Was I mean to neighbour?

[cadburysbunny]

So my next door neighbour has pretty much excluded me since I moved here.

Has mums parties with the other mums on the estate, has a WhatsApp group chat with them etc.
Me and my other neighbour were not invited to join but we know about it from the other neighbours.
From what I hear the other mums have now distanced themselves from her now.

I don't know why as I would take her deliveries in for her when she was at work and was always friendly to her.

Since I found out about the group and about the things she said about me I began refusing her deliveries. She would ignore me (would say hello before) but would always say hello to OH if she saw him.

Suites me fine as as I found her quite intrusive to be honest.

Anyway a note was slipped through the door at 10pm on Wednesday night.

Her and her toddler were ill and would be going to her parents early Thursday morning to recover and wanted me to accept a delivery which was too late to re arrange.

Of course when the delivery came I didn't bother opening the door and it was a large delivery too.

My OH thinks I did the right thing as he knows what she has been like.

I do feel a bit bad was I mean to do this?
Im not a nasty person and usually do help neighbours if they are nice to me but she has cold for no reason.

When did stading up for yourself make you a loser?
I think we've found the ops neighbour!

I think there is no right or wrong here. Not unreasonable but then if she is poorly & can’t rearrange then I probably would have taken it in as a one off cos like you I would have also felt guilty over it

Do you maybe think you came across as not wanting to be friends? You can be neighbourly without being friends.

To be honest I am glad I declined it and I did feel bad.
But there were also times I would say hello first to her and she would just ignore me.

And if I get into the habit of taking in her parcels again it will be never ending.
I do accept parcels for my other neighbours who are polite and at least say hello to me.

Its not a very nice area to live in but it is a very good area in terms of a very low crime rate and good schools.

To be honest I have never experienced anything like it but then again this is the first I have lived on an estate.

There are quite a few "For Sale" signs here and the houses aren't even a year old.
To be honest if we could we would also move.

Everyone's knows your business, people listen to your convos on their Ring door bell, people mock others on a neighbourhood Whats App group chat, neighbours call the police on kids for riding scooters in their own garden.

@PrancingpickleI was always friendly to her when we did chat, she would always approach me and then talk for ages, about gardening, kids, work, and then she would mention other neighbours business.

One time the neighbour she was talking about (lives 2 doors down from her) actually came out and confronted her.

I mean I don't want to be friends with any neighbours because of stuff like this, but I was always civil to her.

YANBU.
She sounds like a brass-necked cheeky cow, who wants her cake and eat it! 😠 😡 😤
So all the benefits of kind neighbours, but non of the actual work of being neighbourly on her own part?
Fuck her right off, she's a cunt fuck. 👎
I would be tempted to move house tbh, but thats just me... 😬

The AUDACITY of ignoring you, blanking you, whatever and then slipping a note under your door asking for a favour. The mind boggles. Doesn’t even have the self awareness or balls to ring your bell, apologise and ask properly. Cheeky cunt. Mind you, it makes it easier on you to ignore both her and her delivery.

She can't have it both ways. Excluding you and freezing you out, and then asking for favours - at night time, no less.
I used to take in parcels for both my neighbours all the time. Every house I've lived in. However, my current estate is something else for sense of entitlement.

I always used to take in parcels in for the alcoholic woman on one side of me. However, she does nothing but blast loud music all day. She keeps the most odd hours, and constantly parties at home. Never goes out to pubs or clubs. Does it all at home. She is VERY loud. Last year my partner texted her to ask really nicely to please keep it down, we don't mind once in a while, but that this was 20 hours out of 24 of thumping dance music. She responded by telling him to fuck off, call the police then, see how far you get, "we ain't under a curfew here, luv", you get the picture.

I inadvertently took a parcel in for her the other day - I was taking in my own from the courier when he said "she's not in, could you just take it in for her?" so it was impossible to say no. And yep she didn't come to collect it. She and her two daughters shortly returned home and 24 hours later this huge box was still in our porch.

Partner eventually took it round. I will never help that woman again after how she talked to us. I will treat her exactly as she treated and spoke to me.

What goes around, comes around.

A neighbour fell out with me when I told her to take down the instructions in her window saying 'if we’re aren’t in for the daily parcels we order, deliver to boardwalk as she’s just WFH and doing nothing' or words to that effect

she had a go at me when I refused to take any more parcels for her

you did absolutely the right thing. Tell her to do one

You have posted before. You don’t like it that this woman has friends. You expect her to include you yet you have not invited her to anything. You seem to be making up stories about other people not liking her to justify your own bitterness. If she is as bad as you say someone else would have made another what’s app and included you.

She can't rearrange the delivery date but can rearrange the delivery address?
No. She's a piss-taker.

Yes. Be the bigger person.

You had an opportunity to turn things around and you behaved like a spoiled child.

I’m not even going to rise to this comment and give it a response it doesn’t deserve

o’h wait, what 😂

Turn what around... The OP hasn't done anything wrong. She has a backbone, many on this thread would do well to take a leaf out of her book and stop being so 'kind'.

I've lived next to my ndn for over 25 years and for most of the time we were friendly, took in parcels etc but I think she has developed mental health problems, I've had to block her on messenger as she would send me nasty messages! Anyway I seriously doubt she would take in a parcel for us but I probably would for her (I can imagine her sticking notes on her door DO NOT ON ANY ACCOUNT LEAVE A PARCEL WITH MANTHIDE).
It baffles me as I'm not a bad neighbour but there you are.

What you’re seeing as ‘backbone’, depressingly, is the behaviour of someone terribly insecure, who feels ‘excluded’ because her neighbour hasn’t befriended her, and is looking for reasons to demonise her on the internet. That’s not ‘backbone’, that’s pettiness.

@BendSinisteryou sound like a charming person yourself lol.
I have not once been nasty in my posts to anyone and yet you keep trying to single me out?

For what?
Your probably my next door neighbour lol and when have I said I wanted to befriend her?

You sound quite miserable, trying to put a stranger down over the internet to make yourself feel better?

I simply came on here for advice not to be attacked.

I honestly could not care less if my neighbours never spoke to me again 😂 I couldn't think of anything worse than being in an 'estate' group chat 🤢 - eeeergh.
No you weren't mean, I don't take parcels for any of my neighbours 😂 I only get mine delivered on days I know I'll be at home. The less involvement and interaction I have with anyone I live near, the better 😅 yes I am unsociable!

You are not being unreasonable to refuse to take in the parcel. You have been neighbourly before and she has thrown it back in your face. Also having to store a large, breakable parcel for a week when you have small children isn't great either. However, I don't think I could refuse to accept it in the circumstances.

We have a next door neighbour that is rude to us. Haven't done anything wrong to him, but he took exception to me saying that I would prefer it if he asked before he came in our garden to cut his hedge back. Even said that if we were out it wasn't an issue, but on a morning when we were both in the garden at the same time, and could hear each other talk, it was rude not to ask first if he could use our garden that day. We knew he did because he was stood on the drive when my husband got home. As he turned the car around the neighbour cleared up his things and went back inside - didn't even wait to speak to us.

Before now he told someone they could put a flatbed on our drive to stand on, but failed to mention it to us - I was at home on maternity leave at the time so saw them and stopped them - they could stand on our drive, but the lorry wasn't using it.

The last time I spoke to him he realised that what I was saying was correct, and could not say I was wrong. His response as he walked away was to say that he couldn't argue with me because I was ugly😂

I would still take a parcel in for them if asked - just to prove I am not as childish as he is. (not saying you are childish - different circumstances).

The neighbour the other side always says in advance - my usual response is to ask if he needs me to move anything out of the way. We have taken parcels in for each other before too.

You did the right thing

You seem to be surrounded by gossips! (‘From what I hear…’) I’d be civil to these people but, quite honestly, concentrate on your own life and stop listening to rumour and gossip! Have all these ‘mums’ got nothing better to do than talk about each other!

I have wonderful neighbours in my small street, we are all friendly with each other eg take in parcels, take in/bring out bins if they’re away on ‘bin day’ but of shopping due to illness….but we are not friends as such, we don’t pop in and out of each others houses for coffee, no-one gossips…this is probably why we are all still talking to each other!

Removing all the mean behaviour on her part for a moment, she was incredibly rude to presume you’d be free, available and willing to take in a parcel by giving you no option to either take it, or look like you were being the bad guy. She should’ve asked in person. Or as she was expecting it she should’ve hung around for it then gone to her parents. Tbh I’ve had the exclusion thing with people and have learned to withdraw from them. They make you feel utterly worthless and like you’re a pain to me around, and then you are they gone want to talk to you. They make you work for friendship. In fact with me it’s now going the other way with one friend who is overly making an effort with other people so that I’ll look bad (or at least that’s how it feels) friendship shouldn’t be work and you shouldn’t feel used like it’s a transaction. The friends who aren't doing that you out are the ones to focus on. You’ve definitely done the right thing distancing. It serves her right because the fact you’re questioning this shows what a nice person you are and she’s missing out

Would you have wanted to be in the WhatsApp group ? She sounds awful.

sounds like you swerved a bullet to me. I get you might have felt a bit put out by the lack of invite but meh.

I wouldn’t take in any parcels for her if she’d been ignoring me blatantly.