Brother sold mum's wedding ring

[goudacheese]

My mum in her late 80s mentioned to me last week that gold prices are high. I didn't think much of it and then I have just found out from her that my brother took her to the local jewellers at the weekend and sold her wedding ring plus another couple of gold items pocketing himself over a grand.
Mum has justified doing this by saying that the ring was too big and might be stollen by carers.
Im pretty certain the ring is bequeathed to me in her will and although I haven't given it much thought I always imagined it would be a keepsake. My brother got my late dad's jewellery when he died.
I just feel I should have been included in any plans so we could have discussed it. I appreciate its mum's ring to do as she wishes but I think my brother could have put the brakes on and spoken to me first.

Its her ring, she can sell it if she wants to! Just because the daughter wanted it, doesn't mean it should go to her!.

Thats literally theft. The mother is mentally competent, and everything belongs to HER. Her things aren't just OP's future inheritance. The mom can do whatever she wants with her belongings. Including sell everything.

I’m not so sure this is financial abuse.

Plenty of parents favour one child, and will gift them money, time and understanding over what they are prepared to offer to their other child and I can’t imagine there is a cut off point for that.

The OP gives the impression that this has always been the dynamic and her mother being 80 doesn’t now render that dynamic abuse.

At no point in my comment did I say that the Daughter should have it or that her Mother couldn’t sell it.

Your brother is taking advantage of your elderly mother. Surely you can see this!

If OP knew the ring was willed to her, did brother? If so, I'd be concerned and angry.
If mum is so well off why on earth does she need to rush and sell her jewellry?
If she is of sound mind why was she so easily agreeable to her son's suggestion?
People Women on MN seem to fall all over themselves not to appear greedy when it comes to their parents' wills and siblings greed.

OP should speak to her mother:
Mum, I have to admit I'm hurt that you sold the ring. It was worth far more to me than money. I would have cherished it and the memories that it represented.

Find out exactly how the topic came up.

Lay it out that Brother is manipulative and greedy and always has been; that I'm concerned you are easily lead as he has always manipulated you.

Ask mum to update her will noting what has already been given and ask for an in kind gift now for balance.

Let's call a spade a spade. OP will be posting about her DB having taken the whole estate in advance of her mum's passing, or find the will was changed substantially without her knowledge leaving her much less.

Get legal advice, too.

Upsetting, but not much you can do about this- it's your Mum's decision.

Another thread where the OP doesn't tell her mother directly how she feels.

OP indicated that she and her brother have lasting power of attorney for her mum. If that LPA is active then her brother is in breach of it, and so is OP for not reporting any concerns to the office of the public guardian, who oversee LPAs. an LPA specifies that the attorneys must not profit from any decision they make or encourage the donor to make, and whether or not their mum is of sound mind is irrelevant - the brother saw an opportunity to make money and took it. I asked OP upthread whether the LPA was active and she hasn’t replied. I suspect it was activated when it was registered, as the OPG recommend, and OP knows it, and in that event they are both implicated. Her brother for acting illegally, and OP for not reporting it.

Is it not simply too late to do anything about?

Mum gave me her and Dads rings before she went into care. It is true that patients can be stolen from, in our case it was the young cleaner who took cards, jewellery and cash from wallets and she was caught and filmed by an atm trying to make withdrawals.

so your mum didn’t have to sell and if your brother was genuinely concerned, he could have placed her ring somewhere safe at home.

I think your brother is cunning. I’m sure your nephew would know more… my cousin gets all the gos’ from her grandsons as to the x hubbys family doings.

Financial abuse all day long.

@goudacheese

https://www.ageuk.org.uk/information-advice/health-wellbeing/relationships-family/protection-from-abuse/financial-abuse/

I think you need to call adult social services and report this as it sounds like financial advise. If he’s taken 10k for a van then he needs to declare this and pay 20% tax on this !
maybe it’s worth paying a third party to have POA ? But if you get copies of her statements and report big transfers I think safeguarding will be interested

I would ask my brother outright about the money pointing out that he got dad’s jewellery and did he not think mums would be mine? I’d then ask why he took the money for himself!!
I’d tell him that you will be handing bank statements to the adult protection team.. the £10k fo a van is very suss!!

OP and her brother already have POA jointly. If it’s been activated both DB and OP are in breach of it. DB for financially benefiting from the sale, and OP for not reporting It.

I've spoken to mum and it transpires they also took mum's engagement ring to the jewellers but my brother decided 'out of kindness' that I should have this ring so it's now safely in my jewellery box. I think the jeweller probably didn't want it so how kind of him! (not)
I asked mum why he kept the money and she said he has lots of expenses as his kids are teenagers but I replied that's the same for all of us ( I won't get anywhere with that one!) I've also seen the Will and its all fair, third split between me, brother and grandchildren. The jewellery isn't mentioned.
I'm going to phone Hourglass tomorrow and get their advice.

She can do what she likes with her ring but the money should go to her. If she doesn't need the money then it should be split between you and brother equally. I'd keep an eye on him.

i agree. My SIL was stripping away valuable items from her parents house prior MIL’s death. When it came time to sort out the household items, none of what was previously removed was returned nor a list provided.

She took a newly purchased refrigerator for one of her adult children. We only found out as we were visiting and allowed to stay in the house. Fridge gone so we had nowhere to put our cold groceries we had bought for our stay.

MIL was in care and had no idea. SIL’s excuse was I told her we were staying elsewhere (glared at me while she said it too) so she got told. But it was never returned.