Brother sold mum's wedding ring

[goudacheese]

My mum in her late 80s mentioned to me last week that gold prices are high. I didn't think much of it and then I have just found out from her that my brother took her to the local jewellers at the weekend and sold her wedding ring plus another couple of gold items pocketing himself over a grand.
Mum has justified doing this by saying that the ring was too big and might be stollen by carers.
Im pretty certain the ring is bequeathed to me in her will and although I haven't given it much thought I always imagined it would be a keepsake. My brother got my late dad's jewellery when he died.
I just feel I should have been included in any plans so we could have discussed it. I appreciate its mum's ring to do as she wishes but I think my brother could have put the brakes on and spoken to me first.

My first post on this thread flagged this as financial abuse.

It’s important for OP to understand this.

With PoA she is responsible for her mum’s finances and that includes notifying of irregular activity by the other PoA.

Turning a blind eye may get her into trouble either a. For doing nothing about it or worse b. Suspicion of collusion with her DB in the financial abuse.

Can she prove for example that some of the funds he received weren’t passed to her?

This sounds like financial abuse. Why has he pocketed £1k from this? Surely of it’s your mums ring then she should get the cash to do what she wants?

Are you sure these are the correct facts?
My (covert narcissist) mother is also in her 80s and regularly tells stories like these but they are always not entirely the truth.
In my position I’d have taken her to the gold buyer as a favour and she would keep the funds and tells everyone she gave them to me to look like a martyr 🙄 (hence I am now no contact!)
Appreciate that not everyone has a shit mother like mine but maybe you should check with your brother this is definitely the case. No one ever checked with me and believed my mother’s lies.

Yes I got this wrong, I was thinking it always only came into play when mental capacity was diminished. Every day is a school day

Definitely financial abuse. Get some help now, and keep a log of it all. My uncle did this to my grandfather and when he died there was only a few thousand pounds left for his other children, he'd been manipulating him out of everything, all his savings gone. It also feels deliberately mean selling her jewelry if she has other money.... very controlling. Look at the Hourglass charity, call them and get advice but you may also need social services to help too.

Ask him what he’s done with your mums money

This.

Thanks for all the great advice. Mum is of sound mind but has always been blind to my brothers selfish nature. She has agreed for me to check her bank statements so we can note all gifts she has made. We will also check her Will. If I think there is abuse I will spreak to the suggested charity.

When you sell gold/jewellery there should be a paper trail as the seller must pay into a bank account and keep records. This could be useful if you need to follow up with a safeguarding agency to get him removed as poa in future. He is definitely not acting in your mum's best interests.

My grandma wished she had given her rings etc to my mum to look after, she was put into a home 3 years ago by my uncle unknowingly to the rest of the family, we all just got texts one days saying this is where your mum,gran is now for care...Anyhow within 2 weeks her rings, bracelets had gone missing and staff claimed they had no idea where and it wasn't just 2 it was 7 gold pieces she wore ever since I was a child given by my grandad and she only ever took them off to shower and magically they all disappeared at the same time. My gran insists she left them on a shelf while she went to shower the staff insisted she didn't and must have hidden them which was bizarre...anyhow my mum got poa and whatever else was needed and she now lives with my parents for almost 2 years now. The police were about as useful as a cake with no flour. Took reports, saw the pictures of all the jewellery being worn on various pictures, interviewed staff but nothing came of it. Insurance gave my gran some money back but the sentiment was more to her than anything being from my grandad. So sorry yes I can see the benefit of selling or giving to a family member to look after so carers don't steal them but don't understand why your brother took the money

What a horrible thing to have happened. Im not sure you can do anything if your mum has capacity but i would consider speaking to social services as she could be a vulnerable adult at risk.

First thing to come to mind,are you sure your uncle didn't take them?

OP has the LPA been activated ? If so, you need to report any irregularities you find to the OPG, as your brothers’ actions will be in breach of it and may implicate you as the other attorney if you don’t. If it hasn’t been activated so far then maybe talk to your mum about doing so now, before she loses capacity. This will give her some protection going forward, but check the arrangements for decision making to ensure your brother can’t make decisions alone.

My brother and I had some spectacular rows but he wasn’t a thieving cheapskate.

Carers? Sounds like he ls stealing from her by stealth

You both have POA so your brother should have involved you in the sale of your mothers goods.
if he has turned up with extra cash to buy goods for himself, sure as eggs is eggs he is claiming benefits for your mum without your knowledge and using his bank details to receive the money.
check with benefits what she is down as claiming, depending on her age, pension, pension credit, pip, dla or has someone down as being a carer.
you’d be surprised how many do this! This will come back to bite you once mums gone if she has not needed these benefits, even if she wasn’t aware.

Elder abuse.
Keep close to your mum and keep an eye on the will.
If she has a house, your brother will be eyeing that up already.

The most recent will is the only one that counts.

Good question @AutumnLover1989 - perhaps your uncle stole the jewellery @Rayqueen2026when he put your gran in care ☹️

Why did your brother take the money? Does your Mum know how much he has taken. Elderly parents often seem to bribe prodigal offspring, with gifts and money without realising they are being abused. Check out the statements and then decide a course of action.

Not ok, and he wouldn’t have got a great price at a high st place either.

Sounds like financial abuse by your brother against him mum in my opinion. Had he convinced her to sell it for her own benefit, that is one thing but to pocket the money himself.....shameful.

Elder abuse & financial abuse.

So your mum saw the news re price of gold and asked db to sell? Sure it was that way around? He’s not suggested it or sold it and told her after?
What did she tell him to do with the money?
Did you express concern to your mum?

Make a fuss now, or you might regret it. My uncle kept all the jewellery and anything of value and took most of the money by being the executor. My mum was meant to get the jewellery and some other things, no jewellery it went to his wife. My mum won't confront him, I am trying not to speak to him as she won't let me say anything. She so hurt. Don't let that be you. Your brother has given you the heads up that he's out to get the money, so tell your mum that you would have loved to keep the ring as a remembrance of her and if she needed the money you would have helped her out. It will come out that your brother kept the money and that might make her see things more clearly. You could offer to get her a safe for jewelry. I'd keep the key.