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Original poster

Tiny bit of me wants to point out Karma (disability related)

134 replies

Blueeyedstork · 07/02/2026 14:15

In a nutshell my friends DH has always been very vocal about disabled people being a drain on society and that it should not matter how disabled someone is they should either work or go in a home. Benefits should not be allowed.

this conversation was had years ago and I ended up leaving the house as I myself am disabled and I work for a disability charity and part of that is help people filling in forms. He said that I was contributing to the problem!! He also said he ever found himself with a disability he would work.

anyway after a lot of bad blood we now tolerate each other for friends sake and the topic was never brought up.

3 months ago he had an car crash (not his fault) and he now facing life in a wheelchair. Suddenly he is wanting me to help with advice, benefits etc as it will take ages to get to a point where he can do some kind of work. he seems to have forgotten all he said before.

now I will help him for my friends sake and I won’t point out the irony of him being so against disabled people and now he is one himself. But a bit of me is temped.

it just goes to show it can really happen to anyone at any age at any time. I developed epilepsy at 23 and narcepsy at 27. My cousin was diagnosed with MS at 40. I also know many people through work who were not born with a disability but in later life due to accident or illness. Many of those have admitted they thought it would never happened to them and a few have even said they looked down on people with a disability.

I decided to write this thread now as a lady had put on another thread that vulnerable people should be at the bottom of the list when it comes to services and budgets. I am guessing she would change her tune very quickly if she found herself of someone she loves on the other side.

it can happened to anyone, any time, any age, any where. I think people forgot this.

OP posts:
5128gap · 07/02/2026 17:28

If you don't want to help him because he is a horrible person, that's understandable.
But I'm not loving the idea that disability is some sort of cosmic comeuppance for being a horrible person. Following that through to its logical conclusion isn't great for disabled people, is it?

Ihad2Strokes · 07/02/2026 17:30

Zov · 07/02/2026 16:51

I agree. The OP is dressing it up as 'well now he knows what it's like!' but her posts have a whiff of schadenfreude. She has even said 'oh the irony!' And it feels a bit like 'KARMA gotcha!' I'm surprised so many posters are saying 'YANBU.' Not a nice thread at all.

Show quote history

...and?

why are you defending the nasty bastard?

DaffodilValley · 07/02/2026 17:36

BrightLightTonight · 07/02/2026 15:17

This post is such bad taste. It almost feels like you think he has got what he deserves.

But he absolutely has, I can’t see how it’s in any sort of bad taste.

In the classic children’s story “The Waterbabies” the main character meets Mrs Bedonebyasyoudid, who taught him that if you treat others with contempt you will reap what you sow. All the OP is feeling is the entirely justified acknowledgement that this person has learned his lesson in the most complete and effective way possible.

Ihad2Strokes · 07/02/2026 17:36

lazyarse123 · 07/02/2026 15:11

Why?
All we're hearing lately is how benefits should be cut. This is just the other side of that.
No one knows what may happen and what they might need in future.
.

Show quote history

Exactly

Bikergran · 07/02/2026 17:41

My cousin was a Navy pilot, super fit, young, handsome, everything looking good. Passenger in a car crash. Paralysed from the chest down. He made a good life for himself, but it really can happen in an instant.

Ihad2Strokes · 07/02/2026 17:42

EleanorPeck · 07/02/2026 16:08

I'm disabled and I totally get how you feel, OP. He had horribly ableist attitudes and now he's become disabled himself. I dont think you're being gleeful at all - I'm sure you wouldn't wish the accident on him, just that you hope he realises in time that anyone can become disabled and society should help those who need it. I wouldn't say anything to him directly though, especially as it's not been long since the trauma of his accident. But totally normal and human of you to feel the way you do. Perhaps in time he'll reflect and apologise to you for his past views. In the meantime, I'd offer to help with the forms or suggest he refers to the charity you work for so it's done officially.

I wouldn't be holding my breath!

the bastards rarely see their hypocrisy

Ihad2Strokes · 07/02/2026 17:44

fromthegecko · 07/02/2026 16:10

He won't have learnt anything, or changed his mind. He will convince himself that he deserves all the help, because of everything he has contributed to the system. It's only the other, non-special, people that don't deserve help.

People don't change.

Exactly this!

I wonder how many people saying nasty/negative things about the OP are disabled themselves

5128gap · 07/02/2026 17:45

Ihad2Strokes · 07/02/2026 17:30

...and?

why are you defending the nasty bastard?

Show quote history

Its not about defending him. He's indefensible. It's seeing disability as a punishment that's in poor taste. No one 'deserves' disability and no one becomes disabled because they deserve it. There is no link whatsoever with having a horrible personality and becoming disabled and the thread is making that link.

Ihad2Strokes · 07/02/2026 17:48

NeverDropYourMooncup · 07/02/2026 16:20

Why? Are disabled people only allowed to be soft, fluffy and docile helpers at best?

Is the idea that a disabled person who has already experienced multiple people - including this one personally - telling them that they have no worth, no value, entitlement to support, adjustments or accommodations to work and should be locked up away from society for being useless eaters with no help from anybody might actually be a normal, rounded human who thinks 'Well, that viewpoint hasn't exactly worked for you, has it?' before actually using their expertise to help the same person who objected to the entire notion of helping disabled people so contrary to the noble, saintly little creatures to be patted on the head?

Aww, OP, you've been thoroughly disapproved of when you should #bekind. You know, be a good little disabled person and fit right into the fluffy stereotype of the inspirational not quite adequate, child like souls who try really hard to be as good as the rest of the population taxpayers.

I'd signpost him to the relevant charities and leave him to it. He's going to need to develop some resilience in dealing with people who will look at him and think he should be in a home somewhere or assume that he's unemployable with or without the 30 week wait for Access to Work. Oh, and he'll need to learn to not be so assertive. Some people don't like the disabled to sound a trifle snarky, it smacks of them getting ideas above their station, after all.

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👏🏻

this about sums it up!!

nut no 'the poor menz' are out in force.

Ihad2Strokes · 07/02/2026 17:50

lazyarse123 · 07/02/2026 16:20

Op hasn't said she's pleased just that now he may understand how awful his views were.
There's plenty of rhetoric at the moment about disabled people being able to work which is clearly bollocks. This person has now found out that's not true.

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This too !

I don't know why some people can't see that, just 'poor menz' I suppose.

LadyKenya · 07/02/2026 17:50

dreichluver · 07/02/2026 16:45

Oh really?

That's exactly how disabled people feel when they read posts on SM suggesting they're an undeserving drain on the system. Or work shy.

And every time I read that detritus I think...karma. Some people truly believe they'll always live charmed lives.

Until they don't.

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Some disabled people feel that way, not all. The same way that some people would say this is karma about this Man, not all people.

LadyKenya · 07/02/2026 17:55

5128gap · 07/02/2026 17:28

If you don't want to help him because he is a horrible person, that's understandable.
But I'm not loving the idea that disability is some sort of cosmic comeuppance for being a horrible person. Following that through to its logical conclusion isn't great for disabled people, is it?

I said as much in an earlier post. If posters are thinking that way, it says a lot about the general view regarding disability, and some of the rather distasteful attitudes being displayed at present.

Ihad2Strokes · 07/02/2026 17:55

plsdontlookatme · 07/02/2026 16:21

It's called Fuck Around Find Out - lots of people think they're just too clever and hardworking to ever be genuinely fucked by things beyond their control. Sometimes - as in this case - they learn the hard way.

👍🏻 can't disagree with that!

Ihad2Strokes · 07/02/2026 17:59

plsdontlookatme · 07/02/2026 16:20

I don't think the post is in bad taste at all. Self-serving people stay self-serving. I wonder if he regrets his previous attitude or if he thinks he's some kind of special case.

I'd put good money on him thinking 'I meant useless disabled people' not people 'like me' who were damaged by someone else in an accident'

Ihad2Strokes · 07/02/2026 18:00

WiddlinDiddlin · 07/02/2026 16:22

Not in bad taste and if he is expecting your help as a friend vs professionally, I think I'd be unable to resist being a bit of a bitch.

'Oh, I thought you didn't believe in benefits. I believe you said disabled people should either work or be in a home... '

I don't believe people have any right to expect freedom from the consequences of voicing their awful opinions and ignorant ideas.

He upset you and was vile - now he expects help, I don't think it would kill him to have to deal with the consequences of his prior behaviour, ie, apologise and admit he was a clueless and unpleasant bellend!

I agree Widdlin

Ihad2Strokes · 07/02/2026 18:02

InterestedDad37 · 07/02/2026 16:22

Best not to say anything, but I would hope he has enough self-reflection abilities to refer to it himself at some point.

Doubt it, these bastards rarely self reflect on their awful attitudes & just think they're 'different' to those people.

Ihad2Strokes · 07/02/2026 18:05

27TimesAway · 07/02/2026 16:24

I think this would be fair enough.

I get the mixed emotions of not being pleased that he has had such a devastating thing happen, but also a 'well, do you get it now?'.

I have a child with autism and sensory issues around food. DH has a 'best friend' who frankly i find insufferable. He's free with ill-informed advice and lacking in self awareness. When Ds1 was 7 this friend literally sneered at us when we were all out for dinner and DS only had fries and some crudites that i had brought for him and asked the venue if i minded me giving him at the table. His child was at that time not yet weaned and the friend opined long and loud and berated us for pandering and said that he and his wife were 'take no shit parents' and we were hopeless.

7 years later we were out at a pizza place and their child (newly diagnosed with autism and with issues around food) would not eat his pizza. They were in despair. I knew what they were going through. I felt sympathy. But i also recalled very well how fucking dismissive and offensive he had been. I confess that i kept the 'not so easy now, is it?' thought only to myself and never expressed it- not even to DH.

Show quote history

You're a saint

such self control.

Genuinely x

Ihad2Strokes · 07/02/2026 18:06

explanationplease · 07/02/2026 16:24

Some people also have an approach to life that they and their families don’t count in their pronouncements. It’s “different for them”.

Exactly!!

Ihad2Strokes · 07/02/2026 18:09

Anyahyacinth · 07/02/2026 17:02

Unlike those that glory in the idea of removing support from the disabled.

Then someone speaks about being disabled on those threads and people say "not you of course, you'll be ok" ...Knowing full well it will affect every disabled person.

Frightening a whole group of vulnerable people is ok? Commenting on how oblivious one able bodied person was is NOT ok?? 🤔

Show quote history

Yeah beggars belief doesn't it.

Ihad2Strokes · 07/02/2026 18:25

5128gap · 07/02/2026 17:45

Its not about defending him. He's indefensible. It's seeing disability as a punishment that's in poor taste. No one 'deserves' disability and no one becomes disabled because they deserve it. There is no link whatsoever with having a horrible personality and becoming disabled and the thread is making that link.

Show quote history

I agree with you on most threads (under various names) but not on this.

As a disabled person myself, I don't take offence at what the OP has said. She's not saying ALL disabled people deserve it (she herself is disabled & Supports disabled people)

shes merely wanting to remind him of what a cunt he was!

yes she mentions karma, but u see that as shorthand for 'Iniw ge can see how revolting hus attitude us & don't want ti help him'

5128gap · 07/02/2026 18:35

Ihad2Strokes · 07/02/2026 18:25

I agree with you on most threads (under various names) but not on this.

As a disabled person myself, I don't take offence at what the OP has said. She's not saying ALL disabled people deserve it (she herself is disabled & Supports disabled people)

shes merely wanting to remind him of what a cunt he was!

yes she mentions karma, but u see that as shorthand for 'Iniw ge can see how revolting hus attitude us & don't want ti help him'

Show quote history

I agree entirely he's awful, that he doesn't deserve her help, and that she's fully entitled not to feel sorry for him.
Its only the 'karma' bit I don't like. I never like the idea of it, because it suggests bad things happen to bad people, which they obviously don't.

Violetblue1 · 07/02/2026 19:31

I wouldn't be helping him OP! Tell him you don't want to be 'part of the problem' by helping him claim benefits, and you're sure he'll be going right back to work anyway and won't need any help.

InterIgnis · 07/02/2026 19:37

Blueeyedstork · 07/02/2026 14:15

In a nutshell my friends DH has always been very vocal about disabled people being a drain on society and that it should not matter how disabled someone is they should either work or go in a home. Benefits should not be allowed.

this conversation was had years ago and I ended up leaving the house as I myself am disabled and I work for a disability charity and part of that is help people filling in forms. He said that I was contributing to the problem!! He also said he ever found himself with a disability he would work.

anyway after a lot of bad blood we now tolerate each other for friends sake and the topic was never brought up.

3 months ago he had an car crash (not his fault) and he now facing life in a wheelchair. Suddenly he is wanting me to help with advice, benefits etc as it will take ages to get to a point where he can do some kind of work. he seems to have forgotten all he said before.

now I will help him for my friends sake and I won’t point out the irony of him being so against disabled people and now he is one himself. But a bit of me is temped.

it just goes to show it can really happen to anyone at any age at any time. I developed epilepsy at 23 and narcepsy at 27. My cousin was diagnosed with MS at 40. I also know many people through work who were not born with a disability but in later life due to accident or illness. Many of those have admitted they thought it would never happened to them and a few have even said they looked down on people with a disability.

I decided to write this thread now as a lady had put on another thread that vulnerable people should be at the bottom of the list when it comes to services and budgets. I am guessing she would change her tune very quickly if she found herself of someone she loves on the other side.

it can happened to anyone, any time, any age, any where. I think people forgot this.

So what was your disability, and the disabilities of your clients, punishment for?

latetothefisting · 07/02/2026 19:43

Pinkissmart · 07/02/2026 14:26

He’s learned a very hard lesson. No need for you to mention it to him

...yeah, OP literally said exactly that herself?

Although tbf I don't see why people are so insistent on being kind to this tosspot, given he was happy to insult disabled people before it happened to him. It's not as though he just had an opinion, he was so rude to OP she had to leave the house. I'm not saying I'd be telling him told you so, but I wouldn't be helping him out either - OP is going above and beyond so not sure why people are criticising her!

jdb9803 · 07/02/2026 19:45

I'm amazed how many people think OP is in the wrong - this guy told her, to her face, she was a drain on society. I would signpost him to an organisation that could help but I wouldn't help him myself and I would tell him exactly why. No disabled people should have access to benefits - except him?!!