I was snobby, apparently

[Rayners]

last year sister was showing me her holiday photos. She went to Spain and the photos were basically the kids in a holiday club, the kids eating burgers, the kids eating pizzas, the kids in a swimming pool, her DH with a pint, her and her DH doing karaoke in a bar etc etc … all of the photos were taken in the hotel complex with a couple of shots at the beach. I said they were nice photos and left it at that.
Later in the year we (me, DH and Dd) went to Italy. I uploaded a few photos on Facebook but not many. When we got back sister asked to see my photos - I said they’re on Facebook so she said “there’s hardly any on there and they’re the boring ones, I want to see them all” so I gave her my phone to scroll through them.

After a bit of scrolling she started saying stuff like “god these are boring! Were you not bored? Dd must have been bored?”

The photos in question were picturesque cobbled streets, mountains, churches, castles and abandoned towns. I said “DD loved it” so she chose one photo to show me which “proved” that DD was bored … a picture of DD sat staring ahead … at mt. Vesuvius. The reason she looked emotionless was because she was fascinated by it and often sits and stares at things … especially considering what she’d learnt that morning in Pompei!

Sister kept going on about what a boring holiday it must have been and how we should think about DD next time etc so I snapped and said “she enjoyed the holiday! I’m not been funny but your holiday photos might as well have been taken at Butlins”.

Now - this comment has come back on me ten fold - she told the entire (large) family what it id said and now I’m thought of as snobby and jealous as well as “trying to be something I’m not”. In a conversation this morning with my mum she brought it up again and asked why id said that - I told her (again!) what she’d said about my holiday photos to which she replied “well I’m not been funny but it did look a bit boring for a child”.

So was I out of order for what I said??? And AIBU to think our holiday wasn’t “totally unsuitable” for a child?

Unless I’ve missed it, you don’t say ages of the kids but as a teen I went on ‘your’ sort of holiday and was absolutely bored out of my mind, as were my siblings. My parents loved it until they realised what a miserable time we all had. The following year we went to Butlins - and it was fantastic, so much for us to do and so much age appropriate independence.

As an adult, your sisters holiday sounds like my idea of Hell on earth but as a kid, great I’m afraid. You did sound like a bit of a snob.

She was rude. So were you.

You're not snobby.

Your sister was being an arse. You bit back once and now you're the bad guy.

I interpreted the Butlins comment to mean her photos are generic holiday snaps that could have been taken anywhere.

Every trip you take or place you visit will have loads of other kids with their parents. If your DD was bored you'd know about it.

I think there is a class divide between these two sisters, probably as a result of the men they married.

I don't get that from your post at all OP. You were giving your opinion which was simply a matter of fact. If someone thinks that snobby it says more about them.

If it looks like Butlins it looks like Butlins and that's just a different type of holiday. You havn't made any value judgements.

It's difficult picking a holiday with kids plural. All inclusive, with entertainment on tap we did a couple of times for our youngest. The two oldest we went self catering and did the sightseeing, they had each other to play with. The youngest born 18 years later was an only child really and enjoyed other little ones to play with.

She clearly enjoys simple person holidays. When people are being stupid it’s best to ignore them rather than get provoked…

I think your sister is jealous of your holiday and she’s being pretty pathetic for involving your wider family in this

As a kid, I would much prefer OP's type of holiday and still do. It's nothing to do with snobbery, just personal preference.

Your sister gave out so has to take it imo! It sounds like your daughter had a great time and your sister obviously doesn’t understand autism if she thinks a packed noisy environment would be more fun

Same. I never enjoyed AI type holidays as a kid.

Totally, but also a neurotypical/neurodivergent divide. When the OP said her daughter was staring at the volcano in one photo I thought “autistic” before she even said it. So I’m not surprised she is sensitive about her family picking holes in her holiday plans when it takes so much more thought and organising when taking a disabled kid on holiday. Pretty crushing to then have your sister be horrible about it. She deserves what she got!

So damned what if she's a bit of a snob? She actually isn't, her sister started the whole thing off and got slapped down. Her sister is the jealous one, she needs to be careful of her.

Your sister was being a bitch and getting your mum on side with her. It would be this pattern of behaviour that would bother me (if it is a pattern) not a disagreement over holidays. To address your question - well I suppose it was snobby but fair play in response to her bitchy comment about your holiday, and anyway she started it!

Actually you can enjoy both types of holiday. I have done both myself and yours will have no doubt cost a heck of a lot more than your sisters, but it's just that with very young children it is just easier to do an all inclusive. Personally I prefer your holiday, it is a fact that your holiday is more culturally educational and classy. I surprised anyone could question that because it is just a fact. There is a reason why Italy refuse to do all inclusive resorts like Spain. They don't want to and there is a very good reason for that.

Not at all, the men we married are actually pretty similar. All 4 of us have grown up working class. I just always preferred peace and quiet and had an interest in history whereas sister preferred partying and socialising - and this was before we met our husbands.

Example - When sister left school she went to Ibiza with her friends. I went up north in the uk with one friend to horse ride and visit a wolf sanctuary. We were just very different - nothing to do with men.

Yes that’s exactly how it was meant. From her photos she could have been in the UK - even the beach photos didn’t contain any hint of being abroad

Typical sibling argument. I’d keep my distance from her. She’s a gobby, spiteful piece of work. Anyone would snap when rubbed the wrong way enough times, it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re snobby.

*Being, not been.

You’re each entitled to take your kids on whatever kind of holiday you like, and if your kid enjoyed it great. But, the stuff you’ve said here about her photos sounded pretty snobby -burgers and pizza and pints.. I think we can all read the judgment there. We’re all a lot more transparent than we think we are, so she probably felt that too, and wanted to get you back. And then you made the Butlins jab, and proved her absolutely right.

I’m with you OP. She was rude telling you that your DD was bored. How dare she!
I’d have made the Butlins comment too, and I’d have been proud of saying it, just to annoy her even more 😂

I'd prefer to be snobby than rude or common.

Sounds to me as though she saw your photos and was jealous and decided to try to out you down instead . Horrible behaviour. Would’ve been better if you’d not lashed out with your words and risen above it but I understand .

Are people really this daft.

I don't think she would have made those comments about the pizza and the pints if her sister hadn't been so frightfully rude about her holiday.

She's come on here to mention it after her holidays already been criticised. Nothing to suggest she took oneLook at her sister's photos and felt any kind of snobbery. Only when her sister made nasty comments did she say anything back.

But op didnt comment apart from to say they were nice photos. It’s only after the criticism of her holiday that she made the Butlins comment.