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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Tiny bit of me wants to point out Karma (disability related)

134 replies

Blueeyedstork · 07/02/2026 14:15

In a nutshell my friends DH has always been very vocal about disabled people being a drain on society and that it should not matter how disabled someone is they should either work or go in a home. Benefits should not be allowed.

this conversation was had years ago and I ended up leaving the house as I myself am disabled and I work for a disability charity and part of that is help people filling in forms. He said that I was contributing to the problem!! He also said he ever found himself with a disability he would work.

anyway after a lot of bad blood we now tolerate each other for friends sake and the topic was never brought up.

3 months ago he had an car crash (not his fault) and he now facing life in a wheelchair. Suddenly he is wanting me to help with advice, benefits etc as it will take ages to get to a point where he can do some kind of work. he seems to have forgotten all he said before.

now I will help him for my friends sake and I won’t point out the irony of him being so against disabled people and now he is one himself. But a bit of me is temped.

it just goes to show it can really happen to anyone at any age at any time. I developed epilepsy at 23 and narcepsy at 27. My cousin was diagnosed with MS at 40. I also know many people through work who were not born with a disability but in later life due to accident or illness. Many of those have admitted they thought it would never happened to them and a few have even said they looked down on people with a disability.

I decided to write this thread now as a lady had put on another thread that vulnerable people should be at the bottom of the list when it comes to services and budgets. I am guessing she would change her tune very quickly if she found herself of someone she loves on the other side.

it can happened to anyone, any time, any age, any where. I think people forgot this.

OP posts:
LadyKenya · 07/02/2026 19:48

latetothefisting · 07/02/2026 19:43

...yeah, OP literally said exactly that herself?

Although tbf I don't see why people are so insistent on being kind to this tosspot, given he was happy to insult disabled people before it happened to him. It's not as though he just had an opinion, he was so rude to OP she had to leave the house. I'm not saying I'd be telling him told you so, but I wouldn't be helping him out either - OP is going above and beyond so not sure why people are criticising her!

Maybe you missed the title of the thread, where the OP mentions a bit of her wants to point out Karma. That implies that he is somehow deserving of what has befallen him. As I pointed out in my earlier post, there are people who believe that all disabled people must have done something wrong, or were being punished for something that they did in a past life. That would include the OP, ironically. Does she think that karma applies to herself in that regard, I wonder🤔.

BrightLightTonight · 07/02/2026 20:00

BrightLightTonight · 07/02/2026 15:17

This post is such bad taste. It almost feels like you think he has got what he deserves.

So all of you who think the OP is OK in being judgemental, if something bad happens to anyone of you, you will go “OK - this is fine, because I once thought or said anything bad of someone else”

Yes, the friend had a bad attitude, but does he really deserve having an accident and being disabled himself - I think not. And all of you who are “celebrating” his downfall - shame on you

mumofoneAloneandwell · 07/02/2026 20:24

‘You are not disabled yet’

yanbu

dreichluver · 07/02/2026 21:04

LadyKenya · 07/02/2026 17:50

Some disabled people feel that way, not all. The same way that some people would say this is karma about this Man, not all people.

I personally would not wish ill on anyone.

I truly believe that over time, whatever you put out into the world you get back. Surely it's preferable to adopt a mantra of 'there but for fortune go I'. Pissing karma off is a risky business. It can be very unforgiving.

WiddlinDiddlin · 07/02/2026 21:18

The idea that someone privately thinking 'karmas bitten you on the arse hasn't it' in this context, automatically means EVERY disabled person is so as a sort of divine retribution for earlier wrongs... is bizarre and frankly, wildly immature.

I once saw an absolute dickhead driver do several crazy dangerous overtakes, thought 'what a prick he's gonna cause an accident and I bet its not him that gets hurt'..

Three corners later, theres his car upside down in a ditch.

Sure, I definitely felt like he'd got what he deserved there (he was standing beside it on the phone and another vehicle had stopped and were helping).

It does not then automatically follow that I believe everyone who has a car accident deserves to have done so, nor that I would hope anyone would actually get hurt.

Ihad2Strokes · 08/02/2026 03:51

5128gap · 07/02/2026 18:35

I agree entirely he's awful, that he doesn't deserve her help, and that she's fully entitled not to feel sorry for him.
Its only the 'karma' bit I don't like. I never like the idea of it, because it suggests bad things happen to bad people, which they obviously don't.

Yeah, I think we're saying the same thing & I aspect she probably thinks the same to, just a bit badly worded msybe

Theunamedcat · 08/02/2026 09:15

WiddlinDiddlin · 07/02/2026 21:18

The idea that someone privately thinking 'karmas bitten you on the arse hasn't it' in this context, automatically means EVERY disabled person is so as a sort of divine retribution for earlier wrongs... is bizarre and frankly, wildly immature.

I once saw an absolute dickhead driver do several crazy dangerous overtakes, thought 'what a prick he's gonna cause an accident and I bet its not him that gets hurt'..

Three corners later, theres his car upside down in a ditch.

Sure, I definitely felt like he'd got what he deserved there (he was standing beside it on the phone and another vehicle had stopped and were helping).

It does not then automatically follow that I believe everyone who has a car accident deserves to have done so, nor that I would hope anyone would actually get hurt.

Funny enough I saw a similar thing it suddenly hammered it down with rain my meriva had shit windscreen wipers (they were the best wipers but so slow) so I slowed down he was unhappy with this and overtook me ended up in a ditch upright and everyone looked fine the murderous look he gave me as I drive past meant I was not stopping to offer help and I tootled on my way the shower was five minutes long it was one of those Welsh bursts you get on the mountains from time to time there was no need for him to act like he did

SamphiretheTervosaur · 08/02/2026 09:38

FruitSaladYummyYummyFruitSaladYummyYummy · 07/02/2026 14:29

I absolutely would mention it to him, and reiterate how hurtful it was when he said that to you. You can still help him, and offer support to your friend, but that doesn't mean you can't bring up how awful he was when your situation didn't affect him.

Deleted, wrong post quoted and I cant work out how to change it

latetothefisting · 08/02/2026 21:21

LadyKenya · 07/02/2026 19:48

Maybe you missed the title of the thread, where the OP mentions a bit of her wants to point out Karma. That implies that he is somehow deserving of what has befallen him. As I pointed out in my earlier post, there are people who believe that all disabled people must have done something wrong, or were being punished for something that they did in a past life. That would include the OP, ironically. Does she think that karma applies to herself in that regard, I wonder🤔.

I didn't miss anything...maybe instead of scrabbling about trying to make up what might be "implied" just respond to what OP actually said, which was, in black and white, she has no intention of saying anything. So doesn't need to be told not to do something she wasn't going to anyway.

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