I was snobby, apparently

[Rayners]

last year sister was showing me her holiday photos. She went to Spain and the photos were basically the kids in a holiday club, the kids eating burgers, the kids eating pizzas, the kids in a swimming pool, her DH with a pint, her and her DH doing karaoke in a bar etc etc … all of the photos were taken in the hotel complex with a couple of shots at the beach. I said they were nice photos and left it at that.
Later in the year we (me, DH and Dd) went to Italy. I uploaded a few photos on Facebook but not many. When we got back sister asked to see my photos - I said they’re on Facebook so she said “there’s hardly any on there and they’re the boring ones, I want to see them all” so I gave her my phone to scroll through them.

After a bit of scrolling she started saying stuff like “god these are boring! Were you not bored? Dd must have been bored?”

The photos in question were picturesque cobbled streets, mountains, churches, castles and abandoned towns. I said “DD loved it” so she chose one photo to show me which “proved” that DD was bored … a picture of DD sat staring ahead … at mt. Vesuvius. The reason she looked emotionless was because she was fascinated by it and often sits and stares at things … especially considering what she’d learnt that morning in Pompei!

Sister kept going on about what a boring holiday it must have been and how we should think about DD next time etc so I snapped and said “she enjoyed the holiday! I’m not been funny but your holiday photos might as well have been taken at Butlins”.

Now - this comment has come back on me ten fold - she told the entire (large) family what it id said and now I’m thought of as snobby and jealous as well as “trying to be something I’m not”. In a conversation this morning with my mum she brought it up again and asked why id said that - I told her (again!) what she’d said about my holiday photos to which she replied “well I’m not been funny but it did look a bit boring for a child”.

So was I out of order for what I said??? And AIBU to think our holiday wasn’t “totally unsuitable” for a child?

Yeah I do feel a bit sorry for your DD. I mean your sister’s trip sounds like my idea of hell but your poor DD having to ‘learn’ things on her holiday? Crikey. Fair enough if it’s in addition to your usual holiday, just a European city break to take in a bit of culture but spending your main holiday ‘learning?’ That’s a bit mean.As an adult, I’d adore a trip to Italy 🇮🇹 But it’s a bit unfair on a child (of any age) to spend an entire holiday there, learning.

Are you mad?
They went to Pompeii and Vesuvius - pretty much the most exciting thing imaginable, according to my son who was desperate to go there as a kid. There's loads of fascinating stuff to learn about that, it's extremely interesting. DD went with her Geography A-Level course and it was "one of the best trips ever," she said.
This is a kid who's been to Walt Disney World three times.

If you have the kind of attitude that equates Learning with Boring, that's just kind of sad. Learning stuff is fun and exciting when you're a kid.

@Rayners - you weren't wrong about your sister's holiday, though, were you? Everything they did and everything they ate they could have done in the U.K., like Butlins. All they got for their air travel was heat.

What you got from your air travel was to visit an actual bloody volcano, a World Heritage site and to eat some of the best food on the planet.

I know who I think got better value for money and carbon footprint...

YANBU

She was being ridiculously rude and I bet expected you to fawn over her photos and when you didn’t give her the reaction she wanted, she doubled down. Why go on about you not putting enough on Facebook and wanting you to show her more only to call yours boring?

My guess is she didn’t expect you to say something back and now wants to play victim.

Not sure why some want to act as if many children don’t love learning and seeing things they read about in books in real time. Learning can actually be fun .. shocking.

Plus, OP obviously knows what her child likes and doesn’t like and her child enjoyed herself. Just because OP’s sister doesn’t think so because her children enjoy something else doesn’t make it right nor is OP snobby for her comment.

Don’t start anything won’t be anything comes to mind. Sister should have kept her comments to herself instead of being unreasonably rude.

I was thinking the same.

She was goading you...
and you fell for it and responded.
She then got to go around the whole family bad mouthing you.
Sis good - OP bad.

repeating again and again that your DD looked bored until you snapped back.
and now... she is able to tell everyone you are a snob.

Is this a repeating pattern between you?
Don't play her game any more.
Say a lot less. Be neutral.. it will annoy her more than the snapping. and will be a lot less stressful for you.
She's doing competitive over sharing and trying to make sure she comes out on top. And from the sound of it... she's still bringing the subject up again.

So don't engage. Laugh/shrug it off.

Have some neutral unbothered comments up your sleeve.

At the end of the day if you are with people you love, doing things you find interesting it doesn't matter if its in Pompeii or Butlins ( I think your hols sounded great btw)

So she's supposed to sit there and let the sister make negative comments about her, the OP's, holiday? Everyone has their limits when it comes to this kind of persistent criticism, personally I think the OP was right to respond in kind. If anyone calls me 'snobby' because I have the temerity not to have the same tastes my response would be 'Thank you, you're very kind', winds them up beautifully!

If your sister goes on holiday, spends all their time by the pool in the hotel, then that is the only type of holiday her children know. If she spent some of the time by the pool, but equally explored the area and went on excursions, then that's the type of holiday her children would know. Your sister spends her holiday by the pool, because that's what her and her husband want to do, and her children just follow.

Children don't have to spend every moment by the pool, just because they're children! There can be a mixture.

Your sister wouldn't like your style holiday, and uses her children as an excuse why they can't possibly venture outside of the hotel. She clearly thinks because she doesn't like your style holiday, it's 'boring', then no one else would either.

Nothing wrong in having the type of holiday she has, if that's what she wants. You don't want that type of holiday, your daughter isn't used to spending all day, every day around a pool, whilst on holiday, and yes, she'd probably find it boring!! My son would find sitting around a pool all day, every day, massively boring, because we, like you, prefer to mix the holiday up - pool time and sightseeing.

I think your sister was rude, you snapped back, and yes may be you shouldn't have said the Butlins remark but I don't think you are snobby. You both view holidays differently and that's perfectly OK.

I get what you're saying. I've been in similar circumstances myself.

I like classical music - well I like all sorts of music but classical is special. A couple of friends were talking about the great classical music concert they went to, such fun, I should come along next year. I found it hard to decline and tell them why beyond I didn't think I'd enjoy it. That's because it's a local orchestra (who are top notch) playing light classical or music from the movies or classical ABBA in a park. And because - it's expensive, it's hard to get to as there's no parking within a mile or two, there's no guarantee that it won't be raining and, to me, it's not really classical music. So I'd have to walk a couple of miles, carrying a folding chair, blanket, umbrella, fizz (it's part of the fun) to sit and listen to crap music.

It just isn't my thing. Does this make me a snob?

Sometimes there’s nothing wrong with being snobby.

This is such an English discussion.

Well, she tried to, but the sister kept on about it.

Your holiday sounds amazing OP. She went on an on about it till you snapped and I can't really blame you.

I think I'd be the bigger person and sort of apologise, 'Hi x, sorry if you thought I was being snobby, I just felt a little attacked on my choice of holiday. We obviously just enjoy different holidays and there's nothing wrong with that.'

All my kids love history and we ups love a visit to Pompeii and mt Vesuvius

They all sound like my family. Obsessed with not 'having ideas above your station' and what things are and are not for 'the likes of us'.
My holidays baffle some of my family who like Caribbean cruises and all-inclusives to the Canaries.
Fuck em, I say. Your trip sounds great.

Rubbish, if the sister can hand it out then she should be able to take it! Next time she will keep her mouth firmly shut if she doesn't want a response.

You were snobby. How old is your kid? Cobbled streets, churches and abandoned towns to anyone less than 16 is probably boring.

Neither of you have covered yourselves in glory here.

Different people like different types of holidays - that’s fine. Different people can afford different types of holidays - also fine.

She should not have gone on about your holiday being boring for DD, it’s none of her business. You should not have used Butlins as an insult. The rest of the family shouldn’t be getting in the middle of it.

You're just different to your family, OP, and that's always going to breed a bit of resentment. I would have snapped too in your situation.

I was that child as well. I didn't like the kids clubs. My parents were always doing something more appealing.

I've been to so many places and seen so much - all for free 😂

We never did the kids clubs and burgers holidays when growing up. We went to museums and down slate mines, sheep shows and up mountains, pyramids (I loved seeing the pyramids) and camel rides. We had a good time and some fantastic holidays.

I would have hated being stuck in a kids club eating burgers when there's so much else out there and local cuisine to try (maybe growing up abroad has something to do with it as well).

Oh how I laughed when I read your op.
Sisters and their toxic jealousy. I think she is jealous of you by the way, not the other way around.
I would decline to show her photos in future and make a lot more noise "oh that looks fantastic!" etc

think of her as a partial moron who only needs feeding positive things about herself

Mine is the same.

Buttons comment turned the heat up but the, “God these are boring. Were you not bored?” didn’t at all turn up any heat?

Op, your sister was massively rude. Good for you for shutting her down.

Perhaps for you and if you had read OP comments, her daughter enjoyed it especially seeing Mt.Vesuvius because the daughter is into volcanoes.

To quote your Mother," I'm not being funny, but it does seem boring".

Well Mother you are ignorant. she is taking sides, do not apologise for your holiday, your sister started this, got a taste of her own medicine, then bought everyone else into the argument. What you said in this situation was perfectly acceptable. Maybe your siser will keep her mouth shut next time and stop her silly inverted snobbery.

I do not think you are snobby at all. It seems it was fine for your sister to diss your holiday and say it looks boring for children based on your photos. But, when you voiced your opinion of her holiday looking like Butlins that was considered out of order and snobby. Sorry, the only people who sound jealous is your family. To me, her holiday sounds like something I would hate.Your child will grow up informed and cultured through your type of holiday. Hers will like Ibiza and Magaluf. Which is fine. None are wrong as people have different objectives and ideas of enjoyment.

When I was a kid I would have loved your holiday. I was so interested in Rome, history, Pompeii, the classical world even then. I would have loved every single minute of it. I wouldn't have been so keen on the swimming pool and kids' club holiday.

You've run into tall poppy syndrome.

Fwiw, you both enjoyed different holidays. You're both entitled to have your own taste in holidays.

Her comment was worse than yours though, imo. I hate self limiting narratives, and comments that seek to equate interest in anything different from their idea of fun with 'snobbery'.