I was snobby, apparently

[Rayners]

last year sister was showing me her holiday photos. She went to Spain and the photos were basically the kids in a holiday club, the kids eating burgers, the kids eating pizzas, the kids in a swimming pool, her DH with a pint, her and her DH doing karaoke in a bar etc etc … all of the photos were taken in the hotel complex with a couple of shots at the beach. I said they were nice photos and left it at that.
Later in the year we (me, DH and Dd) went to Italy. I uploaded a few photos on Facebook but not many. When we got back sister asked to see my photos - I said they’re on Facebook so she said “there’s hardly any on there and they’re the boring ones, I want to see them all” so I gave her my phone to scroll through them.

After a bit of scrolling she started saying stuff like “god these are boring! Were you not bored? Dd must have been bored?”

The photos in question were picturesque cobbled streets, mountains, churches, castles and abandoned towns. I said “DD loved it” so she chose one photo to show me which “proved” that DD was bored … a picture of DD sat staring ahead … at mt. Vesuvius. The reason she looked emotionless was because she was fascinated by it and often sits and stares at things … especially considering what she’d learnt that morning in Pompei!

Sister kept going on about what a boring holiday it must have been and how we should think about DD next time etc so I snapped and said “she enjoyed the holiday! I’m not been funny but your holiday photos might as well have been taken at Butlins”.

Now - this comment has come back on me ten fold - she told the entire (large) family what it id said and now I’m thought of as snobby and jealous as well as “trying to be something I’m not”. In a conversation this morning with my mum she brought it up again and asked why id said that - I told her (again!) what she’d said about my holiday photos to which she replied “well I’m not been funny but it did look a bit boring for a child”.

So was I out of order for what I said??? And AIBU to think our holiday wasn’t “totally unsuitable” for a child?

Yet other children love that sort of thing which OP’s daughter did and does.

OP did what her daughter enjoyed (read OP’s post about her daughter), your parents didn’t.

OP is a different type of parent to yours, doesn’t make her holiday bad or her snobby.

Honest to God will people read properly.

You wanted a resort/OP's sister type holiday. Fine.
The OP says, though, her child would not enjoy that type of holiday and does enjoy the holidays they go on.

But OP’s Daughter wasn’t miserable and OP’s Sister was rude first.
This isn’t on Op. she just retaliated when her sister was being rude.

The thing is, the burger and pool people probably won’t go near a museum, castle or anything of educational interest. Each to their own. However doing what pleases a child isn’t snobby. Since when is learning snobby? No wonder schools find teaching some dc so challenging.

We did 4 nights in Barcelona and then 4 nights in Sitges. Sitges is just a short train ride from Barcelona and is a gorgeous little seaside town.

Alternate years then!

Perfect. Barcelona itself has great beaches though.

Think when you take into account OP’s daughter, OP’s sister comes off not only rude but ignorant of her own niece.

How does OP’s sister not know what her niece enjoys or not know that her niece struggles in certain environments?

How are you going to claim a family member didn’t like their holiday/thought it boring if you don’t know what the family member likes/doesn’t like?

Surely if she knew her niece, she would know that the holiday she takes her own children on would be difficult/ harder for OP’s daughter.

Our oldest is autistic and family knows what we can and can’t do in terms of environments.

I went to Butlins and similar as a child. Often we didn't see anywhere local because my parents were satisfied with staying onsite. I was often bored shitless, and as an adult I gravitated towards holidays with plenty of walking and sightseeing. There's plenty of genuine snobbery around, but in this case you're sister is unreasonable for thinking everyone must like the same things ss her.

It does, but we wanted a smaller, cosier vibe for the relaxing part of the holiday. We chose the perfect place.

She provoked you and obviously doesn't know or understand you and DD at all.

Some insecure people do treat other people making different choices as a judgement of them.

Try to feel sorry for her!

Yeah snobby. But also right.
I admit to being towards the chill out end of the holiday spectrum but she was being rude and fucking parochial. Not surprised you lost it with her. Anyone who would comment on Vesuvius as too boring for a child is patently a bit thick.

There are beaches near Rome! Quite nice ones. Ostia Lido. You can travel into the city from the coast, takes about 45 mins I think. Hotels are also cheaper.

I think from a kids perspective her kids would have enjoyed the holiday they went on more than a trip to Italy. If you thought about what your child wanted, would they have picked a pool holiday or Italy?

If I wasn't thinking about what I wanted from a holiday and picked based on my kids, they the pool /beach holiday would win. My kids love a pool holiday. We have been on cultural holidays also and while my son who is older enjoys them, my daughter does not find the history of places very interesting and wouldn't have picked that type of holiday.

So maybe from your sister's perspective, she would assume that your kids would enjoy the type of holiday that she was on rather than the type you were on which she pointed out. Maybe it was like Butlins, but kids love Butlins.

Can you afford a self-catering villa either on a resort or with its own pool? Then you can have the best of both worlds.

Your sister was rude. From your tone though it does come across that you think your holiday was classier and more superior.

AI holidays at reasonably nice resorts are also nothing like Butlins, having been to Butlins many times. For a start, it's usually cold and wet at Butlins, and the food is pretty basic and often not nice at all. But I do find the entertainment at Butlins is usually pretty good and above most of the AI's I have been to overseas.

Of course she thinks it was superior as far as her own preferences are concerned, that's why she chose it over something her sister would prefer.

What do you expect her to say? "Mine is objectively a less good holiday but I chose it anyway"?

@GalaxyJam Exactly. I've just been accused of 'performative restraint' on another thread because I ate less chocolate than some other people. I wasn't competing - it was just a fact.

I think you would never have made the Butlins comment had your sister not provoked you and frankly it seems she has some sort of chip on her shoulder. Team OP

I suspect there’s a correlation on here between people’s views on whether you were snobby and which holiday they would have preferred.

My 2p worth is that if you’d made your comment on seeing her photos the first time it would have sounded snobby. After she trashed your holiday? Fair game. She needs to pick a lane.

And yes, I’d have rather had your holiday than hers.

I don’t think you were being snobby and going by photos alone I’d say you both prefer different things to take photos of.
Do they have days out or live by the pool everyday? Then if they stay in the hotel, all she can take photos of is the family eating, drinking, swimming ect.
Whereas you clearly like seeing where you are holidaying, and getting out. She may be a tad jealous of you and the fact you do go elsewhere and to top it, you then go on trips.
perhaps you could have worded it differently but when you’re constantly being got at, being nice goes out the window.
I get it from my family about where I go, but I don’t go out weekly on nights out, blowing £100 or more, that’s my holiday money, and difference in priorities.

I wouldn't be bothered what she said. As long as you enjoyed your holiday. 🤷 To be fair your holiday sounds great and me and my partner would do sightseeing holidays before we had children. We backpacked around the world. But now we have children (4 and 1) it wouldn't be a holiday that they would enjoy. Maybe some teenagers might be more interested but my children like kids clubs and swimming on holiday. My nephews (12+13) are more sporty than into history and would find museums boring too. They enjoyed a holiday in the summer full of watersports and waterparks.

For the moment (until the kids are 18) we will focus our holidays on what they like and do our sightseeing holidays once they are older.

Exactly this. I had a friend who used to take the piss out of the way I spoke and it was really quite wearing after awhile. And she used to laugh it off as ‘bants’ but if I had taken the piss out of the way she spoke, I would’ve been labelled a snob - and I would never take the piss out of the way somebody speaks, anyway.

it could be that your sister is projecting. Perhaps she feels as though a part of her thinks that your holiday is in a different ‘class’ to hers on some level? The fact is you both enjoy two completely different holiday styles and that’s okay; neither of you should be trying to outdo the other.

what’s your relationship Usually like? Does she often compare or criticise things that you do/Eat/Wear/listen to or Read for example?

Her constant comments about boring your trip looked make it sound like she was very jealous. It's not a nice thing to say even if you think it. She was trying to minimize what was obviously a lovely holiday.