Tiny bit of me wants to point out Karma (disability related)

[Blueeyedstork]

In a nutshell my friends DH has always been very vocal about disabled people being a drain on society and that it should not matter how disabled someone is they should either work or go in a home. Benefits should not be allowed.

this conversation was had years ago and I ended up leaving the house as I myself am disabled and I work for a disability charity and part of that is help people filling in forms. He said that I was contributing to the problem!! He also said he ever found himself with a disability he would work.

anyway after a lot of bad blood we now tolerate each other for friends sake and the topic was never brought up.

3 months ago he had an car crash (not his fault) and he now facing life in a wheelchair. Suddenly he is wanting me to help with advice, benefits etc as it will take ages to get to a point where he can do some kind of work. he seems to have forgotten all he said before.

now I will help him for my friends sake and I won’t point out the irony of him being so against disabled people and now he is one himself. But a bit of me is temped.

it just goes to show it can really happen to anyone at any age at any time. I developed epilepsy at 23 and narcepsy at 27. My cousin was diagnosed with MS at 40. I also know many people through work who were not born with a disability but in later life due to accident or illness. Many of those have admitted they thought it would never happened to them and a few have even said they looked down on people with a disability.

I decided to write this thread now as a lady had put on another thread that vulnerable people should be at the bottom of the list when it comes to services and budgets. I am guessing she would change her tune very quickly if she found herself of someone she loves on the other side.

it can happened to anyone, any time, any age, any where. I think people forgot this.

Yeah that's the thing. People can be so unsympathetic about the pain and suffering of others. Almost like they can try and pretend it doesn't exist, or that many people who are having terrible illnesses or disabilities are making the whole thing up...

It's sad that people lack so much empathy until something directly impacts their own life.

Karma sure came for him.

He’s learned a very hard lesson. No need for you to mention it to him

This post feels in bad taste.

I agree OP. Statistically we’re more likely to develop a disability during our lifetime than be born with one. So yeah, none of us know what’s around the corner. Good on you for being the bigger person and helping your friend’s husband too.

That’s not what karma is. And given your job and disabilities I find your glee at his horrendous experience pretty revolting.

I absolutely would mention it to him, and reiterate how hurtful it was when he said that to you. You can still help him, and offer support to your friend, but that doesn't mean you can't bring up how awful he was when your situation didn't affect him.

Oop. 🤭

I hoped the lady in the other thread was being flippant

I think that when it is less raw you can certainly reassure him that his disability does not make him a drain and that this is why the benefits system exists

you don’t need to explicitly remind him what he used to say… though I’d be tempted

I dont think its necessarily in bad taste. It's a result of years of frustration and constant insults.

It's constantly spewed on here that we disabled are a drain on society and liars.

Unfortunately that sometimes bleeds into real life and its really hard to deal with.

I had similar at a dinner party with "best friends" about 10 years ago. They were so smug that they were paying for me to exist and I shouldn't be spending their money on anything they deemed unsuitable. (I think i had on a new top and conversion became how did I justify spending benefits on clothes...my Husband works so???) I left and have never spoken to them again.

Thats just one example, but the one that cut deepest.

Ive seen it over and over that noone should claim anything, until its their turn and then "well I've earned it"

I don’t see the Op being gleeful here at all. Nor is it in bad taste.

Op you are right to help him and to be compassionate to his situation, as you probably are to your clients.

But you are a better person than me. Because although I would also help him, I’d be making him work for it a bit more. Questioning why it’s needed, when he’s never believed in it. Isn’t he just going to go straight back to work? Make him eat his former words!

But that’s on me and I accept my character flaws!

I like to remind people who are down on disabled 'scroungers' that they will be disabled one day too, if they are lucky enough to live long enough. In old age we accrue disabilities like reduced mobility, hearing, sight. We tend to write those off as just being part of being older, but they are disabilities, and most of us will experience them.

In this case OP its not worth raising it. He was an idiot but he's going through a huge life change and all of us deserve some patience and sympathy during moments like that.

The word karma literally means action or deed.

It doesn't mean divine retribution or what goes around comes around.So i'm not sure what you mean.

What does action or deed have to do with this?Because that's all karma means.

I don't think you need to remind him of his old views. He knows what they were, and he knows the irony. He also knows that you know...

Agreed

Well I assumed she was being facetious and was referring to the men in frocks aggressively trying to erode women's rights and who of course are absolutely not the "most vulnerable" in society. That is children and the disabled.

It means action or deed plus consequences. So the deed in this case is saying that disabled people are a drain.

I wouldn’t be helping him. He should ask someone who he hasn’t spewed his vile opinions to. Sorry I’m not a Pollyanna.

Honestly, I'd want a frank apology from him before I lifted a finger to help him directly. Make him acknowledge what a prick he was and admit it.

You are probably not the only person who can assist him. He could ask someone else but he came to you despite his behaviour towards you personally? Then he needs to own his previous behaviour and take accountability for it.

It doesn't mean divine forgiveness for past behaviour and actions though. He's still the same person he was before.

This - me too.

I don't think I would remind him as such.
However, when he is more able I would be pushing him to help others in similar circumstances.

It's amazingly common for people to think certain things won't happen to them. Because they're special, and immune. What it is about their specialness that qualifies them to pontificate about others, I haven't quite fathomed.
It's understandable that you have a certain feeling of, not quite Schadenfreude, but of nodding to yourself and thinking, well, now you're learning something, pal. It's not the most saintly response, but you're not required to be a saint.

Is he expecting you to help him jump queues and full in forms for him? Because his wife is your friend ?

You could say "Oh , Barry I'd love to help you but you need to go through the Charity referall just to make sure the right person helps you with the right advice "

So not a "Yeah , Hell will freeze over before I lift a finger to help you matey" more of a "Yeah I'm not going to put myself out to help you "