Was I mean to neighbour?

[cadburysbunny]

So my next door neighbour has pretty much excluded me since I moved here.

Has mums parties with the other mums on the estate, has a WhatsApp group chat with them etc.
Me and my other neighbour were not invited to join but we know about it from the other neighbours.
From what I hear the other mums have now distanced themselves from her now.

I don't know why as I would take her deliveries in for her when she was at work and was always friendly to her.

Since I found out about the group and about the things she said about me I began refusing her deliveries. She would ignore me (would say hello before) but would always say hello to OH if she saw him.

Suites me fine as as I found her quite intrusive to be honest.

Anyway a note was slipped through the door at 10pm on Wednesday night.

Her and her toddler were ill and would be going to her parents early Thursday morning to recover and wanted me to accept a delivery which was too late to re arrange.

Of course when the delivery came I didn't bother opening the door and it was a large delivery too.

My OH thinks I did the right thing as he knows what she has been like.

I do feel a bit bad was I mean to do this?
Im not a nasty person and usually do help neighbours if they are nice to me but she has cold for no reason.

But why on earth would you assume someone would be willing to stay in for your delivery without asking? I wouldnt even do that to someone who was talking to me, never mind someone that isn't

Your NDN is a colossal fucking cunt.

You did the right not bothering to open the door for her delivery.

She can get to fuck.

She doesn’t sound very nice. If she asks about the delivery, just say you were out most of the day!

I don’t think you’ve been mean, I personally wouldn’t have anything to do with someone who likes to gossip about others, what’s the saying those who gossip to you gossip about you. I think this will have happily cut all ties so you can get on with not having to speak to her again.

Some people will take the moral high ground and do as she asked I’m a believer in boundaries. If she doesn’t like the consequences of the boundaries you’ve set based on her behaviour that’s for her to deal with. Give it no more thought.

Your neighbourhood sounds horrendous!

I have to say it does seem petty not to take in a parcel when they were sick. While she sounds like a petty idiot, I couldn’t stoop to her level.

would you honestly want to be in her Whatapp group? It sounds like absolute hell.

Another one who seems to think it's impossible to tell the neighbour exactly why her request wasn't accommodated.

I treat people how they treat me. Ignore her, she’s not a nice person

If she greets your OH but ignores you, is she jealous in some way/fancies your OH? Either way, she sounds a bit odd.

When I first stopped taking in her parcels she would
slam her front door so hard first thing in the morning at 6:30am when she would be going to work and it would literally vibrate our whole house.

I don't think she fancies or likes my OH, as they have never really spoken and she has a boyfriend.
It is always just a quick hello.

She will also walk up by our front door and start looking into our Ringdoor with a menacing look, she is actually a very strange person.

Sometimes her and her boyfriend will also put on music really loud at night (10pm/11pm) to antagonise us, this is with her own child is asleep.

If she does ask why I refused her delivery I will mention the reasons.

She sounds nuts but you don’t sound much better to be honest. Your whole estate sounds like it’s full of busybodies, you all talk behind people’s backs. The more you post, the more obsessed you seem with her. I wouldn’t like to live on this estate.

@LoveWine123im not really sure why you think im obsessed with her?

She is the one who wrote us a note asking us to accept delivery of her parcel, we leave her alone and don't wish to interact with her at all.

It was mainly all the mothers on the estate (including her) who were the busybodies and talking about everyone's business and it was only after a few incidents that the WhatsApp group disbanded.

I only know this from a neighbour who heard all this from one of the mothers in the group, I didn't ask but as she is my neighbour and made everyone aware I had declined her parcel they thought it was amusing to mention all of this to me.

She’s a cheeky cow! If she says anything just say you were out or in meetings.

You did fine. I don’t bother taking parcels in at all now. If they aren’t there for a delivery, it’s not my problem.

Did you want to go to the "mums parties"? What kind of event are we talking about - drinks parties in the evening in her home?

It sounds like you don't have much in common with her, so I am not sure you were missing much by not going.

Same with her WhatsApp chat group - if you don't enjoy the same kind of chat (she sounds a bit gossipy from the way you describe her, and you say you are not like that) then I don't think you are missing out by not being included.

I guess to me that wouldn't have an impact on whether I would do normal neighbourly stuff for people like taking in deliveries. My neighbours are personal friends in the sense we don't socialise together, but I am always happy to help them out and vice versa.

Sounds like she was hurt when you stopped taking her parcels, and that's why she stopped chatting to you when you saw her. I do kind of get that.

And given this, the fact that she asked you to take the food delivery implies, I guess, that she was genuinely pretty desperate? So I guess she and her son must be really poorly.

Anyway, taking in a large food delivery IS a fairly big ask, as if there was chilled and frozen stuff you would have to accommodate it in your fridge/freezer - I would struggle to fit it in mine, personally. So I think it's fine to say no if you couldn't do it.

I assume you let her know you wouldn't be able to, to give her the chance to find someone else to take it? Assuming you have her number.

If you have her number and DIDN'T text her to let her know, I think that would be quite spiteful.

Other than that, fair enough. But I would honestly stop stressing about the parties etc. Who wants to go to the parties of someone they don't get on with socially?

And if I were you I would take in her parcels, when it was convenient to do so. Because you never know when you may need help from a neighbour yourself. I've helped our, and been helped out by, neighbours in really tricky circumstances in the past (elderly relative needing rushed to hospital in a snowstorm and I had no childcare, is one example that stands out). That has really taught me the value of keeping neighbours inside, even if they aren't people I would choose to hang out with in my free time ordinarily!

Maybe her slamming the door early morning and playing loud music at night isn't her doing it to annoy you, perhaps she is just unaware that she is a nuisance.
It seems odd if she has a little one, that she would deliberately turn her music up at 11pm, just to get one over on you.

This
Don’t agree with the ‘match energy’ thing. Just because she’s a dick doesn’t mean you have to be. She’s also not obliged to be your friend. So what if she hit it off with other women on your street? You can still be a good neighbour without being friends.

You sound quite childish

@Ilovelurchers- I hear what you're saying but she has ignored me for months and not even a hello.
She isn't friends with them it was simply a mum's what's app group which has since been disbanded.

I have a toddler and a baby so she can't just expect me to be in for her delivery or assume I would be available, I'm not a concierge service.
We don't have each other's numbers.
The delivery was a big parcel which would of taken up space in my non existent hallway.

I don't want to be taking in her parcels, sorry.
When I order things I ensure that I will be in so I don't inconvenience my neighbours so she can do the same.

I don't want to be friends but like I have previously mentioned in my posts she has ignored me for months so I am not obliged to be neighbourly to someone who is so hostile towards me.
Basic manners cost nothing.

I don't want to be friends with her and wasn't expecting to be, and she isn't friends with the mum's on the what's app group, it was a neighbourly thing.

Doesn't sound like a very nice estate to live on. I could not be arsed with giving this kind of stuff head space.

You sound like an absolute loser obsessed with popularity and being a huge gossip. Just grow up and get a grip.

She didn't even say 'I hope thats okay ' or 'please ', sod her and her mirror. You reap what you sow.

Talk about unhinged.

The OP stands up for herself and is somehow a loser?

Makes me wonder whether you have even read the thread, unless you are the OP's NDN? 🤦‍♂️🙄

@cadburysbunny - you've done the right thing here. Fuck your NDN who is nothing but a cunt.

I don't think you should have been a "bigger person" she could rearrange a delivery to be delivered to your house but not for a different day?

Then she expected you to store her large item until she got back at the weekend?

I'd just tell her you were out when the delivery arrived, or that you couldn't get to the door. Telling her you didn't bother because of x y and z will just cause even more trouble. If she was expecting a delivery then she should have waited for it before leaving for her parents. She can't have been that ill if she was able to drive/travel.

She's a proper fucking drama queen!

My only thought to this thread was wondering if it's outing? The details are quite specific. But, not my circus not my monkeys 🐒

She didn't ask you to take in her parcel, OP, she told you in her note that she had arranged for it to come to your house. As you said, she gave no indication of the time it might arrive. You say you don't have each other's phone numbers so she couldn't even message with a 2 hour slot.

She's a rude & cheeky mare.