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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have snapped and pissed off DH in front of his parents

544 replies

JoanJettsBlackheads · 06/02/2026 15:06

DH becomes like another person when his parents are with us. He was brought up in a very traditional household with his Dad as the breadwinner and his Mum as a SAHM and then housewife (she has never really worked since she got married). In contrast to us, I have always hugely out earned DH, but his parents were never aware of this and simply assumed I had a “little job.”

So when we are with them, DH likes to perpetuate this myth, eg saying that my boss “let me” go to Paris with him to “help” him while he was negotiating a deal. The reality is that I am the main negotiator. DH also likes to portray me as a bit dim, ditsy and clumsy. He was going to town on this when they came over for dinner this week, telling his parents how I’d smashed a bottle of wine (true), left something in a taxi that he’d had to run after to get back (not true), plus a whole list of other things which were embellished. He then patted my arm and said “But you can’t help being clumsy and not very bright, can you? You have other qualities!”

I snapped at that point and said to him “If I’m that fucking stupid, why do I earn five times what you do?” He just sat there not saying anything, his parents made their excuses and left, but his Dad did ask me, as he was leaving, if it was true. I said it was, and he just said, good on you, I’m proud of you.

We had a huge row when they had left, and he’s now sulking and not speaking to me. I’m not apologising, and he can fuck off as far as I’m concerned. He usually just implies that I have a “little job” and that he is Billy Big Bollocks, and I bite my tongue, but the other night was just a long diatribe on how thick and useless I am. Not sure what I want from this thread or where we go from here but I just wanted to get it off my chest.

OP posts:
Dozycuntlaters · 06/02/2026 15:34

Good for you. What an absolute prick. I hope he feels as embarrassed as hell and I like the way his dad said he was proud of you. What a silly little man, that would give me the right ick.

ChalkOrCheese · 06/02/2026 15:35

His parents must be horrified.

Can you imagine running a "traditional" household, where presumably his parents actually respect eachothers contributions, only to watch your son repeatedly putting down his wife when she is both the main breadwinner and presumably runs the household, while he perpetuates a myth that it's a similar set up to his own upbringing?

But I'm with you and his dad, good on you. And BTW, he wasn't just asking good on you for your salary, he was saying good on you for standing up for yourself and telling his son off for his poor behaviour.

Why do these dickhead men sometimes have such nice parents!? The kind yous love as inlaws if only you didn't have to marry their twatty offspring.

beAsensible1 · 06/02/2026 15:35

I’m actually gobsmacked that he said that about to anyone. Let alone in front of you. That is more than playing it up that just being insulting.

blurting it out probably wasn’t the best but needs must. The charade was stupid and has gone on for far too long. Just be yourselves I’d apologise for swearing and shouting. Not for telling the truth.

he needs to get a backbone and not be ashamed that you’re accomplished he should be bloody proud.

jeaux90 · 06/02/2026 15:35

Wow I would tear my partner a new one if he did that. What he needs to do next is apologise to you and fucking stop it.

Imdunfer · 06/02/2026 15:36

The apology would have to be huge and last for a very long time and the behaviour would have to stop and never come back. And when his parents weren't around he would have to have been great company and a great lover up to this point.

And even then I'm not quite sure I could get over this one, since you obviously wouldn't have any trouble supporting yourself if you split up.

I hope things work out well for you.

InBedBy10 · 06/02/2026 15:36

He builds himself up by putting you down. That's a problem that needs to be addressed.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 06/02/2026 15:36

I am always doubtful about these types of threads unless of course your husband has some sort of delusional personality problem, is this behaviour new? Has he acted like this before and got away with it? How long are you married? How has his parents no idea about what you do? Do you work for the same company?

ChalkOrCheese · 06/02/2026 15:37

He puts you down to make himself feel good.

That's literally the opposite of what you need in a partner. Please try really.hard to think about that. He doesn't see you as a team at all.

Skybluepinky · 06/02/2026 15:37

Your hubby has massive issues no idea why he thinks his parents would care who earns what!

sundaysurfing · 06/02/2026 15:37

You’re amazing!!!!! Love it!

StickerGirl · 06/02/2026 15:39

Well done OP! I am literally applauding you over here.

What on earth can your DH say he has the right to be annoyed about, aside from being caught out as a lying idiot.

Crushed23 · 06/02/2026 15:39

Send him back to mummy and daddy.

He has no business being in a relationship with a grown woman.

Dontlletmedownbruce · 06/02/2026 15:39

I'm not sure if his traditional upbringing has anything to do with this. Any decent man who is a breadwinner and fully supports a wife respects what she does. I know some older men in my family often comment on how their wives are the clever ones behind the scenes and they would be lost without them. Demeaning you and implying you are stupid has nothing to do with whether you work or not because it's irrelevant. He is simply a man that is trying to put you down. I'm surprised you let him imply these things historically without correcting him.

UnbeatenMum · 06/02/2026 15:40

His parents are probably embarrassed by how he speaks to you.

Notsosweetcaroline · 06/02/2026 15:40

I can’t beleive he made up shit about you like the taxi, So straight out lied, then called you not very bright. It’s so utterly offensive. And now he’s sulking.

i wonder if he’s that misogynistic in the work place. Would explain why his career didn’t take off. I’d bet good money at homes not the only place he lives in this alternate reality.

DandyCrab · 06/02/2026 15:41

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gamerchick · 06/02/2026 15:41

Well done. Probably should have been done a long time ago.

Your husband has issues with you being the breadwinner. You probably need a good heart to heart to clear the air or it'll eat away. But for now I'd let the daft twat sulk. If you want to stay with him that is.

JustAnotherWhinger · 06/02/2026 15:42

JoanJettsBlackheads · 06/02/2026 15:17

The thing is, for a long time, we earned roughly equal amounts, and then about 10 years ago, my career took off. He went from not really mentioning this, except to say that I had changed jobs, to portraying me as some kind of simpleton, in front of his parents, I think to make himself out to be some kind of alpha male like his Dad. I’ve asked him before why he does it, he says he’s just joking, and I’ve told him I don’t find it funny. But the other night was something else, he just went on and on and on. I’m just going to let him simmer for now, while I think about what to do next.

It's very telling that his portrayal of you changed as you earned more - he's threatened by it and takes that out on you in front of his parents as he, rightly for a long time, assumed you wouldn't bite back.

It sounds like he's nothing like his dad, despite his efforts. It sounds like his parents have a tradition but respectful relationship with each other.

Your FIL was clearly not impressed by his son

Notsosweetcaroline · 06/02/2026 15:42

EmeraldShamrock000 · 06/02/2026 15:36

I am always doubtful about these types of threads unless of course your husband has some sort of delusional personality problem, is this behaviour new? Has he acted like this before and got away with it? How long are you married? How has his parents no idea about what you do? Do you work for the same company?

I’m sure his parents know what she does but not how much she earns. I mean do your in-laws know your respective salaries. And most people can’t guess someone’s salary unless in the industry and even then difficult.

Breadcat24 · 06/02/2026 15:42

The fact that your FIL says Good on you means that all this traditional family stuff is just bollocks.
Your husband feels inadequate and enjoys putting you down.
Frankly unless he agrees that this belittling behaviour stops now I really do not see why you would want to be with him

Crushed23 · 06/02/2026 15:42

It’s one thing to mention an embarrassing story (dropping the wine), although it’s still mean, but to continually LIE and embellish to make himself look good is absolutely appalling.

Sorry OP but this is unforgivable, and unless he has a diamond dick and you’ve never known sexual satisfaction like it, you should be making plans to throw him out ASAP.

Dontlletmedownbruce · 06/02/2026 15:44

chunkyBoo · 06/02/2026 15:11

I’m also the breadwinner in our house, I’d tear my DH a new one too if he tried that on with me!

It wouldn't be OK whether you are breadwinner or not surely! Who brings what home isn't relevant, no one should belittle their partner in any circumstances.

Eviangeica · 06/02/2026 15:44

I was married to someone like this. My career was soaring and he used to put me down like this to his family and friends. I divorced him in the end after one memorable Christmas with his family where he made out I was a PA to the Director of a Service. I WAS the Director of a Service in a different LA to where we lived, I passed my phone around the table that night showing the press release 6 months earlier when I came into post. He sulked, he shouted, he was “only joking”, I “couldn't take a joke”, he was right, I couldn’t take his “joke” when I’d worked my arse off to further my career. The joke was on him when I started divorce proceedings the following January. He was an insecure twat.

Sorry, posted too soon. OP my advice is put a stop this behaviour from him now, don’t be me and put up with this shit for years.

Notsosweetcaroline · 06/02/2026 15:45

Op, I’m not sure he’s threatened by your success. More it holds a mirror up to his lack of success. His lack of progression. And he resents it, as he thinks he’s the more capable person. That’s whay he’s thinking behind his eyes, he’s better than you and he should be the high earner not you. He just got too cosy in believing that shite and his mouth ran away with him as he warmed to his theme.

godmum56 · 06/02/2026 15:45

I have got one question

What took you so long?

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