To have snapped and pissed off DH in front of his parents

[JoanJettsBlackheads]

DH becomes like another person when his parents are with us. He was brought up in a very traditional household with his Dad as the breadwinner and his Mum as a SAHM and then housewife (she has never really worked since she got married). In contrast to us, I have always hugely out earned DH, but his parents were never aware of this and simply assumed I had a “little job.”

So when we are with them, DH likes to perpetuate this myth, eg saying that my boss “let me” go to Paris with him to “help” him while he was negotiating a deal. The reality is that I am the main negotiator. DH also likes to portray me as a bit dim, ditsy and clumsy. He was going to town on this when they came over for dinner this week, telling his parents how I’d smashed a bottle of wine (true), left something in a taxi that he’d had to run after to get back (not true), plus a whole list of other things which were embellished. He then patted my arm and said “But you can’t help being clumsy and not very bright, can you? You have other qualities!”

I snapped at that point and said to him “If I’m that fucking stupid, why do I earn five times what you do?” He just sat there not saying anything, his parents made their excuses and left, but his Dad did ask me, as he was leaving, if it was true. I said it was, and he just said, good on you, I’m proud of you.

We had a huge row when they had left, and he’s now sulking and not speaking to me. I’m not apologising, and he can fuck off as far as I’m concerned. He usually just implies that I have a “little job” and that he is Billy Big Bollocks, and I bite my tongue, but the other night was just a long diatribe on how thick and useless I am. Not sure what I want from this thread or where we go from here but I just wanted to get it off my chest.

Sounds like his dad is a decent guy and has realised his son is a bit of a loser (not because he earns less but bigs himself up.) How is your everyday life? Is he very different with his parents or is he always rude to you?

Sounds extremely far fetched for even the most stupid man. I’d hazard a guess that 50% of threads on this never happened in RL.

Serves him right. He sounds like a prick

Good for you. But it's a shame his parents have perpetuated this absurd sexist situation where the only way their son thinks he can get respect from them is by pretending to be rich and successful.

While you allegedly sit on the sidelines looking pretty, cleaning and doing your nails. When you're not leaving things in taxis or dropping wine bottles?!

Why couldn't he just say you've both got good careers? (Even if in his case it's a white lie possibly) But at least it doesn't involve insulting your abilities or character. Why is your loss his gain?

Both him and his parents need to change their attitude. And people shouldn't be defined as necessarily more intelligent just because they earn more money.

I think troll hunting id banned, im not sure, but i do think you’re supposed to report and not derail threads troll hunting, if you don’t believe it, report it.

You are being beyond passive about this. And I have no idea why you didn’t mention it the first time he belittled you in front of his parents. What an utter cunt. He sounds utterly awful and I have no idea, none at all, why you have stayed with him.

Or NOT SO UNDERNEATH at all?
Good for you OP! What a horrible attitude you "D"H has towards you! He more than deserved you snapping!

His parents must be so embarrassed to know that that's how he thinks you treat a woman.

Perhaps they are wondering if he thinks that's how his dad should be able to treat his mum. Worse even, because she didn't even have a little lady job.

They must be so disappointed in him. Because despite perhapsodelling good behaviour, they have a shithead for a son.

Do you want to grow old with this man? Do you want him to be the only man you have sex with?

I think you could do better

Very good OP, but to be a true Mumsnetter you ought to have snapped and farted.

Just another well done here. Not very bright? He can fuck aaaaaaall the way off and into the bin.

You'd have been madly unreasonable not to. I think you were very restrained; I would have asked his parents to take their inadequate man baby home with them when they left.

This is all about your DH not measuring up to his Dad isn’t it? Your DH knows you measure up to your FIL and that’s why he’s belittling you, your FIL now knows too. I suspect FIL won’t hear any more nonsense now he knows the truth, he’ll probably want to know more about your successes and I bet he’s genuinely proud. Your DH on the other hand, he can have my first LTB.

Very similar. He makes out that I’m the assistant to the CEO. I’m the COO. You Google my name and it comes up.

You were driven to that...serves him right. Glad you stuck up for yourself

Why have you never corrected him when he gives the wrong job title to people? I really just don’t understand why you sat there while he did this, all this time.

Your husband is an insecure little twat. How dare he undermine you like that?

What an absolute bellend. I hope you're reconsidering your marriage.

Thank goodness you said it!! His mum and dad need to know that, and he needs to stop his charade

I didn’t mention it before because it was just the odd little dig. He’s never just gone on and on like he did this time. I’ve messaged him and suggested that we have a talk this evening. If he’s still refusing to speak to me, he can go to the house in the country (that he hates) and do something productive there, like strip the walls.

Question: Why the fuck is he angry given that he has consistently lied and misrepresented you, his wife, for years?

Your husband has, I'm afraid, become not a nice man.

Can he take you to the cleaners if you divorce? Because he's all wounded pride in himself and no decency right now.

Please take a really good look at him.

This is brilliant - thought it was going to be another post about bad PILs - your FIL sound great but H is an arse - never allow it again- he should be proud of you

You know, thinking about it, either he will take a long look at himself and apologise and start to grow up, or he will be revealed as a woman hater. I don't think that's too strong.

He should be proud of you. Partners. Instead he's simmering resentment and insecurity - and instead of dealing with it, he's trying to tear you down.

😆😆

Op, well done for standing up for yourself. If your dh learns from this and ends up like your fil, things may turn out ok 💐

It’s no excuse but I think your dh is feeling massively self-conscious about being the lower earner, especially in front of people who matter to him. It doesn’t excuse him lying and behaving like an arse though 😡

To resolve this, he needs to apologise sincerely and massively and present you with a huge bunch of flowers and admit to treating you horribly.

He must apologise, not you!

That negging is so unnecessary. Anyone would snap at some point. And naturally now he's making himself the victim even though he's in the wrong. What an arse.