I was snobby, apparently

[Rayners]

last year sister was showing me her holiday photos. She went to Spain and the photos were basically the kids in a holiday club, the kids eating burgers, the kids eating pizzas, the kids in a swimming pool, her DH with a pint, her and her DH doing karaoke in a bar etc etc … all of the photos were taken in the hotel complex with a couple of shots at the beach. I said they were nice photos and left it at that.
Later in the year we (me, DH and Dd) went to Italy. I uploaded a few photos on Facebook but not many. When we got back sister asked to see my photos - I said they’re on Facebook so she said “there’s hardly any on there and they’re the boring ones, I want to see them all” so I gave her my phone to scroll through them.

After a bit of scrolling she started saying stuff like “god these are boring! Were you not bored? Dd must have been bored?”

The photos in question were picturesque cobbled streets, mountains, churches, castles and abandoned towns. I said “DD loved it” so she chose one photo to show me which “proved” that DD was bored … a picture of DD sat staring ahead … at mt. Vesuvius. The reason she looked emotionless was because she was fascinated by it and often sits and stares at things … especially considering what she’d learnt that morning in Pompei!

Sister kept going on about what a boring holiday it must have been and how we should think about DD next time etc so I snapped and said “she enjoyed the holiday! I’m not been funny but your holiday photos might as well have been taken at Butlins”.

Now - this comment has come back on me ten fold - she told the entire (large) family what it id said and now I’m thought of as snobby and jealous as well as “trying to be something I’m not”. In a conversation this morning with my mum she brought it up again and asked why id said that - I told her (again!) what she’d said about my holiday photos to which she replied “well I’m not been funny but it did look a bit boring for a child”.

So was I out of order for what I said??? And AIBU to think our holiday wasn’t “totally unsuitable” for a child?

You’ve made some quite impressive leaps there. Let me try and clear up what I meant.

By ‘incorporating learning into everything’ I mean things like:

Learning the names of the trees, plants and critters we see on nature walks, identifying leaves and types of wildflowers. or doing maths in the supermarket, counting how much money we have to spend and how much things cost.

I never said children didn’t learn from all inclusive holidays, I simply said it was a weird take to be offended that someone else’s child was learning.

I don’t know where you got neglect from honestly, this is a very dramatic response.

That comment feels totally justified to me. I’m with you, you weren’t being snobby, just fed up. What you said was fully warranted and she deserved it!

I don’t take it as snobby, I take it as, they could have been anywhere.

Why is acceptable for you to be insulted but can’t give it back??

Last year we went to Tenerife. I do enjoy chilling by the pool but I also want to explore and sight see. We went with my in-laws 😑 they didn’t do much except stay by the pool. When they did come with us for a walk they were so slow and just wanted to shop.

You definitely make the holiday what you want. I don’t see the point of going to another country and not seeing it.

@Firefly1987

OP did what was best for her daughter who is autistic.

My daughter would have hated their holiday - she’s autistic for a start so kids clubs would have been a no go, she wouldn’t have like the swimming pool due to the crowds and noise and she wouldn’t have been able to handle the noise at karaoke. Even the beach would have been too crowded for her. She did however, enjoy horse riding along a quiet beach, trying to draw the paintings in the churches and learning how to make pasta. And yes, she loved Vesuvius considering volcanoes were her special interest at the time. All kids are different and they don’t all love rowdy chaos

I doubt OP’s sister took her niece’s autism into consideration when she made such comments which would be the first instinct of a decent, thoughtful family member, not ridiculing the holiday because it wasn’t what she likes or her kids would.

@phoenixrosehere oh shoot I missed that! Totally the right thing then ignore my post! x

I have personally been on this type of holidays and they are pretty much like Butlins. She spoke the truth.. Many of us fail to admit that we all want to find somewhere to slob out on holiday and do the minimum. Sightseeing can be a pain and not appreciated by some younger children. People pick easy street holidays to chillax and have a good time, however most of these type holidays look samey unless you deliberately go out and do some sightseeing/activities outside the complex. The OP is not wrong. However you fail to see how this sibling is already is showing disapproval of her holiday snaps by saying where are your other pictures because she sees things from her own dimension, if anything, the sister’s OP is the one who is intolerant of other choices of holidays that are dissimilar to hers because they don’t fit in her definition of holidays.

You said it to shut her yak
Totally understandable.

She is a twat... and can't take what she dishes out.

We definitely don't all want to slob out on holiday and do the bare minimum! That's my idea of hell and I suspect the people I've met on touring/backpacking/hiking/activity holidays would agree with me.

Talk about reverse snobbery - she was the one criticising your holiday first!
YANBU.

I think I'd prefer going to work rather than the sister's holiday.

The snobbery (inverted) was your sister's.

Your sister is an idiot, and if liking a holiday that is about more than stuffing your face and never leaving the hotel to go anywhere other than a beach makes you snobby then I'm proud to be snobby! You had your views of their holiday and kept them quiet until your sister came out with her inane comments, you've done nothing wrong.

If my family behaved like this (they most certainly wouldn't btw) I would be steering clear of them for a while.

Doesn't that work both ways though? Didn't sister criticise OPs holiday first or am I missing something?

Not snobby at all. She was very rude about your holiday and bang out of order to suggest your DD is somehow being neglected. Eventually you were goaded into the Butlins comment.

Your sister is a dick to have commented in the first
place

I love both high end all inclusives and butlins

Right.

Several posters choose to ignore the sister’s behaviour and comments which led to OP’s comment in the first place and that OP’s daughter wouldn’t have liked the kind of holiday that her aunt and cousins went on in the first place in part to her autism.

I doubt these posters would have sat there and allowed someone to ridicule their holiday and tell them how their children couldn’t have had a good time without getting annoyed and said something back.

She goaded you into the comments about her holiday. It sounds like jealousy to me.

For the record, we did your holiday a couple of years ago with 11 & 18 year old boys. Naples, Pompeii, trekked to the top of Vesuvius in hammering down rain, Rome for a day and a ferry to Capri. For 5 days, staying in Naples it cost us less than £2000 for 4 people. So yours was probably the cheaper holiday.

Some kids are bored just going to a pool and beach (mine can do that here in a coastal town). When asked which bit they liked best on returning home, my then 18 year old said "definitely Capri and then Rome". My 11 year old said "running up Vesuvius in the pouring rain". My eldest looked at him like he was batshit but the youngest loves that sort of thing.

Saying children can't enjoy a more varied, interesting holiday and must be bored is utterly ridiculous.

But the OP said her child wouldn’t like ‘child-centric’ holidays (whatever they are) and did enjoy the holiday they went on. Why do you assume she doesn’t know what she’s talking about?

Well you were a bit bit she was
rude

I take my kids on holidays like you. We usually take the car and drive around various interesting places. The kids aren’t “learning” in a boring sense but they do learn far more about different countries and cultures than they would do on an AI holiday and they enjoy it.

i’m totally snobby about AI holidays. I admit it though.

lol

This thread is hilarious with everyone trying to one up everyone else 😂

It makes me laugh that people describing their own holidays/preferences is seen as trying to ‘one up’ someone else. It’s just facts. There’s a weird attitude on her sometimes that preferring to spend your holiday anywhere other than an AI resort is ‘pretentious’.