Brother sold mum's wedding ring

[goudacheese]

My mum in her late 80s mentioned to me last week that gold prices are high. I didn't think much of it and then I have just found out from her that my brother took her to the local jewellers at the weekend and sold her wedding ring plus another couple of gold items pocketing himself over a grand.
Mum has justified doing this by saying that the ring was too big and might be stollen by carers.
Im pretty certain the ring is bequeathed to me in her will and although I haven't given it much thought I always imagined it would be a keepsake. My brother got my late dad's jewellery when he died.
I just feel I should have been included in any plans so we could have discussed it. I appreciate its mum's ring to do as she wishes but I think my brother could have put the brakes on and spoken to me first.

I don't think it's financial abuse. I think mum saw the news re gold prices and thought she must sell the gold quickly so asked my brother to help her as she knew I was busy on Saturday. He should have taken a step back but grabbed the opportunity to make a quick buck.
If mum had asked me, which might well have happened, I would have involved my brother and I wouldn't want to sell the ring and would suggest putting it in a safe.

Of course it's financial abuse if he's just pocketing the money for himself!! It's HER jewellery. It's not like he helped her sell it and then paid the money into her bank account.

Grabbing the opportunity to make a quick buck off your mum is the financial abuse. It was her money and she should have kept it and decided for herself how or if to distribute it.

It sounds like coercive abuse, she could have just put the ring into safekeeping 🤷‍♀️

I would be discussing this idea for any other valuables she still has.

Financial abuse. Not sure what you can do about it if he and your mum are close though.

He needs to be reported to the OPG and removed from POA. As she ages, he will step up this financial abuse.

Yes; it could have gone to OP for safekeeping. Brother has sold it purely for gain.

Of course it’s financial abuse. Read the PoA rules - he has a legal obligation to act in your mums best interest at all times, thus the funds should have gone to her.

If he’s also got a new van and you think he’s potentially taking further funds for himself, you must report him immediately to the OPG. [email protected]

Yep.

He probably had been drip dripping about carers stealing and then gold prices and then the stars aligned for him , he pocketed her money, how is that not financial abuse ?

What a scum bag. It definitely is financial and probably coercive abuse. Its mums wedding ring, why has he pocketed the money? I’d be giving dear brother a wide berth and thinking about whether it’s wise to have you both named on mums POA.

I have an uncle who "pursuaded" his elderly parent to buy their council flat in the 90s, that was signed over to him, he is now in his 80s and i still can't look at him,

My mum had a cousin a bit like this. When her mum went into a home she used to have ask him for the rent every month because he somehow managed to get my nan to give him her £50k savings to ‘look after’ before she went into the home. It was eventually returned when he was asked why he had taken control of her money anyway. Unlikely the interest he earned came back with it.

Hmm my sister imagines I did this, and tells this story to anyone who stands still long enough. She also imagines I stole some old (horrible) bedsheets 😂

In reality my Mum wanted to sell her jewellery and I took her and Mum kept the money for herself.

I sold some of my own at the same time.

If you mother wanted to sell gold for money she would have held onto the money.

If you are named as a POA and its not active you need to have a conversation with your DM.

With a active POA you will have a legal obligation to safeguard her money. That will involve only spending money when it is in her best interest. Clearly her selling personal assets and transferring the money to someone else is not in her best interest and will be seen as financial abuse. If you are not willing or not able to stop your B from taking DMs money you should not take on the role of POA.

If it is active you need to get legal advice as B may be directly engaged in a criminal act and your failure to act could result in you being charged as well.

I would feel very upset if this had happened with my mum. My late mum’s wedding and engagement rings are among my most treasured possessions and although I don’t wear her wedding ring, it gives me comfort having it, knowing it was very precious to her. If this had happened to me, I would buy the ring back from whichever shop had bought it.

I think your brother is unreasonable to keep the money. But you are unreasonable to say the ring is given to you in the will and therefore you should be involved. It’s not your ring.

Sounds like you're disappointed that you didn't think of it first!

How has HE pocketed the money?

That should be in your mother's bank account

“It’s not financial abuse”

Yes, it is. You don’t sound all that great yourself though so…

I would be very upset if that happened.
Irrespective of monetary value of ring, it carries huge sentimental value.
Your brother should not have done this

It sounds like financial abuse to me.

It’s only financial abuse if he’s coerced her into giving it to him, or stolen it.

If Mum says ‘go sell my gold, keep the cash’ it’s literally a gift.

OP doesn’t indicate that Mum has diminished capacity. Not all elderly people are living with dementia. Many are as sharp as a whip until the day they die.

The POA is a red herring. It has to be established whilst the individual is capable of agreeing to it, but isn’t generally active until capability diminishes. Even then people can have fluctuating capacity.

OPs brother certainly doesn’t come across as a pleasant individual from his sister point of view, however being the golden child isn’t a crime.

I was raised by my grandparents and as they got older my grandmother gifted her jewellery out to the family I got her engagement ring and a bracelet and honestly I could not have a penny to my name but I would never sell those items they mean too much to me I am sorry your Mum and Brother have done this there’s somethings that are far more important than money

Tell your Mum you're really fed up of her preference for your DB. Let her know how you feel and tell him as well.