Tiny bit of me wants to point out Karma (disability related)

[Blueeyedstork]

In a nutshell my friends DH has always been very vocal about disabled people being a drain on society and that it should not matter how disabled someone is they should either work or go in a home. Benefits should not be allowed.

this conversation was had years ago and I ended up leaving the house as I myself am disabled and I work for a disability charity and part of that is help people filling in forms. He said that I was contributing to the problem!! He also said he ever found himself with a disability he would work.

anyway after a lot of bad blood we now tolerate each other for friends sake and the topic was never brought up.

3 months ago he had an car crash (not his fault) and he now facing life in a wheelchair. Suddenly he is wanting me to help with advice, benefits etc as it will take ages to get to a point where he can do some kind of work. he seems to have forgotten all he said before.

now I will help him for my friends sake and I won’t point out the irony of him being so against disabled people and now he is one himself. But a bit of me is temped.

it just goes to show it can really happen to anyone at any age at any time. I developed epilepsy at 23 and narcepsy at 27. My cousin was diagnosed with MS at 40. I also know many people through work who were not born with a disability but in later life due to accident or illness. Many of those have admitted they thought it would never happened to them and a few have even said they looked down on people with a disability.

I decided to write this thread now as a lady had put on another thread that vulnerable people should be at the bottom of the list when it comes to services and budgets. I am guessing she would change her tune very quickly if she found herself of someone she loves on the other side.

it can happened to anyone, any time, any age, any where. I think people forgot this.

Xccccc
This post feels in bad taste.

yes op, my parents had a saying if there are things you can think but never say, I personally can’t believe you’ve gone through your own crap, help people with disabilities and ever even thought this let alone are saying you’re helping because of your friend.

Why?
All we're hearing lately is how benefits should be cut. This is just the other side of that.
No one knows what may happen and what they might need in future.
.

I would leave him to it. Other people can assist him. It wouldn't be me.

This post is such bad taste. It almost feels like you think he has got what he deserves.

I think I would have to have a conversation where we discussed his previous extreme beliefs about disabled people and what he said about your job working for a charity 'contributing to the problem'. I'd want to know his views on the situation now and how they have changed. If he now came down the line of 'I can't believe I used to think like that, I was so wrong and I'm so sorry', then I would be prepared to draw a line under it. Otherwise, I don't think I could. Your friend can help her husband instead,

I just wouldn't get involved with this. It would cost me too much, having to keep quiet about his very nasty views. I'd just use the "it's not professional to advise mates" excuse.

You could: If he is eligible for help from your employer, let him apply through the proper process, but tell your employer you know him personally and someone else should help him, to keep things professional. If he isn't eligible for advice from your organisation, suggest others he could use.

He did! He’s learning a very hard lesson and I’d let him learn it.

Disabled people all being in a home would cost more than benefits, so this guy is stupid as well as ableist.

Yes, the only thing between any person and acquiring a disability is luck and time.

However, while I see why it would be very enjoyable to point it out as karma to him, I would be wary of doing so - the concept that people cause their disabilities through their intent and actions is already used to by people as he is to deny disabled people support and needed care. And he'll likely just keep acting that way towards other disabled people he sees as less deserving.

I'll give a mild example - a nurse told my husband to our faces that because of how he looks (broad shoulders, long hair, how he dresses), she thought his injuries were from a motorcycle accident and was going to send him away - but when she learned the reality was he'd survived a vicious attack that damaged his spine years back which led to difficulties in other joints, she was willing to put him forward for further physiotherapy and other care. I've heard a lot worse than this, but it's one of the more brazen ones I've heard - usually it's not to the patient, but in wider discussions we have medical professionals using this type of rhetoric. IME, it's a not uncommon mindset.

It really isn't in bad taste....

Instead it reminds people that anyone could suddenly find themselves with a disability or a lond term health conditions and this is why we need a good safety net and decent benefits.

There are so many people in the media, politics, and online who love criticising disabled people and the charities that support them and calling them scroungers without a second thought about the distress this causes.

Well the reality has demonstrated here that anyone could end up needing support one day.

OP If I were you I would sign post it to organisation that can support him but no get involved yourself.

@FellowSuffereroftheAbsurd did this nurse say outright that she would have referred him for different things, or fewer things, if he had been in a bike accident?

Indeed.

Well...

I would say something. Poor health through whatever cause can happen to anyone at any point in their life and need protecting.

Not a route I would be willing to go down, considering that there are people who really believe that disabled people must have done something wrong in a past life, this thinking about karma, is not good.

I think you sound really unpleasant, anyone with a disability deserves compassion, whilst his view was uneducated, mean and unwarranted to be pleased that he has now joined those people unfortunate enough to live with a disability is truly awful!

the post is not in bad taste.
it’s a harsh reality and a human response.

I would absolutely not say anything, but a small part of me would be thinking the same thing tbh. Hopefully his own odious and offensive remarks will come back to him as he starts to negotiate life as a disabled person, and hopefully he will have learned something.

I'm disabled and I totally get how you feel, OP. He had horribly ableist attitudes and now he's become disabled himself. I dont think you're being gleeful at all - I'm sure you wouldn't wish the accident on him, just that you hope he realises in time that anyone can become disabled and society should help those who need it. I wouldn't say anything to him directly though, especially as it's not been long since the trauma of his accident. But totally normal and human of you to feel the way you do. Perhaps in time he'll reflect and apologise to you for his past views. In the meantime, I'd offer to help with the forms or suggest he refers to the charity you work for so it's done officially.

Many people ignore the fact that anyone can become disabled at anytime because otherwise we'd spend our lives in a permanent state of anxiety about "what if".

To describe his misfortune as "karma" definitely implies you think he got what he deserved which is pretty repulsive. That you would think it's appropriate to remind him of his previously unpleasant opinions is really shocking. It must have been a big adjustment for you when you received your diagnosis, imagine what it's like for him to become a wheelchair user.

Yes he was an arsehole but reminding him would make you one too. Contemplating whether you should satisfy your spiteful urge gets you halfway there already.

He won't have learnt anything, or changed his mind. He will convince himself that he deserves all the help, because of everything he has contributed to the system. It's only the other, non-special, people that don't deserve help.

People don't change.

I would definitely point out his previous attitude.

I disagree!

The op has every right to remind him of his revolting prejudice.

You don't know that. People can, and do change.

For what purpose? He's in a wheelchair now, I think he knows.