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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was I mean to neighbour?

134 replies

cadburysbunny · 07/02/2026 11:25

So my next door neighbour has pretty much excluded me since I moved here.

Has mums parties with the other mums on the estate, has a WhatsApp group chat with them etc.
Me and my other neighbour were not invited to join but we know about it from the other neighbours.
From what I hear the other mums have now distanced themselves from her now.

I don't know why as I would take her deliveries in for her when she was at work and was always friendly to her.

Since I found out about the group and about the things she said about me I began refusing her deliveries. She would ignore me (would say hello before) but would always say hello to OH if she saw him.

Suites me fine as as I found her quite intrusive to be honest.

Anyway a note was slipped through the door at 10pm on Wednesday night.

Her and her toddler were ill and would be going to her parents early Thursday morning to recover and wanted me to accept a delivery which was too late to re arrange.

Of course when the delivery came I didn't bother opening the door and it was a large delivery too.

My OH thinks I did the right thing as he knows what she has been like.

I do feel a bit bad was I mean to do this?
Im not a nasty person and usually do help neighbours if they are nice to me but she has cold for no reason.

OP posts:
Timeforturkey · 07/02/2026 11:38

She wants the benefits of a friendship, or at least friendly neighbours, without wanting the actual relationship. That isn't fair. YANBU to not do the work a friend/friendly neighbour would do when you're treated as one.

pouletvous · 07/02/2026 11:41

She excludes you but is intrusive? How is she both?

I think you should have taken the moral high ground and helped out whilst she is unwell

BillieWiper · 07/02/2026 11:42

Why doesn't she ask the ones she's friends with to take her deliveries?

It all sounds petty and childish but there's nothing wrong with not taking in neighbours parcels. You don't need a reason.

Original poster
cadburysbunny · 07/02/2026 11:43

When I would speak to her she would ask a lot of personal questions and talk about other neighbours business.

She started a neighbourhood WhatsApp group and didn't invite me.

She has not even said hello to me in months and usually ignores so I didn't see why I should help her when it suits her.

OP posts:
SparklyGlitterballs · 07/02/2026 11:44

YANBU. You can't exclude people and then expect them to help you. To drop a note at 10pm for a delivery early Thursday morning was very presumptive of her. She should have asked earlier, and in person, not make an assumption about your availability.

Notsosweetcaroline · 07/02/2026 11:44

Hmm. Not sure, you say she has parties with the other mums and excludes you. Could she just be having parties with her friends, people she’s known for some time, and doesn’t know you, that it’s not you’re entitled to go and join her social circle by proximity? Also how can she be intrusive and exclusive.

CrikeyNumpty · 07/02/2026 11:46

Match people’s energy I say. She has never done you any favours, in fact she has been horrible to you, so let her reap what she sowed. You did the right thing, without question.

Raindancer411 · 07/02/2026 11:47

If she asks I would just say “oh sorry we had to nip out, it must have been then”

Original poster
cadburysbunny · 07/02/2026 11:50

The mums all live on the 4 streets on this estate, the estate was built last year and we have all lived here under a year.

She would talk to me before but to ask questions and try to talk about other neighbours.

She created this WhatsApp mum's group and didn't invite me even though I was taking in her parcels at this time and we were speaking and friendly.

As soon as I started declining her parcels she began ignoring me and only saying hello OH.

OP posts:
OneOfEachPlease · 07/02/2026 11:50

To be honest, I think this was a bit mean-spirited. I take stuff in for neighbours. Isn’t that just what you do? I don’t really know why you need a quid pro quo for everything.

Lookingforwardtospringster · 07/02/2026 11:53

My neighbour is like this. Was in my antenatal group and eventually when we all had babies they all paraded into hers for coffee and I wasn’t invited! Then I’d see the group everywhere (we had been going for coffee prior to all having our babies). I’ve never forgiven her excluding me at a vulnerable time but o lowered my expectations of her. I still would however take parcels etc and to be fair, she would vice verse. I see her as a neighbour and not as a friend and now don’t expect anything from her. Life is short and when we get older we’ll need each other more im sure! We all can’t get on with everyone! The ante natal group disbanded about 2-3 years after! My neighbour has gone onto a new best friend like she always does and uses (she found a new friend after hers moved away and I hear the friend takes her dog for free when she goes on holiday). She uses her a lot to the point her friend jokes she needs some time off to go on her holidays!

mondaytosunday · 07/02/2026 11:55

Wow. Someone is ill and asks a favour - which would require you to simply open the door, and you don’t do it? I don’t care if she hasn’t invited you around (since when do we have to include people we don’t know to social occasions)? She sure won’t be asking you now. Glad you’re not my neighbour.

Original poster
cadburysbunny · 07/02/2026 11:58

@mondaytosundayif had bothered to read the post correctly you would see that she had created a WhatsApp mums group for all the mums in our street and didn't invite me whilst I was taking in her parcels.

I stopped helping her after this.

And the delivery wasn't just a small package, it was a large mirror or something, and it would just be sat in my hallway, bearing in mind I have 2 young DC.

OP posts:
Brewtiful · 07/02/2026 12:02

Honestly no I don't think it's mean. So what if all you had to do was open the door, she's been nothing but rude to you, talked about you behind your back and yet she expects you to be a doormat and do her favours. If she's so popular she could have asked someone else to accept it.

Catapultaway · 07/02/2026 12:07

cadburysbunny · 07/02/2026 11:58

@mondaytosundayif had bothered to read the post correctly you would see that she had created a WhatsApp mums group for all the mums in our street and didn't invite me whilst I was taking in her parcels.

I stopped helping her after this.

And the delivery wasn't just a small package, it was a large mirror or something, and it would just be sat in my hallway, bearing in mind I have 2 young DC.

Honestly, you can be neighbourly without being friends. She clearly doesnt see you as being a friend but just a neighbour, thats fine. Im good friends with one of my neighbours and we regularly go for coffees and go out together, to each others houses. The other neighbour i am neighbourly with, we get on fine, we say hello have idle chat, but we are not friends.
If she threw her toys out of the pram and wouldnt take in a parcel because i was friends with another neighbour it would make me chuckle a little at the pettiness. But if it makes you feel better then go for it.

CelticSilver · 07/02/2026 12:13

Overcome evil with good (Romans 12:21)

Brewtiful · 07/02/2026 12:16

CelticSilver · 07/02/2026 12:13

Overcome evil with good (Romans 12:21)

Some people are takers no amount of killing them with kindness will make them a nicer, less selfish person. All that will happen is she will continue to expect the OP to be her general dogs body.

gtamum · 07/02/2026 12:19

What things has she said about you?

Sandunesandseashells · 07/02/2026 12:21

If she mentioned it, I would say I assumed the note was for my husband and left it somewhere he would see it, no idea what happened next.

Ewock · 07/02/2026 12:23

Catapultaway · 07/02/2026 12:07

Honestly, you can be neighbourly without being friends. She clearly doesnt see you as being a friend but just a neighbour, thats fine. Im good friends with one of my neighbours and we regularly go for coffees and go out together, to each others houses. The other neighbour i am neighbourly with, we get on fine, we say hello have idle chat, but we are not friends.
If she threw her toys out of the pram and wouldnt take in a parcel because i was friends with another neighbour it would make me chuckle a little at the pettiness. But if it makes you feel better then go for it.

Show quote history

Of course you can be neighbourly without being friends. But the ops neighbour purposefully ignores her, so why on earth should she then be expected to take in a parcel. You get what you give. By ignoring her the neighbour has now set the level of their behaviour as neighbours therefore she has formatted any neighbourly behaviour.

You dont get to ignore people and then benefit from their kindness.

FasterMichelin · 07/02/2026 12:23

She sounds like an idiot. Try to ignore her and you’re right to refuse her deliveries.

Original poster
cadburysbunny · 07/02/2026 12:24

From what I have heard the other neighbours have began distancing themselves from her.

She did ask her other next door neighbour but she refused as well, and they were quite close before.

I think what annoys people is how she talks about everyone and stirs, she doesn't really have social awareness and it rubs people up the wrong way.

I have seen the same mum's on our street who would speak to before actively ignore her and walk off so it's not just me.

OP posts:
Friendlygingercat · 07/02/2026 12:26

Op has already stated that she took in parcels for her neighbour in the past but the NDN responded to this kindness by excluding her from a chat group. Personally I would have asked to join if it was important to me and waited to see what she said. It sounds like the NDN wears her way through friends as a speed of knots.

Anewsyrup · 07/02/2026 12:28

You have written about this neighbour loads under different names. If I recall correctly on your last thread - following your follow up posts, the consensus was you are green with envy about how popular and involved this neighbour is

Abouttoblow · 07/02/2026 12:29

OneOfEachPlease · 07/02/2026 11:50

To be honest, I think this was a bit mean-spirited. I take stuff in for neighbours. Isn’t that just what you do? I don’t really know why you need a quid pro quo for everything.

Why on earth would anyone take in deliveries for some who ignores them?

What would your response be if the OP had said:
"I don't like one of my neighbours so I excluded her from the neighbour group chat and I don't speak to her when I see her. She's started refusing to take in deliveries for me. Is she BU?

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