Brother sold mum's wedding ring

[goudacheese]

My mum in her late 80s mentioned to me last week that gold prices are high. I didn't think much of it and then I have just found out from her that my brother took her to the local jewellers at the weekend and sold her wedding ring plus another couple of gold items pocketing himself over a grand.
Mum has justified doing this by saying that the ring was too big and might be stollen by carers.
Im pretty certain the ring is bequeathed to me in her will and although I haven't given it much thought I always imagined it would be a keepsake. My brother got my late dad's jewellery when he died.
I just feel I should have been included in any plans so we could have discussed it. I appreciate its mum's ring to do as she wishes but I think my brother could have put the brakes on and spoken to me first.

Hmm tough one because like you say it is your mother’s ring and she can do as she wishes but then for him to keep the money means it wasn’t entirely her decision. Ask her why he kept the money and not her?

Your brother is a scumbag.

Dont let him corner her again, manipulation and coercive control of your mum is shitty behaviour.

This cant be his first rodeo

Your brother sounds a greedy sod, do you have POAfor your mum why is she giving him money ?

Why didn't the money go in your mum's pocket?If she wanted to sell them?

Did your mum really want to give all the money from the gold to your brother? I would be very concerned that he has pressurised her or just taken it from her. Is your brother normally like this?

I don't understand why your brother kept the money?

However, your mother sounds very sensible - my own mother had all of her rings stolen by carers, so it definitely happens!

I could well imagine my brother doing this. A few years back he asked mum for his inheritance early. Now, my family are not a family who have inheritances, mum is a rare one in our family for owning her own home. We all know that home is likely to go towards her care costs. It was a greedy grab, but if mum had agreed to it then that would have been her business.

MIL's jewellery was all stolen by carers, so I can understand your mum's reasoning. But it has actually been stolen by your brother and I wonder what else he is up to.

Have you spoken to your brother about it?

my mum passed many many years ago when I was a teenager. She had a very unhappy marriage and actually gave her wedding ring to her own brother to “throw away”. Her brother (my uncle) didn’t and passed it to my brother when she passed. Tbh it’s his to do as he wishes with it. It wasn’t given to me, it’s none of my business, tbh I don’t think I’d want it, I think I kinda feel about it as my own mum did. I don’t even know if my brother still has it.

but yours is a different situation, everyone is here, in the here and now. Albeit your mum is here to do as she wishes with her stuff. I don’t like the idea that your mum was marched down the jewellers and ordered to sell but was that really the case?? Does have your mum have dementia? Is she of sound mind? To be honest if she is, I don’t think there’s much you can say or do?

now the ring is gone, do you think you should have some of the money?

This 💯

And this 🥲

Thats a financial abuse flag.

You cant do much about it if she is not willing to discuss it.

The best you will likely manage is asking her what her financial plans are for the future wrt using money to pay for special treats for herself

And bluntly if your DB is a financial abuser take it as a given that he will have pushed your mum to remove you from the will and/or he will end up with the bulk of any remaining assets.

I’m sorry but am I the only one with concern for your mothers well being here and the fact that she is being financially abused and that by comparing being robbed by one set of unscrupulous individuals to being robbed by an unscrupulous family member is NO comparison because it’s robbery nonetheless!

Being “included” in the plans of a robbery isn’t the best way of viewing this!

FFS protect your mother from any more harm and exploitation and get some sensible advice to advocate for a vulnerable person.

Ask your brother to give you half of the money from the sale of the rings and see what he says. If he refuses, you know he’s a manipulative scumbag. 🤷🏻‍♀️

We've both got POA. Mum always says she doesn't need the money which is true as dad left her well off. In April for the past couple of years she always gave us a cash gift of 3k so 1.5 each which is OK under inheritance rules. However I'm pretty sure other money has been going to my brother as he recently got an expensive work van and my nephew said mum had given him 10k. Although mum is always complaining he doesn't bother with her, he can do no wrong if you know what I mean.

When I did safeguarding training we were told police take a pretty dim view of things like this.

i agree with this. It’s financial abuse of an elder.

Your brother has coerced your
mum into selling her stuff and giving him money. He’s an awful human being. I’d be tempted to think about what other keepsakes there might be that have meaning for you and ask to be allowed to put them somewhere out of his reach. A safety deposit box in your mother name for example. I’d be extremely upset if a sibling of mine sold family heirlooms. It’s not about money.

If your mum was worried about the safety of her jewellery, she could have given it to you or your brother for safekeeping, she didn't have to sell it! I think I'd be concerned about your brother pressuring and financially abusing her to be honest. Not sure what you can do about it though 😔

Ask her. She’s an adult and can make her own decisions regarding her possessions & money, unless incapacitated. But you can also ask, and have a conversation about it.
If you feel that she favours him while it is you that spends more time with her, then stop spending more time with her. Focus on other things if the dynamic is getting you down.

do you have the whole story?

The problem will be that the OPs mother is not willing to engage with the OP.

If the OPs mother has capacity there is very little that the OP can do.

DM has a right to make very bad decisions and the B will claim that the OP is bullying her over how she spends her money.

i’d be speaking to her along the lines of
i know you worry about db and i imagine his new van came from your bank account but selling your jewellery and letting him keep a grand, why? whats he doing with the money? he needs to make better choices and you holding him up may make him rely on you more rather than standing in his own two feet, which by his age one would expect.
i know you want to help him but i’m worried he’s getting more and more snd more if your money and you need to keep it for your frail old age which may be in a care home at £1k a week. you can be giving all your money to him. you may well need it.

i know also that you always said you’d leave us equal amounts in your will and thats would be great, and i dont like to think about the day youll no longer be here but if you give him his share now youll have to amend your will or he will get everything your giving him just now AND half of what's left, and if you're wanting to be fair that isn’t fair, but it’s your money alrhough youll want to honour dads wishes too as hed want it to be fair also.

Your brother is abusing his poa.
I would be reporting him and getting him removed.