Tiny bit of me wants to point out Karma (disability related)

[Blueeyedstork]

In a nutshell my friends DH has always been very vocal about disabled people being a drain on society and that it should not matter how disabled someone is they should either work or go in a home. Benefits should not be allowed.

this conversation was had years ago and I ended up leaving the house as I myself am disabled and I work for a disability charity and part of that is help people filling in forms. He said that I was contributing to the problem!! He also said he ever found himself with a disability he would work.

anyway after a lot of bad blood we now tolerate each other for friends sake and the topic was never brought up.

3 months ago he had an car crash (not his fault) and he now facing life in a wheelchair. Suddenly he is wanting me to help with advice, benefits etc as it will take ages to get to a point where he can do some kind of work. he seems to have forgotten all he said before.

now I will help him for my friends sake and I won’t point out the irony of him being so against disabled people and now he is one himself. But a bit of me is temped.

it just goes to show it can really happen to anyone at any age at any time. I developed epilepsy at 23 and narcepsy at 27. My cousin was diagnosed with MS at 40. I also know many people through work who were not born with a disability but in later life due to accident or illness. Many of those have admitted they thought it would never happened to them and a few have even said they looked down on people with a disability.

I decided to write this thread now as a lady had put on another thread that vulnerable people should be at the bottom of the list when it comes to services and budgets. I am guessing she would change her tune very quickly if she found herself of someone she loves on the other side.

it can happened to anyone, any time, any age, any where. I think people forgot this.

This.
It's not saying that you're glad it's happened to him, or that he deserves to be disabled but you could point out that he is glad to have the benefit of your experience now that he has thad he misfortune of being left unable to work and what a good job there is fibancial support available even if it involves filling in complicated forms.

Why? Are disabled people only allowed to be soft, fluffy and docile helpers at best?

Is the idea that a disabled person who has already experienced multiple people - including this one personally - telling them that they have no worth, no value, entitlement to support, adjustments or accommodations to work and should be locked up away from society for being useless eaters with no help from anybody might actually be a normal, rounded human who thinks 'Well, that viewpoint hasn't exactly worked for you, has it?' before actually using their expertise to help the same person who objected to the entire notion of helping disabled people so contrary to the noble, saintly little creatures to be patted on the head?

Aww, OP, you've been thoroughly disapproved of when you should #bekind. You know, be a good little disabled person and fit right into the fluffy stereotype of the inspirational not quite adequate, child like souls who try really hard to be as good as the rest of the population taxpayers.

I'd signpost him to the relevant charities and leave him to it. He's going to need to develop some resilience in dealing with people who will look at him and think he should be in a home somewhere or assume that he's unemployable with or without the 30 week wait for Access to Work. Oh, and he'll need to learn to not be so assertive. Some people don't like the disabled to sound a trifle snarky, it smacks of them getting ideas above their station, after all.

Op hasn't said she's pleased just that now he may understand how awful his views were.
There's plenty of rhetoric at the moment about disabled people being able to work which is clearly bollocks. This person has now found out that's not true.

I don't think the post is in bad taste at all. Self-serving people stay self-serving. I wonder if he regrets his previous attitude or if he thinks he's some kind of special case.

You THINK he knows
people like him have very little insight when it comes to their own lives.
he’s entitled and arrogant

It's called Fuck Around Find Out - lots of people think they're just too clever and hardworking to ever be genuinely fucked by things beyond their control. Sometimes - as in this case - they learn the hard way.

Not in bad taste and if he is expecting your help as a friend vs professionally, I think I'd be unable to resist being a bit of a bitch.

'Oh, I thought you didn't believe in benefits. I believe you said disabled people should either work or be in a home... '

I don't believe people have any right to expect freedom from the consequences of voicing their awful opinions and ignorant ideas.

He upset you and was vile - now he expects help, I don't think it would kill him to have to deal with the consequences of his prior behaviour, ie, apologise and admit he was a clueless and unpleasant bellend!

Best not to say anything, but I would hope he has enough self-reflection abilities to refer to it himself at some point.

I think this would be fair enough.

I get the mixed emotions of not being pleased that he has had such a devastating thing happen, but also a 'well, do you get it now?'.

I have a child with autism and sensory issues around food. DH has a 'best friend' who frankly i find insufferable. He's free with ill-informed advice and lacking in self awareness. When Ds1 was 7 this friend literally sneered at us when we were all out for dinner and DS only had fries and some crudites that i had brought for him and asked the venue if i minded me giving him at the table. His child was at that time not yet weaned and the friend opined long and loud and berated us for pandering and said that he and his wife were 'take no shit parents' and we were hopeless.

7 years later we were out at a pizza place and their child (newly diagnosed with autism and with issues around food) would not eat his pizza. They were in despair. I knew what they were going through. I felt sympathy. But i also recalled very well how fucking dismissive and offensive he had been. I confess that i kept the 'not so easy now, is it?' thought only to myself and never expressed it- not even to DH.

I agree.

And if this man’s disability is a moral
outcome, how do you explain your own, OP? Is that karma too? What about all the perfectly decent people who suffer with disabilities, is that the result of a karmic verdict?

Very distasteful, very unpleasant.

Some people also have an approach to life that they and their families don’t count in their pronouncements. It’s “different for them”.

I don't blame you for feeling that way at all, though I wouldn't ever say it to him. I imagine he's probably been through enough coming to terms with it himself.

I just think it's sad that he had to go through it himself to even begin to understand. That's the case with a lot of people, I think.

This post is not in bad taste, it is an example of how people often talk shit about others when they don’t have the full facts, it is a reminder that we should never judge someone until we have walked a mile in their shoes.

as much as I would love to say “are you sure you want me to help with these forms, I thought that was adding to the problem” I would try and be the bigger person, keep my self respect, say nothing and help them, probably having an inward gloat about how much of an arse they were.

I have a disabled child speech delay education delay autistic etc didn't sleep for years my friend told me I should just be firmer with him tell him to eat the food force him to walk without holding my hand read to him MAKE HIM READ on and on like a perfect parent...then she had another child who wont sleep and might be autistic suddenly she is a disability advocate lots of #autism #special little one etc

I said nothing

Yep. I feel the same. No doubt the irony won’t be lost on him but there really is no need to point it out. Life has delivered a very harsh lesson on what understanding other peoples’ difficulties is all about, because now he needs someone to understand his. I understand how OP feels but the bigger thing is to rise above it and offer her help.

It just shows you never know the moment, I developed epilepsy in my late teens but not diagnosed until my 20s. I have always worked and always paid into the system but the one thing I an entitled to is free prescriptions. I always feel like I am being judged when I show my medical exemption certificate when collecting my meds especially if there are other people in the queue. I always say though I would swap my medical condition for their good health and would happily pay for the occasional prescription any day

So called Karma is crap. Some prople end up disabled, some don’t. If you love him, look after him. Disability isn't a spoilt scoring exercise.

And, yes, I’m disabled, as was my late DH. 😉

Fuck that no way would I help him. He will just have to get to the back of the queue with the rest of them. As you know him personally I don’t think it’s right you help him anyway.

And trust me that entitlement and arrogance won’t last very long if he’s facing life in a wheelchair. There comes a time when every disabled person is reliant on the kindness and understanding of other people to some extent, and in my experience people are kind and understanding. He’s learning the lesson a very hard way, but he’ll have no choice but to learn it.

The rest of who ?

Many disabled people can and do work. Many that cant probably wish they could.
After the way this so called friend treated you I would be telling him to naff off and find advice elsewhere. Has he not heard of Google?

Nice. Really great thing to say about someone who has actually lost the use of their legs and is actually confined to a wheel chair.

when will your karma arrive.....

Oh really?

That's exactly how disabled people feel when they read posts on SM suggesting they're an undeserving drain on the system. Or work shy.

And every time I read that detritus I think...karma. Some people truly believe they'll always live charmed lives.

Until they don't.

Exactly

He'll probably get enough compensation and won't need benefits.