To have snapped and pissed off DH in front of his parents

[JoanJettsBlackheads]

DH becomes like another person when his parents are with us. He was brought up in a very traditional household with his Dad as the breadwinner and his Mum as a SAHM and then housewife (she has never really worked since she got married). In contrast to us, I have always hugely out earned DH, but his parents were never aware of this and simply assumed I had a “little job.”

So when we are with them, DH likes to perpetuate this myth, eg saying that my boss “let me” go to Paris with him to “help” him while he was negotiating a deal. The reality is that I am the main negotiator. DH also likes to portray me as a bit dim, ditsy and clumsy. He was going to town on this when they came over for dinner this week, telling his parents how I’d smashed a bottle of wine (true), left something in a taxi that he’d had to run after to get back (not true), plus a whole list of other things which were embellished. He then patted my arm and said “But you can’t help being clumsy and not very bright, can you? You have other qualities!”

I snapped at that point and said to him “If I’m that fucking stupid, why do I earn five times what you do?” He just sat there not saying anything, his parents made their excuses and left, but his Dad did ask me, as he was leaving, if it was true. I said it was, and he just said, good on you, I’m proud of you.

We had a huge row when they had left, and he’s now sulking and not speaking to me. I’m not apologising, and he can fuck off as far as I’m concerned. He usually just implies that I have a “little job” and that he is Billy Big Bollocks, and I bite my tongue, but the other night was just a long diatribe on how thick and useless I am. Not sure what I want from this thread or where we go from here but I just wanted to get it off my chest.

'but the other night was just a long diatribe on how thick and useless I am'

This is so disrespectful. Even if you did have a job where you earnt less or did less hours, that doesn't mean you'd deserve to be viewed or represented to others like this.

As you said that he is modelling his parents' relationship - is this how his father talks about his wife? Is this how your husband views his own mother in comparison to his father?

How does he actually view you?

I couldn't stay with someone who viewed me like this. He is meant to be your biggest fan and cheerleader.

He’s an absolute prick

This!
Your husband owes YOU an apology!
How dare he put you down everytime his parents come round!
I wouldn’t be apologising either but I would be telling him that he was totally out of order making up shit to make you look stupid and tell him you’re sick to death of him putting you down and pretending your job is nothing!
Tell him to stop sulking like a 5 year old and take some accountability for talking to you like a piece of shit!

Christ do people really look up OP’s previous posts?! WHY?
I honestly couldn’t be bothered to start reading through old posts and pulling people up on it… people must lead dull lives.
i’d rather just take posts at face value. And if I don’t believe OP’s I just scroll past and don’t comment

This "new" persona of yourself IN THE PRESENCE of his parents needs needed to be portrayed over a period. This new persona has come to him as an abrupt shock and I'm also shocked that you've let your "old" personal fester for so ling. I'm proud that DH's father spoke appreciatingly. There is hope: Patience is now needed!! Good luck. ❤

Isn't being taken in by and getting invested in a troll thread just a massive waste of time too? People who make up stories on the internet must have very dull lives.

It doesn't take that long to look up previous posts.

Good for you 👍🏻

"Getting invested" is a you problem. It's also weird. Most people are here for their own entertainment, they log on because they're bored or have nothing else to do. I doubt anyone is logging on with the thought to see who needs support today, then feeling taken for a ride if they've offered support to what turns out to be a troll. If that's what you're doing then sort your own shit out so that you don't feel obligated to log onto an internet forum and fix random people's lives for them, then you won't feel taken for granted if they're fake. Troll hunting isn't allowed. You want to look up previous posts go ahead. But ripping people apart because they've altered details on a previous post to maintain anonymity, or they've posted for someone else or whatever, isn't ok. Threads getting derailed by troll hunters is tedious.

I honestly wouldn’t care enough to start stalking old posts!
Like I said - if I don’t believe someone I just scroll to the next post.
Why jump to conclusions about OP’s…. We all know people bend the truth on here to hide their identity anyway…. So the situations are often not 100% accurate anyway!
like I said .. I’d rather take each post at face value, even if they’re fake they’re entertaining at times !
But you do you…

I didn’t even think about checking out older posts but my mumsnetty 20 year senses were tingling. Cheers 😆🥂

I am glad they do. Trolling for an audience is pathetic. I said it on pg2. Never thought of checking the history.

I hope that you can save your marriage after tbis otherwise you'll be paying alimony to that loser.

Better now than in five years time when she'll have to pay more when she's got a bigger pension and the house equities have increased.

I really hope the OP is still reading the sensible posts and hasn't been chased off. The report button is there for a reason and if the thread remains that is an answer from MNHQ.

There is no alimony in the UK. There's spousal maintenance and it's rarely awarded except in very specific circumstances. So let's hope OP gets rid of this dipshit ASAP because the sooner she does it, the less it will cost her.

What a prick, he has been let away with this too long. Pull him up everytime he tries to put you down or belittle you in front of people.

How does his parent not know what you do for your job? Surely you must have conversations with them yourself & chat about your work etc? Your DH Dad seems to understand what his Son If like & what he's been doing & your little outbreak has confirmed it to him. I don't understand how you've let this go on for so long without pulling him up on it.

Huh, my in laws have known me over 30 years, they know the company I work for, I certainly don’t sit and discuss my work with them, why on earth would I do that, they wouldn’t understand it, have nothing of value to add and quite frankly I’ve no desire to sit and discuss my work with them. I find the thought process we all go running to our in-laws to discuss our work quite baffling.

My in-laws knew exactly what I did, I didnt go running to them telling them but we were close family and were interested in what each other was up to. My parents are the same with my DH. I don't find it 'baffling' that some people dont have that relationship with their in-laws, to me its a bit strange as I cannot imagine not being interested in my DILs work or life but everyone is different though. Its not a huge stretch to think that some families are close.