I was snobby, apparently

[Rayners]

last year sister was showing me her holiday photos. She went to Spain and the photos were basically the kids in a holiday club, the kids eating burgers, the kids eating pizzas, the kids in a swimming pool, her DH with a pint, her and her DH doing karaoke in a bar etc etc … all of the photos were taken in the hotel complex with a couple of shots at the beach. I said they were nice photos and left it at that.
Later in the year we (me, DH and Dd) went to Italy. I uploaded a few photos on Facebook but not many. When we got back sister asked to see my photos - I said they’re on Facebook so she said “there’s hardly any on there and they’re the boring ones, I want to see them all” so I gave her my phone to scroll through them.

After a bit of scrolling she started saying stuff like “god these are boring! Were you not bored? Dd must have been bored?”

The photos in question were picturesque cobbled streets, mountains, churches, castles and abandoned towns. I said “DD loved it” so she chose one photo to show me which “proved” that DD was bored … a picture of DD sat staring ahead … at mt. Vesuvius. The reason she looked emotionless was because she was fascinated by it and often sits and stares at things … especially considering what she’d learnt that morning in Pompei!

Sister kept going on about what a boring holiday it must have been and how we should think about DD next time etc so I snapped and said “she enjoyed the holiday! I’m not been funny but your holiday photos might as well have been taken at Butlins”.

Now - this comment has come back on me ten fold - she told the entire (large) family what it id said and now I’m thought of as snobby and jealous as well as “trying to be something I’m not”. In a conversation this morning with my mum she brought it up again and asked why id said that - I told her (again!) what she’d said about my holiday photos to which she replied “well I’m not been funny but it did look a bit boring for a child”.

So was I out of order for what I said??? And AIBU to think our holiday wasn’t “totally unsuitable” for a child?

Those who live by the sword may die by it.

If she thinks it's acceptable to call her sister's holiday boring multiple times, she can expect to have her own holiday critiqued in a similar manner.

Sister was rude about OPs holiday!
Don't dish it out if you can't take it...

I think you were both being out of order about each other's holidays. Her for saying your holiday was boring, you for saying her holiday might as well been at butlins. You both obviously have different ideas about what makes a good holiday and thats ok. So yabu but you are both being unreasonable.

I only got to visit Pompeii in my late 60s, I would have been thrilled beyond measure to visit as a child. Enjoying history and culture is what you do, enjoying getting shitfaced and splashing in pools is what they do. She is the inverted snob.

I don’t think you sound snobby. She was dissing your hol so you just gave as good as she got.

This is interesting as one thing that's put me off Pompeii and vesuvius is i thought they'd be really busy with tourists. Were they not?

My kids love an all inclusive buffet but they hate kids clubs and will only watch entertainment from a distance. They love the pool but wouldn't want to be in all day. So a mix of all inclusive with some sightseeing suits us when we can afford it. We did Lanzarote last year and that was ideal - volcano in the morning and pool in the afternoon!

Your sort if holiday always seems more expensive when I try and price it up compared to an all inclusive package to a lower end hotel, once I've factored in all the extra food costs etc so i wouldn't be too sure yours was cheaper. But that's irrelevant. Your sister was rude and pretty ignorant, you were provoked into being rude and accidentally revealing your snobbery back. You just need to agree you like different holidays and stop comparing.

You both sound massively unreasonable. Both holidays sound good

Your whole description is a put-down of your sister so yes you were being a snob.

I don’t think you intended to sound snobby - but the truth came out when your stupid sister kept going on about how crap yours seemed to her!
If you’re a snob, then so is she - an inverted one!
I think you have a much better understanding of how to make the best of a foreign holiday. Your DD will have both enjoyed herself and learned from it - but your nieces and nephews will have basically been to a play scheme, which they could arguably have done without leaving the country.
I’m team you, OP!

This 😂

@Rayners Depends on age of child.

I can imagine a child under 8 might struggle with a holiday that involves seeing interesting stuff.

Perfectly suitable for a child aged 8 and above though.

You both sound up your arses tbh. We’ve had both types of holidays and enjoyed both for different reasons. Usually when we go abroad or even to Wales (which I fucking love, I’ve visited many places but Wales is my happy place), we do a lot of walking and it really takes it out of DC.

We’ve been to Pompeii which I loved but it was also 32 degrees and we did feel like we were dying. We’ve also been on an all inclusive in the Canaries like your sister which was great. Barely walked at all, actually felt well rested, kids had a whale of a time. It was tacky as anything but it was fun. You can do both and not be up your own backside about it.

I like both types of holiday. With the kids ‘hot Butlins’ suits them better, if it’s just me and DH then something a bit more like yours.

Yes it is very busy, especially at the height of summer and also really very, very hot. I always tell people to visit Herculaneum whilst there too, it’s way less busy but equally interesting.

There used to be a (low-brow) tv show with the premise that two families would go on holiday with each other to their preferred places. Then they’d be in a bad mood when they shockingly didn’t like the other family’s holiday.

Sister kept going on about what a boring holiday it must have been and how we should think about DD next time etc so I snapped and said “she enjoyed the holiday! I’m not been funny but your holiday photos might as well have been taken at Butlins”.
Now - this comment has come back on me ten fold - she told the entire (large) family what it id said and now I’m thought of as snobby and jealous as well as “trying to be something I’m not”. In a conversation this morning with my mum she brought it up again and asked why id said that - I told her (again!) what she’d said about my holiday photos to which she replied “well I’m not been funny but it did look a bit boring for a child”.

My dd has always enjoyed a museum and a
bucket and spade, and she’s lucky enough to have had both types of experience. She hasn’t been to an all-in karaoke type holiday because neither I nor her father would enjoy them and so neither of us has taken her!

I don’t think it’s snobby to have a cultural holiday, and actually I think the sister here was being really rude and goady as if she needed to have it said that her holiday was fine- like OP’s holiday made her doubt her own choices, so she made that OP’s problem. I also wouldn’t want to visit any country and come away knowing no more about it than I’d known when I went. I think that’s quite arrogant in itself, to be honest- a sort of ‘my culture & country is so amazing that I don’t need to find out or experience anything else, and it’s good to import my own culture to another country because I’m paying to be there’ attitude which I find quite off putting (I would say ‘distasteful’, but I might get accused of being snobby 🙃)

She was rude first. Got what she deserved.

Completely agree….she was goading you and replied in kind…..hey ho ….dont throw what you can’t catch OP,s sister….x

You didn't have to be as rude as you were. She might have been rude but there was no need to reciprocate.

Your holiday sounds far more interesting to me - and it sounds like it really suited your DD. I wouldn't bother showing your sister photos in future or talking about your holidays. It's not a competition and everybody has different ideas of what they like to do when they're away.

I think you do sound a bit snobby but your sister was also unreasonable.
We have had many different types of holiday with our DDs, they would enjoy Italy sightseeing and an AI Spain resort type, just different types
of holiday suit different people, none are better or worse.

I'd like both types of holiday but I'm not fussy. I don't think you were being snobby. I think she was being very rude about your holiday so you retaliated.

But OP didn't actually say that out loud. unlike her sister who said lots of judgmental things out loud and to her sister.

I think lot of people on this thread think being a snob is ok as long as you are a reverse snob.

YANBU

You didnt make any comment about her holiday until after she kept going on and on about how boring yours looked, and didnt let up. So you snapped back. She was just as snobby about your holiday as you were about hers!

She shouldnt give it out if she cant take it back.

Of course she thinks her holiday was better than theirs, that’s why she chose it.

The mistake was to rise to the rage bait instead of grey-rocking the insufferably judgemental sister.