I was snobby, apparently

[Rayners]

last year sister was showing me her holiday photos. She went to Spain and the photos were basically the kids in a holiday club, the kids eating burgers, the kids eating pizzas, the kids in a swimming pool, her DH with a pint, her and her DH doing karaoke in a bar etc etc … all of the photos were taken in the hotel complex with a couple of shots at the beach. I said they were nice photos and left it at that.
Later in the year we (me, DH and Dd) went to Italy. I uploaded a few photos on Facebook but not many. When we got back sister asked to see my photos - I said they’re on Facebook so she said “there’s hardly any on there and they’re the boring ones, I want to see them all” so I gave her my phone to scroll through them.

After a bit of scrolling she started saying stuff like “god these are boring! Were you not bored? Dd must have been bored?”

The photos in question were picturesque cobbled streets, mountains, churches, castles and abandoned towns. I said “DD loved it” so she chose one photo to show me which “proved” that DD was bored … a picture of DD sat staring ahead … at mt. Vesuvius. The reason she looked emotionless was because she was fascinated by it and often sits and stares at things … especially considering what she’d learnt that morning in Pompei!

Sister kept going on about what a boring holiday it must have been and how we should think about DD next time etc so I snapped and said “she enjoyed the holiday! I’m not been funny but your holiday photos might as well have been taken at Butlins”.

Now - this comment has come back on me ten fold - she told the entire (large) family what it id said and now I’m thought of as snobby and jealous as well as “trying to be something I’m not”. In a conversation this morning with my mum she brought it up again and asked why id said that - I told her (again!) what she’d said about my holiday photos to which she replied “well I’m not been funny but it did look a bit boring for a child”.

So was I out of order for what I said??? And AIBU to think our holiday wasn’t “totally unsuitable” for a child?

Your sister was goady and rude - repeatedly. I would have told her to stop criticising your holiday as it’s not okay. Yes you snapped back, also being rude. That’s she’s run bleating to everyone else for a pile on is bad though. Not nice at all and playing the victim.

I don’t think you sound snobby.

Why is it ok for your sister to start saying your holiday looked boring and your DD must have been bored etc but it’s not ok for you to describe hers as Butlins the sun?

I lived in Tenerife for years and we described many of the hotels the same way 🤣

exactly!

And may I add, people who only eat this on holiday and not trying any type of local cuisine have zero interest in given country’s culture. Why travel then.

Oh come on. She’s seen that you’ve gone on a cultural sightseeing holiday that your DD loved and feels inferior because she went to an all inclusive so she lashed out. It’s the same as telling people they are too thin… you’d like that to be your reality but it isn’t so you scoff at it to convince yourself your reality is better. Basic psychology but still rude so she got what she deserved.

You’re upset because she criticised your holiday as boring for your dd. She took the Butlins jibe as a snobbish remark (sounds totally justified! But perhaps more tactful not to have said it.) laugh it off, make it up with your sister. This is such a silly thing by to have a tiff about.

Nah. It's not really snobby if it's true, and anyway if expressing the opinion that your holiday in Italy was better than the lowest-common-denominator dreck your sister prefers then well, I'll happily be badged the snobbiest snob in Snobton.

You sound like you like my kind of holidays and I wouldn't survive a butlins style "forced entertainment" type!! Be my worst nightmare!
YANBU

You sound rather disparaging of holidays that involve a bit of culture. Why is that? And how do you know OP didn't have some beers in the sunshine as well?

Right.

My husband had beers and wine when we went to Sorrento. Had them while enjoying the view of the sea and Mt.Vesuvius.

This

I think your holiday sounds charming and relaxing.
I would far prefer your style of holiday to a Spanish resort style getaway.
I suppose you did sound a little bit snobby with the Butlins comment, but she was being incredibly rude and I do get where you're coming from. Maybe I'm a bit snobby too! 🤷‍♀️🤣

YANBU
she was literally repeatedly declaring your holiday was boring
so she fully deserved it when you finally responded

Where did OP say 'everything' had been a learning opportunity?

Yabu for saying been when you mean being.

But I don't blame you for snapping and your holiday sounds great. I would die of boredom on a hotel package holiday and your sister was very rude to you.

I went on both types of holidays as a kid and I can tell you the ones I remember most aren't where I was in the kid's clubs or spending all day jumping in the pool (though I did love them), but things like visiting the Coliseum and Ephesus... so there's merit to both. I can see how your comment came across as snobby, but your sister was being an arse and you snapped so it was a fair comment IMO.

I saw OP using Butlins as a comparison as opposed to an insult.

She's rude and goady.

You snapped, possibly not your finest moment but your comment is absolutely on the nail. Such photos could be taken in any hotel pool complex on a vaguely sunny day. Yawn.

I'd far rather go places and do things, see new stuff etc, I've never particularly liked the 'hanging around doing nothing' holidays, the rare ones we went to (Key Camp, France) I used to escape and take myself for a walk to find things that interested me. I spent half of one holiday helping at a French riding school for free rides (it was the early 90s, not sure you'd get away with that now without some parental involvement!).

Your sister et al sound like total arseholes. In future I would refuse to tell them about any holidays and refuse to hear/see photos of theirs. (Btw your holiday sounds a million times better - they are the snobs - I've come across a lot of something I can only term as "working class snobbery" where people sneer at anything they perceive to be more "middle class" than their "working class" behaviours/choices).

Yep 👍

I can kind of see where your sister is coming from just because my parents took me on lots of holidays like this and I never got to meet any other kids. I just stayed in the car and slept half the time whilst they went off walking. Did go to Haven when I was 15 but too old to enjoy the kids stuff by then.

I think it's fine as long as you do some kid-centric holidays. If you're an only child or much younger sibling (as I was) it can get really lonely on holiday being the only kid around with no other kids to play with. She's definitely being mean how she put it across though!

It seems to me that you gave your daughter an appropriate and stimulating vacation set to her tolerance. What a beautiful gift that is. I am sure she will always remember it.

What a shame it is that you have been mocked, bullied and reprimanded for this because your vacation was not instagram exciting. To hell with that.

I am sorry that your own sister and mom can’t even recognize what a stellar mom you have been. You deserve more support than this.

Your sister sounds very rude, but you also sound like a snob. Neither of you come out of this especially well, really.

Yeah, this is pretty much it. The sister was doing that thing of asking someone 27 times “Are you sure I haven’t put on weight?” - and then when they finally crack and say “Okay, maybe a few pounds” bursting into tears and wailing “I can’t believe you said I was fat!!” 😭

If you poke someone enough times, they slap you.