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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was I mean to neighbour?

134 replies

cadburysbunny · 07/02/2026 11:25

So my next door neighbour has pretty much excluded me since I moved here.

Has mums parties with the other mums on the estate, has a WhatsApp group chat with them etc.
Me and my other neighbour were not invited to join but we know about it from the other neighbours.
From what I hear the other mums have now distanced themselves from her now.

I don't know why as I would take her deliveries in for her when she was at work and was always friendly to her.

Since I found out about the group and about the things she said about me I began refusing her deliveries. She would ignore me (would say hello before) but would always say hello to OH if she saw him.

Suites me fine as as I found her quite intrusive to be honest.

Anyway a note was slipped through the door at 10pm on Wednesday night.

Her and her toddler were ill and would be going to her parents early Thursday morning to recover and wanted me to accept a delivery which was too late to re arrange.

Of course when the delivery came I didn't bother opening the door and it was a large delivery too.

My OH thinks I did the right thing as he knows what she has been like.

I do feel a bit bad was I mean to do this?
Im not a nasty person and usually do help neighbours if they are nice to me but she has cold for no reason.

OP posts:
rainbowstardrops · 07/02/2026 12:30

If she was friendly to you and at least said hello then I would have probably taken it in but she cat blow hot and cold when it suits her.
Im not overly friendly with my neighbours, just a quick hello and a wave but if they blanked me then I wouldn’t take their parcels in either!

NovemberMorn · 07/02/2026 12:32

I don't think you were mean or unreasonable, you made a decision based on the way she has treated you in the past.

In the same circumstances I would have taken her parcel in as it wasn't inconveniencing me, but we are all different.

Original poster
cadburysbunny · 07/02/2026 12:39

Sorry I also forgot to mention that she also called the neighbourhood police officer on another neighbour a few Mormons back

She had reported the mother for her son playing on a hoover board and a scooter (not an e scooter).

The kid never used to play on the hoover board on the street but in their garden, I think this really out of order as it made the boy cry as he got scared.

Nothing came of it but its still a mean thing to do, so she isn't very neighbourly at all doing things like that.

OP posts:
Snaletrale · 07/02/2026 12:43

What a shame you were out when it was delivered…

ilovesooty · 07/02/2026 12:45

cadburysbunny · 07/02/2026 11:43

When I would speak to her she would ask a lot of personal questions and talk about other neighbours business.

She started a neighbourhood WhatsApp group and didn't invite me.

She has not even said hello to me in months and usually ignores so I didn't see why I should help her when it suits her.

Tell her that's why you aren't willing to help her out then.

Christmasinmecar · 07/02/2026 12:45

mondaytosunday · 07/02/2026 11:55

Wow. Someone is ill and asks a favour - which would require you to simply open the door, and you don’t do it? I don’t care if she hasn’t invited you around (since when do we have to include people we don’t know to social occasions)? She sure won’t be asking you now. Glad you’re not my neighbour.

I expect OP is glad she's not going to be asked now. I know I would.

ilovesooty · 07/02/2026 12:46

SparklyGlitterballs · 07/02/2026 11:44

YANBU. You can't exclude people and then expect them to help you. To drop a note at 10pm for a delivery early Thursday morning was very presumptive of her. She should have asked earlier, and in person, not make an assumption about your availability.

Yes I agree with that, unless the family illness was very unexpected.

DragonsAndDaffs · 07/02/2026 12:46

I would have taken in the parcel on this occasion.

ilovesooty · 07/02/2026 12:48

Raindancer411 · 07/02/2026 11:47

If she asks I would just say “oh sorry we had to nip out, it must have been then”

Why does she need to lie? She can just tell her neighbour she won't help her out because she doesn't like her behaviour. If she's unneighbourly the OP can tell her that she's not going to extend neighbourly gestures.

ilovesooty · 07/02/2026 12:51

cadburysbunny · 07/02/2026 12:24

From what I have heard the other neighbours have began distancing themselves from her.

She did ask her other next door neighbour but she refused as well, and they were quite close before.

I think what annoys people is how she talks about everyone and stirs, she doesn't really have social awareness and it rubs people up the wrong way.

I have seen the same mum's on our street who would speak to before actively ignore her and walk off so it's not just me.

So you're talking about her with other neighbours?

Soontobe60 · 07/02/2026 12:52

cadburysbunny · 07/02/2026 11:58

@mondaytosundayif had bothered to read the post correctly you would see that she had created a WhatsApp mums group for all the mums in our street and didn't invite me whilst I was taking in her parcels.

I stopped helping her after this.

And the delivery wasn't just a small package, it was a large mirror or something, and it would just be sat in my hallway, bearing in mind I have 2 young DC.

Honestly, you sound a bit childish!

AnybodyAnywhere · 07/02/2026 12:55

You weren’t mean but I usually take the ‘higher ground’ … it always gives you an advantage 😉

dairydebris · 07/02/2026 12:58

You sound petty AF.

She doesn't owe you a friendship or vv. Its not exclusion. This isnt reception.

I'd have just taken the package if I was in and not if not. Its no big deal. You're neighbour's not 6 year olds in the playground.

OriginalUsername2 · 07/02/2026 13:02

Not mean at all. She’s ignored you for months so can’t expect favours after being rude.

Brewtiful · 07/02/2026 13:03

dairydebris · 07/02/2026 12:58

You sound petty AF.

She doesn't owe you a friendship or vv. Its not exclusion. This isnt reception.

I'd have just taken the package if I was in and not if not. Its no big deal. You're neighbour's not 6 year olds in the playground.

So you do favours for people who are unkind to you, actively excluded you, blank you and talk about you behind your back? You're a better person than most if so.

The OP doesn't care I suspect if they are best friends but you can't treat someone like the neighbour has and then expect someone to do you favours.

BillieWiper · 07/02/2026 13:04

cadburysbunny · 07/02/2026 11:43

When I would speak to her she would ask a lot of personal questions and talk about other neighbours business.

She started a neighbourhood WhatsApp group and didn't invite me.

She has not even said hello to me in months and usually ignores so I didn't see why I should help her when it suits her.

Yeah just don't then. But try not to let it get to you. Just forget she exists.

dairydebris · 07/02/2026 13:07

Brewtiful · 07/02/2026 13:03

So you do favours for people who are unkind to you, actively excluded you, blank you and talk about you behind your back? You're a better person than most if so.

The OP doesn't care I suspect if they are best friends but you can't treat someone like the neighbour has and then expect someone to do you favours.

Edited
Show quote history

I wouldn't give a care at all being not on a WhatsApp group. If a neighbor ignored me in the street I'd assume theyre having a bad day and its a them issue, not about me.
I regularly take packages for neighbors with whom I wouldn't be friends with. Theyre neighbors. Its no big deal.
This is unnecessary drama.

ilovesooty · 07/02/2026 13:12

dairydebris · 07/02/2026 12:58

You sound petty AF.

She doesn't owe you a friendship or vv. Its not exclusion. This isnt reception.

I'd have just taken the package if I was in and not if not. Its no big deal. You're neighbour's not 6 year olds in the playground.

I'd probably have taken it in if it was practicable to do so, but if I felt like the OP does I'd at least summon up some backbone and tell her why I wasn't prepared to.

Brewtiful · 07/02/2026 13:12

dairydebris · 07/02/2026 13:07

I wouldn't give a care at all being not on a WhatsApp group. If a neighbor ignored me in the street I'd assume theyre having a bad day and its a them issue, not about me.
I regularly take packages for neighbors with whom I wouldn't be friends with. Theyre neighbors. Its no big deal.
This is unnecessary drama.

Show quote history

It's not about caring about being on the WhatsApp group though is it, it's about being one of only a few deliberately left out of it.

As for ignoring her it's hardly a one time thing, she's not even said hi to the OP in months.

I wouldn't expect my child to tolerate this behaviour and bend over backwards doing favours for someone who acted like this towards them. It's ok not to be a doormat and accept someone's behaviour.

dairydebris · 07/02/2026 13:20

Brewtiful · 07/02/2026 13:12

It's not about caring about being on the WhatsApp group though is it, it's about being one of only a few deliberately left out of it.

As for ignoring her it's hardly a one time thing, she's not even said hi to the OP in months.

I wouldn't expect my child to tolerate this behaviour and bend over backwards doing favours for someone who acted like this towards them. It's ok not to be a doormat and accept someone's behaviour.

Show quote history

Opening a door for a delivery is hardly bending over backwards is it? Helping someone out is hardly being a doormat.

The OP is basically saying 'you ignored me so I wont help you.' Its petty AF. Even my 7 year old is more grown up than that.

Thanksforyourlackofthought · 07/02/2026 13:21

Well, you can 'go high' but I always say that people behave this way because they get away with it, so if it were me (and I do understand that many people wouldn't want to do this), if she asks why you didn't take it, just tell the truth. Doesn't have to be a confrontation, just a simple "You exclude me and don't interact with me so I chose not to". She either apologises and you build a relationship (if you want to) or she knows that there is no relationship and therefore no favours.

ImADelightActually · 07/02/2026 13:23

cadburysbunny · 07/02/2026 12:24

From what I have heard the other neighbours have began distancing themselves from her.

She did ask her other next door neighbour but she refused as well, and they were quite close before.

I think what annoys people is how she talks about everyone and stirs, she doesn't really have social awareness and it rubs people up the wrong way.

I have seen the same mum's on our street who would speak to before actively ignore her and walk off so it's not just me.

At first I was going to say I wouldn’t want to be part of a group that operates like a bunch of mean girl school kids.

You sound a bit intrusive yourself. For someone who says she gossips and just talks about the neighbours a lot, you seem to be doing the same, with your “from what I’ve heard” and then giving info about other women on your estate and what they are doing, it sounds like you’re seeing at a popularity contest and you contradict yourself, you say they ignore you but then say you know people don’t like her. Why do you care?

BauhausOfEliott · 07/02/2026 13:26

You’ve posted about this woman before. You seem a bit obsessed with her to be honest.

ilovesooty · 07/02/2026 13:27

Thanksforyourlackofthought · 07/02/2026 13:21

Well, you can 'go high' but I always say that people behave this way because they get away with it, so if it were me (and I do understand that many people wouldn't want to do this), if she asks why you didn't take it, just tell the truth. Doesn't have to be a confrontation, just a simple "You exclude me and don't interact with me so I chose not to". She either apologises and you build a relationship (if you want to) or she knows that there is no relationship and therefore no favours.

Absolutely.

BendSinister · 07/02/2026 13:28

cadburysbunny · 07/02/2026 12:39

Sorry I also forgot to mention that she also called the neighbourhood police officer on another neighbour a few Mormons back

She had reported the mother for her son playing on a hoover board and a scooter (not an e scooter).

The kid never used to play on the hoover board on the street but in their garden, I think this really out of order as it made the boy cry as he got scared.

Nothing came of it but its still a mean thing to do, so she isn't very neighbourly at all doing things like that.

But that’s nothing at all to do with you. You’re just using it as an excuse to paint her as badly as possible to justify not taking in her parcel.

I don’t see either why you feel entitled to her friendship. Neighbours don’t have to befriend one another. People are entitled to only socialise with people they like. I loathe our next door neighbours but we’ve engaged about hedges etc. I’ve taken in a parcel for a family two doors down who have been markedly unfriendly for some time, probably because of our next door neighbours getting to them. I’d distinguish normal neighbourliness from liking.