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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have snapped and pissed off DH in front of his parents

544 replies

JoanJettsBlackheads · 06/02/2026 15:06

DH becomes like another person when his parents are with us. He was brought up in a very traditional household with his Dad as the breadwinner and his Mum as a SAHM and then housewife (she has never really worked since she got married). In contrast to us, I have always hugely out earned DH, but his parents were never aware of this and simply assumed I had a “little job.”

So when we are with them, DH likes to perpetuate this myth, eg saying that my boss “let me” go to Paris with him to “help” him while he was negotiating a deal. The reality is that I am the main negotiator. DH also likes to portray me as a bit dim, ditsy and clumsy. He was going to town on this when they came over for dinner this week, telling his parents how I’d smashed a bottle of wine (true), left something in a taxi that he’d had to run after to get back (not true), plus a whole list of other things which were embellished. He then patted my arm and said “But you can’t help being clumsy and not very bright, can you? You have other qualities!”

I snapped at that point and said to him “If I’m that fucking stupid, why do I earn five times what you do?” He just sat there not saying anything, his parents made their excuses and left, but his Dad did ask me, as he was leaving, if it was true. I said it was, and he just said, good on you, I’m proud of you.

We had a huge row when they had left, and he’s now sulking and not speaking to me. I’m not apologising, and he can fuck off as far as I’m concerned. He usually just implies that I have a “little job” and that he is Billy Big Bollocks, and I bite my tongue, but the other night was just a long diatribe on how thick and useless I am. Not sure what I want from this thread or where we go from here but I just wanted to get it off my chest.

OP posts:
Swimmer123 · 07/02/2026 19:49

Your husband is a disrespectful little weenie. Good for you, finally giving him what for.

gardenflowergirl · 07/02/2026 20:02

I'm with you, don't apologise. And tell him that behaviour won't be tolerated again.

Redragtoabull · 07/02/2026 20:11

What other endearing qualities does this child have?

Nottodaythanksforplaying · 07/02/2026 20:14

Has anyone offered you an alibi yet, a shovel or assistance in disposal? Happy to offer myself for all of the above!

woolandflowers · 07/02/2026 20:21

DH sounds very threatened by your career an achievements OP, but this is unkind and unacceptable behaviour from him. You deserve kindness and to be celebrated. Sounds like FIL also doesn’t think too highly of his son either if he reacted that way! That’s quite telling.

Bayou2000 · 07/02/2026 20:33

I find anyone saying anything about anyone’s intelligence the height of disrespect.
I don’t think I could get over this..

echt · 07/02/2026 20:36

Calliopespa · 07/02/2026 18:10

I think I feel similarly op.

I knew exactly the sorts of responses you would get on here, because it's MN.

But, back in the real world, I would say he was unequivocally in the wrong to treat you in such a disparaging way, especially if you had already told him how you felt about that.

BUT you kind of went nuclear and totally humiliated him. I know posters on here often applaud that, but I can't help but feel there was a more subtle way of doing it: "I'm not sure it's fair to make me out as useless; we both know my job responsibilities and what I earn" would have done the trick shut him up without being quite so specific. I don't really see the need to reference his salary. You don't need to humiliate someone else to protect your own dignity and two wrongs don't make a right.

Sorry, I know that will run against the grain and spoil the mood ...

ETA But in any case, his behaviour to you and yours in response suggest to me you actually hate each other and it's over anyway.

Edited

The OP has endured many instances of her DH's behaviour in front of his parents, including lying about her. She has told him about this and he counters with the bully's response - it's a joke.

She's done all the polite face-saving (his face) tactics.

Sometimes you have to fight fire with fire.

Surgz · 07/02/2026 20:38

Oo good for you.. and your father in law sounds like a good un too. Obviously thought his son was being a dick towards you. Hopefully your bloke will stop being a twat now its all out in the open

Windday · 07/02/2026 20:48

He has repeatedly lied to his family about the financial reality of their marriage.

He is a liar. I cannot fathom sitting year in year out while my husband disrespected me, insulted my intelligence, told his parents I was ditzy, all the while sitting silently taking it.

Nor do I know any women that would.
The OP has spectacularly low self esteem to have tolerated this.

She snapped.
The real question is how/why she didn't snap sooner.

Summerhut2025 · 07/02/2026 20:54

JoanJettsBlackheads · 06/02/2026 15:06

DH becomes like another person when his parents are with us. He was brought up in a very traditional household with his Dad as the breadwinner and his Mum as a SAHM and then housewife (she has never really worked since she got married). In contrast to us, I have always hugely out earned DH, but his parents were never aware of this and simply assumed I had a “little job.”

So when we are with them, DH likes to perpetuate this myth, eg saying that my boss “let me” go to Paris with him to “help” him while he was negotiating a deal. The reality is that I am the main negotiator. DH also likes to portray me as a bit dim, ditsy and clumsy. He was going to town on this when they came over for dinner this week, telling his parents how I’d smashed a bottle of wine (true), left something in a taxi that he’d had to run after to get back (not true), plus a whole list of other things which were embellished. He then patted my arm and said “But you can’t help being clumsy and not very bright, can you? You have other qualities!”

I snapped at that point and said to him “If I’m that fucking stupid, why do I earn five times what you do?” He just sat there not saying anything, his parents made their excuses and left, but his Dad did ask me, as he was leaving, if it was true. I said it was, and he just said, good on you, I’m proud of you.

We had a huge row when they had left, and he’s now sulking and not speaking to me. I’m not apologising, and he can fuck off as far as I’m concerned. He usually just implies that I have a “little job” and that he is Billy Big Bollocks, and I bite my tongue, but the other night was just a long diatribe on how thick and useless I am. Not sure what I want from this thread or where we go from here but I just wanted to get it off my chest.

Fucking brilliant! I hope he’s got a big dick OP for being totally useless and thick in all other departments! 🤣
Clearly his dad has always resented his role as the only earner in the household and good on him for congratulating you, he’s a good n 👍

Summerhut2025 · 07/02/2026 20:57

AnnaMagnani · 06/02/2026 15:12

I can't believe you haven't murdered him years ago.

🤣👌

Jack80 · 07/02/2026 21:04

Good for you, he should be proud of his wife

FairFuming · 07/02/2026 21:14

It sounds like you've worked very hard to get where you are and he's passed jealous and gone to resentful. I'm not sure I could get past my partner treating me like that, to have such little respect is a huge ick. Counselling might help you decide if you want to continue with this relationship so probably the best place to start.

ResultsMayVary · 07/02/2026 21:14

I think the big thing is that it wasn't just him lying to his parents to protect his fragile ego but the nasty way he targeted you - trying to make you feel as small as he does.

And even afterwards no compassion for you .

I'm left wondering if he shows you any kind of love on a day to day basis

restingbitchface30 · 07/02/2026 21:18

I don’t know you but I’m proud of you. Fuck him, his ego has been dented by the truth. You’re way more patient than me

IAmKerplunk · 07/02/2026 21:34

Is he like this when around anyone else or just his parents? What’s the dynamic like between him and his mum and dad?
Anyway, what a shame he can’t celebrate your success (that he gets to enjoy the proceeds of) and isn’t proud of you. I couldn’t be with a man like that. What a fool he is

Cornishclio · 07/02/2026 21:35

I would struggle to get over the disrespect he showed you and presumably not just once but several times. To call you not very bright would be the most hurtful so if he doesn’t apologise and promise to do better I would think if you want to stay with him. He is insecure, petty and misogynistic.

ThePoetsWife · 07/02/2026 21:39

Hope you don’t have children - he’s such terrible role model and you are too for not sticking up for yourself til now

LIJ · 07/02/2026 21:50

Sadly, it’s time to leave. His narrative will never change so unless you want it to be this way forever, it’s time to go.

Violetblue1 · 07/02/2026 22:12

What a pathetic little man. Do you really want to be with someone who behaves that way?

matresense · 07/02/2026 22:30

Your DH’s attitude stinks OP. I wonder why, even if you didn’t out earn him, he would think that it would be acceptable to put you down in front of company. It’s horrible behaviour. If you have DDs, would he accept this in one of their partners? Maybe he feels as if he can’t impress his dad on his own terms, but what you do should be irrelevant to that unless he is a massive misogynist - he has a lot of reflecting to do.

It sounds as if you are both of an age at which you could either separate and live separately and comfortably or at which you could really enjoy the affluence you have both worked for and think about the circumstances you want to retire in and what dreams you have together. Maybe, if you do want to stay together, you need counselling to work out what you’re now working towards as a couple. You can’t be two competing individuals (his view if this is about being a sore loser?) and a team working towards a shared goal.

Sharptonguedwoman · 07/02/2026 22:49

LionKing88 · 06/02/2026 16:08

You should have snapped at him but slightly YABU to bring up the money. Snap at him for calling you thick - out earning him hasn't got much to do with it...

Money is a metric everyone understands. You can do the ‘You’re a bit thick and clumsy’, ‘No I’m not’ till the cows come home. It’s not measurable. Money is measurable and provable.

Sharptonguedwoman · 07/02/2026 22:55

CommonYew · 07/02/2026 08:20

Your mother in law being a stay at home mum and then a housewife doesn't mean she hasn't worked. Housework is work.

OP means work for money. I think you know that.

Sharptonguedwoman · 07/02/2026 22:57

Screamingabdabz · 07/02/2026 08:27

You think advocating equality and safety for girls and women is ‘cray cray’? If so, I don’t think your opinion counts for much.

What does cray, cray mean please? Crazy?

Sharptonguedwoman · 07/02/2026 23:01

MyDeftDuck · 07/02/2026 08:02

OP, please do not have babies with this useless article.

Kids grown and flown.