I was snobby, apparently

[Rayners]

last year sister was showing me her holiday photos. She went to Spain and the photos were basically the kids in a holiday club, the kids eating burgers, the kids eating pizzas, the kids in a swimming pool, her DH with a pint, her and her DH doing karaoke in a bar etc etc … all of the photos were taken in the hotel complex with a couple of shots at the beach. I said they were nice photos and left it at that.
Later in the year we (me, DH and Dd) went to Italy. I uploaded a few photos on Facebook but not many. When we got back sister asked to see my photos - I said they’re on Facebook so she said “there’s hardly any on there and they’re the boring ones, I want to see them all” so I gave her my phone to scroll through them.

After a bit of scrolling she started saying stuff like “god these are boring! Were you not bored? Dd must have been bored?”

The photos in question were picturesque cobbled streets, mountains, churches, castles and abandoned towns. I said “DD loved it” so she chose one photo to show me which “proved” that DD was bored … a picture of DD sat staring ahead … at mt. Vesuvius. The reason she looked emotionless was because she was fascinated by it and often sits and stares at things … especially considering what she’d learnt that morning in Pompei!

Sister kept going on about what a boring holiday it must have been and how we should think about DD next time etc so I snapped and said “she enjoyed the holiday! I’m not been funny but your holiday photos might as well have been taken at Butlins”.

Now - this comment has come back on me ten fold - she told the entire (large) family what it id said and now I’m thought of as snobby and jealous as well as “trying to be something I’m not”. In a conversation this morning with my mum she brought it up again and asked why id said that - I told her (again!) what she’d said about my holiday photos to which she replied “well I’m not been funny but it did look a bit boring for a child”.

So was I out of order for what I said??? And AIBU to think our holiday wasn’t “totally unsuitable” for a child?

I'd prefer to go somewhere cultural on holiday and to be snobby, rather than to be common.

Also - Im so looking forward to the comments regarding my post 😃

I think she was clearly jealous of your holiday. She was behaving in a way where she clearly felt that she could say everything was about her family, she put her family first etc. she needed putting in her place.she prob makes comments (prob behind your back) about your DD being an only child

Your holiday sounds lovely OP. Travel and culture is how chn learn. It doesn’t mean it’s not fun. They need to open their minds and realise that. They are probably just scared of your type of holiday- they want to stay safe by the pool with a burger and pint. She realised that what you had done was out of her reach mentally so put you down instead. Head up, ignore.

Brace yourself, @ForeverTheOptomist!

I agree with you, btw.

Your family sound like basic arseholes.

You're instinctively an aristocrat by comparison! 😂

Nah she deserved it the rude cowpat

Pints, pizza, and burgers are generic, they could be from any country on any continent in the world. Why is pointing that out snobbish?

Nobody said you were a liar though, did they.

Because you were right.

My DD loved Hadrians Wall, visiting no end of English Heritage sites and is looking forward to seeing the Mayan ruins next week. But also loved eating burger king most days in Orlando last year and loved the Fantasia all inclusive in Tenerife (excellent kids club). They can like both.

You have fallen foul of the 'you can punch up, but not down' rule that all comedians (except Ricky Gervais) have to abide by.
Your family are allowed to 'punch up' and tell you your holiday is boring because it is educational and you are being fancy, highbrow and middle class. You are not allowed to 'punch down' because their idea of a holiday is spending all day at a swim up bar, sitting in other peoples pee, or singing karaoke.

I think they probably called you a snob behind your back before this anyway and this has just given them an excuse to say it.

I don't think you are a snob - a snob would go to Italy and hate it, but tell everyone how wonderful it was. That is not you. I think you were just annoyed and wanted to hurt your sisters feelings at that moment in time. I do think those closest to us can bring out the worst in us. You're just going to have to be honest say that your sister really hurt your feelings as she implied you don't care about your daughters happiness and so you were rude about her holiday to hurt her back.

Either that or next year you will have to do a Wife Swap, so you can experience each others point of view! If you do that - please report back here 😁

OP I wouldn't go to Butlins if you paid me and I hate how every person who tries to do/have nice things is described as 'snobby'. It just means you have better standards. Good for you.

I don't see you as being snobby at all. You only said what you did because she was dragging your holiday down. She fafo and now is playing the victim. You only gave her what she gave you first, after she constantly continued to do so🤷

Also, how did you do that holiday cheaply? I'm jealous! 😍

Good God, how some people live.
Like any of this nonsense should even be noticed or considered.
Who gives a toss about other people’s holidays anyway?

And if ‘being snobby’ (a stupid dated term) means the OP giving her child some educational and cultural experiences beyond getting pissed by the pool, then jolly good for her.

I don’t think you were being snobby, you snapped because you were being pushed.
Your sister is clearly very insecure - if she was happy with her holiday she wouldn’t have felt the need to comment negatively on yours.
FWIW my young DC would have loved your holiday. Horses for courses and all that.

Neither would I, and if that makes me a snob then so be it, I’ll own that!

I feel sorry for your child if you think that learning is a chore and not fun!
My daughter constantly asks to be taken to the library and museums. Her favourite book at the moment is A kid’s life in Ancient Greece. We do not ‘make’ her learn, she sees it as fun.
She also loves to splash around in a pool. People are multifaceted and it’s possible to like lots of different things.

I mean yeah, it's a snobby comment but she wasn't exactly innocent herself, repeatedly calling your holiday boring and trying to find proof in your photos. She was very critical about your holiday and in return you were critical of hers.

You don't sound snobby to me @Rayners I'm off to Butlin's for a 80's weekend and I frankly don't care what others think, I am soo looking forward to it. I've never been before.

As for your hols, yours sounds fab - that part of Italy is beautiful and full of history, they're still excavating Pompeii and Herculaneum and it's a great place to take kids imo.

Your sister sounds like she likes pool/beach hols. Each to their own. She was rude as F to you. Well done for standing up fir yourself. She is clearly ill educated if she does not think visiting the place affected by one of the worse volcanic eruptions ever is not worth seeing and learning about. I visited Herculaneum last summer on a cruise stop. I booked a tour with an archaeologist, it was brilliant. The kids on the tour with us has loads of Qs too.

Leave her prob with her.

I believe this. My daughter shushed me the other day when I talked over her podcast about the War of the Roses. Some kids just love to learn.

Your holiday sounds right up my street and hers sounds awful. Family is different to friends but I do have to be careful what I say when my friends talk about all inclusive in Tenerife with kids club and I say that’s sounds lovely for you an your family when in reality I can’t think of anything worse.
it’s true though, I couldn’t say anything negative about all inclusive without sounding snobby but people do like to make little comments on our trips to Asia with children even though I’m desperately not trying to show off or anything, it’s just what we like - temples, museums , galleries , no kids menu at meals. They literally love it.

Same. I was too along with Egypt and the Egyptians (thank ‘The Mummy’ movies with Brendan Fraser and learning about mummification in school). I don’t like being by a pool or a beach for days on end, and having gone to summer camp for years and wished I was in school instead, I definitely wouldn’t have been keen on a kids club. If I can do something in my own country, I don’t particularly see the point of spending the extra money and time doing it in another.

It’s why when we go on holidays with the in-laws I look for other things to do and take the local transport to other areas. Growing up, holidays were spent seeing different cultural and historical places, going to museums (many free), and I loved it. My dad said it wasn’t until he had children that he actually went on holidays that wasn’t to a family member’s house and back. Like me, he wanted to see the things that he saw in his history books and on television and feels blessed that he has lived to do so. I still remember his face when he saw Notre Dame in Paris before the fire.

I’m surprised your dm even commented

your dsis wasn’t being very nice about your holiday

Maybe start with not calling other people's holidays boring?

Well, on the one hand you were a bit snobby, on the other she was really rude and deserved it.

You looked at her photos and said they were nice.

She looked at your photos and criticised each one as she swiped through.

It is obvious who was rude and its not you OP.