's the one in the wrong not you.

I wouldn't say so.

I had a couple of lovely holidays in Butlin's Ayr when I was a kid in the 1960s. In the noughties, DH and I booked a last minute holiday in an all-inclusive hotel in Montenegro (Budva) and for those who stayed it in the hotel all the time it really was Butlin's with sunshine.

I quickly read your comments.
In conclusion, your sister sounds like she was being a nobhead, your had her off and now she's doubled down. 🙄

YANBU in my opinion. She FAFO and didn't like it. 😬

It is objectively better though.

Your holiday sounds fabulous. I took my DC to the Uffizzi when we went to Italy (also to see Giotto's frescoes in Padua). My DD was six and my DS 9 - they still remember seeing Fra Angelico's Annunciation and Boticellis' Primavera forty years later. They don't much remember the beach holiday we had in Spain. You have built memories for your DD which are wonderful.
Your SiL lacks imagination and what DC find interesting, too.

The sister was out of order repeatedly saying your holiday looked boring. Very rude. I’d have probably said the same as you did back. Let the family think what they like and carry on enjoying your holidays

If she can't take it, don't dish it out. YANBU.

@Youcancallmeirrelevant

it is better though 🤷‍♀️

Why do people think it's ok to make snarky comments, turn things into some kind of competition, then get upset when others bite back. She was out of order. I'd have said the same as you.

Your holiday sounds so much better. Your response was spot on- indeed you were restrained! Her holiday sounds awful. Each to their own though.

Actually, I'll take that back to an extent - there were some people who complained about having to pay for Smirnoff and Scotch when the hotel had unlimited supplies of included local plum brandy and pear brandy.

They were the same folk who complained about the food not being exactly like UK cuisine... so not exactly the same as Butlin's, but similar in that there was included entertainment (mainly provided by English-speaking Bulgarian students for some reason) and some folk chose not to leave the complex.

The liveliest group at the hotel was a large party of Belgian bikers and their families. Lovely folk, but DH didn't really fancy the quiz nights and bingo nights that the Bulgarian "Animation Team" kept inviting us to.

I think that everyone at the complex had a good time in their own way.

If you thought about what your child wanted, would they have picked a pool holiday or Italy?
Genuine question: have you not read the OP's posts, or are you not comprehending them?

Your family honestly sound unbearable.
Edited to clarify: Sister, Mum et al.

But it was better than theirs.

Doesn't she have anything better to do,but to complain about your photos?Jesus Christ!We all love our holidays,as they are, people around us just take a look at them,say how beautiful they are😁and they carry on with their lives.It seems that your sister and your mom live on Mt Everest,they want everything to be perfect in pictures...The most important is how you felt on those holidays,how your kids felt.People will talk forever and forever,you're the one with the greatest gain:unforgettable memories!

I agree - but then I enjoy Blackpool as well as Venice. But OP's SiL was very judgy about what constitutes an interesting holiday for DC and made comments suggesting that OP didn't care if her DD was bored and wouldn't accept that she was not. Beach holidays are ok (I hated them with DC, no way to relax at all, but children like them) but one wants something a bit more interesting some of the time. My DC enjoyed - at six and nine - the Ufizzi. They liked India, too, at about the same age, mosques, temples, markets, palaces, lakes. My DD has never quite forgiven me for taking them to a castle in Wales that consisted of a sign and some wavy bits of grass (retaliated later with a slightly more intersting castle - had a bit of wall) but they also remember running round the battlements of Harlech, climbing through the walls of Beaumaris, a shell keep. And they go on those sorts of holidays themselves.

I was dragged around all sorts of places by my parents as they wanted us to be 'cultured'. I was bored shitless. Your dd may be an exception but at least 80% of kids would prefer your sister's holiday. Yes you were snobby but you were provoked I guess.

Her comments were inverted snobbery. I have to say I laughed at what you said because her holiday sounded like Butlins to me too!

The correct syntax here is 'At least 80% of kids would prefer your sister's holiday but your dd may be an exception.'

In OPs opinion (and my opinion) her holiday was better.
In SILs opinion her holiday was better.
Neither is wrong, holidays are personal and the important thing is that the people on the holiday enjoy it, SIL is in the wrong here for her criticism and then not handling the same being done in return.

No, it was different. I think OP's was a better holiday than her SiL's and in doing so I am making a value judgement - which is not wrong, and is based on my preferences. It is wrong, or a least a bit rude, to tell someone their holiday was boring/tacky. SiL's hol doesn't sound like Butlins, btw, which looks more fun than sitting round a pool eating burgers! (Not been so saying no more about Butlins)

I think all the posters trying to get OP to take her daughter on a beach, resort, pool, karaoke, club type holiday seem to have missed OP’s post where she said.

My daughter would have hated their holiday - she’s autistic for a start so kids clubs would have been a no go, she wouldn’t have like the swimming pool due to the crowds and noise and she wouldn’t have been able to handle the noise at karaoke. Even the beach would have been too crowded for her. She did however, enjoy horse riding along a quiet beach, trying to draw the paintings in the churches and learning how to make pasta. And yes, she loved Vesuvius considering volcanoes were her special interest at the time. All kids are different and they don’t all love rowdy chaos.

I would have loved OP’s holiday and hated her sister’s when I was OP’s daughter’s age. Still would but the point is OP gave her daughter the holiday which suited her daughter and if OP's sister doesn't understand her niece that's down to her.

I can guarantee my kids wouldn’t prefer the sister’s holiday, but even if they did, the adults who are paying for the holiday are allowed to go somewhere they’d enjoy, too. There’s no way I’d be paying £££ to sit round a pool, watch other people do karaoke and drink.

ETA I meant wouldn’t prefer the sister’s holiday!

I dunno I mean you are both in the wrong sniping at each other like that. I’ve done both types of holiday with my kid. Package holidays in hotels like that aren’t really my thing and I never did them pre kids. But I did one recently and I found it pretty relaxing and my child loved it.
and actually I remember friends of mine who used to go to actual butlins every year as kids and they absolutely loved it. It is a bit snobby to say somewhere looks like butlins . She was wrong to say your holiday looked boring. Who actually cares