Page 18 | To have snapped and pissed off DH in front of his parents

Windday · 07/02/2026 13:39

How can you have any genuine respect for such a petty, insecure liar?

I think you need counselling on your own.
Why have you tolerated this for so long?
Not normal at all IMO.

Figcherry · 07/02/2026 13:55

bloomchamp · 07/02/2026 11:57

Op just had to get in the “Sussex House” lol oh well ok it’s just me then 😂

Show quote history

People do inherit houses and may need to do some work before selling.
Op has mentioned stripping wallpaper.

Me and my siblings have inherited a tiny flat in a deprived area, is that a stealth boast?

Travsmam · 07/02/2026 13:57

Well done you!!!!!! Let him stew in his self pity. Go out and have some of your own fun with your hard earned cash. What a prick. Glad his dad responded like he did. X

VickyEadieofThigh · 07/02/2026 14:05

JoanJettsBlackheads · 06/02/2026 15:56

I didn’t mention it before because it was just the odd little dig. He’s never just gone on and on like he did this time. I’ve messaged him and suggested that we have a talk this evening. If he’s still refusing to speak to me, he can go to the house in the country (that he hates) and do something productive there, like strip the walls.

I really don't understand why you've allowed this to go on for so long. He must have a wide range of amazing qualities, because I'd have kicked the twat into touch quite some time ago.

CopeNorth · 07/02/2026 14:12

JoanJettsBlackheads · 06/02/2026 15:06

DH becomes like another person when his parents are with us. He was brought up in a very traditional household with his Dad as the breadwinner and his Mum as a SAHM and then housewife (she has never really worked since she got married). In contrast to us, I have always hugely out earned DH, but his parents were never aware of this and simply assumed I had a “little job.”

So when we are with them, DH likes to perpetuate this myth, eg saying that my boss “let me” go to Paris with him to “help” him while he was negotiating a deal. The reality is that I am the main negotiator. DH also likes to portray me as a bit dim, ditsy and clumsy. He was going to town on this when they came over for dinner this week, telling his parents how I’d smashed a bottle of wine (true), left something in a taxi that he’d had to run after to get back (not true), plus a whole list of other things which were embellished. He then patted my arm and said “But you can’t help being clumsy and not very bright, can you? You have other qualities!”

I snapped at that point and said to him “If I’m that fucking stupid, why do I earn five times what you do?” He just sat there not saying anything, his parents made their excuses and left, but his Dad did ask me, as he was leaving, if it was true. I said it was, and he just said, good on you, I’m proud of you.

We had a huge row when they had left, and he’s now sulking and not speaking to me. I’m not apologising, and he can fuck off as far as I’m concerned. He usually just implies that I have a “little job” and that he is Billy Big Bollocks, and I bite my tongue, but the other night was just a long diatribe on how thick and useless I am. Not sure what I want from this thread or where we go from here but I just wanted to get it off my chest.

That’s awful. I AM PROUD OF YOU. Your spouse should be your biggest supporter. Obviously he feels embarrassed in front of his parents but he’s made himself look even worse

Grumpyoldpersonwithcats · 07/02/2026 14:23

OP I'm really puzzled. You used this MN account to post a completely different scenario about your life (all very much in the first person) and when challenged here said you were posting on behalf of your cousin.
Was she with you dictating when you were posting? Your breadth of knowledge in that thread about your cousin's working conditions, her interview, and the inner workings of the civil service is amazingly detailed.

GnomeDePlume · 07/02/2026 14:33

I bet 'D'H is sorry. I imagine right now his comfy life is flashing before his eyes. It would be interesting if his parents have been in contact with him since. He must be realising that his DF will be seeing him differently now which will be a very hard pill to swallow.

We are in a similar situation with my salary being many times DH's. The difference is that my DH is very aware that his comfy life is far beyond anything his salary could fund.

Traitorsisontv · 07/02/2026 14:47

The expectations and norms of our parents and their generation can be odd.

My DW's uncle and aunt were such. Not happy that their DIL earned more than their DS.

Thought that I must be a HoD not 'just' a teacher and that my DW earned more than me - I don't think they 'got her job.

My Dad never quite got it that my DW earned more than me - partly because he didn't understand her job (or wanted to) - educational consultant. But that's a whole different story.

The difference I never pretended she only had a little job/earned less than me/put on a show.

He's got to eat quite a lot of humble pie - and not put on a show when visiting.

Shinyandnew1 · 07/02/2026 14:51

Grumpyoldpersonwithcats · 07/02/2026 14:23

OP I'm really puzzled. You used this MN account to post a completely different scenario about your life (all very much in the first person) and when challenged here said you were posting on behalf of your cousin.
Was she with you dictating when you were posting? Your breadth of knowledge in that thread about your cousin's working conditions, her interview, and the inner workings of the civil service is amazingly detailed.

Edited

It's so weird when people do that.

I presume the OP's 'cousin' has been able to manage a successful career, but is not capable of registering with Mumsnet herself!

Diamondsareforever72 · 07/02/2026 14:56

JoanJettsBlackheads · 06/02/2026 15:06

DH becomes like another person when his parents are with us. He was brought up in a very traditional household with his Dad as the breadwinner and his Mum as a SAHM and then housewife (she has never really worked since she got married). In contrast to us, I have always hugely out earned DH, but his parents were never aware of this and simply assumed I had a “little job.”

So when we are with them, DH likes to perpetuate this myth, eg saying that my boss “let me” go to Paris with him to “help” him while he was negotiating a deal. The reality is that I am the main negotiator. DH also likes to portray me as a bit dim, ditsy and clumsy. He was going to town on this when they came over for dinner this week, telling his parents how I’d smashed a bottle of wine (true), left something in a taxi that he’d had to run after to get back (not true), plus a whole list of other things which were embellished. He then patted my arm and said “But you can’t help being clumsy and not very bright, can you? You have other qualities!”

I snapped at that point and said to him “If I’m that fucking stupid, why do I earn five times what you do?” He just sat there not saying anything, his parents made their excuses and left, but his Dad did ask me, as he was leaving, if it was true. I said it was, and he just said, good on you, I’m proud of you.

We had a huge row when they had left, and he’s now sulking and not speaking to me. I’m not apologising, and he can fuck off as far as I’m concerned. He usually just implies that I have a “little job” and that he is Billy Big Bollocks, and I bite my tongue, but the other night was just a long diatribe on how thick and useless I am. Not sure what I want from this thread or where we go from here but I just wanted to get it off my chest.

He’s a cunt.

Plain and simple.
He’s jealous and feels threatened by your success.
His dad sounds great.

Let him sulk. It would be a cold day in hell before I’d apologise or make the first move.

Bringflowersofthefairest · 07/02/2026 15:22

I wouldn’t be happy with his half arsed text apology.
It’s not as if this is a one off that has came out of the blue, this has been going on for many years. He clearly resents your success massively to put you down like that. God knows how many other people he diminishes you to.
It would be the end for me. He’s jealous and nasty.

clarepetal · 07/02/2026 15:31

Fucking good for you!!!

CautiousLurker2 · 07/02/2026 15:37

purplecorkheart · 06/02/2026 15:16

How dare he. What a pathetic loser of a man. Sorry I would be taking my five times his earning power and leave him. How dare he make up stories to make you look silly. I glad his parent now know what sad loser their son is. You were totally in the right.

This, really. What he has been doing is abuse. There is no way you should have put up with it for so long - but I’m guessing it has crept up on you by his starting with a few seemingly benign put-downs a few years ago until it escalated to the extreme level of negging this week.

I’d be insisting HE go to counselling as he has obvious self esteem issues, and I’d probably insist he moves out until he has changed his attitude/behaviour (ie probably permanently).

Hairissueshelp · 07/02/2026 15:39

Well they obviously suspected this was the case and probably proud you stood up for yourself. Your dh sounds like a dick. Why would he be belittling your contributions and acheivements just to make himself look good.

And sulking is pathetic.

Anewsyrup · 07/02/2026 15:51

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Anewsyrup · 07/02/2026 15:54

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Queenoftartts · 07/02/2026 16:07

He’s a man child I would have LTB long ago.

Original poster

JoanJettsBlackheads · 07/02/2026 16:29

Grumpyoldpersonwithcats · 07/02/2026 14:23

OP I'm really puzzled. You used this MN account to post a completely different scenario about your life (all very much in the first person) and when challenged here said you were posting on behalf of your cousin.
Was she with you dictating when you were posting? Your breadth of knowledge in that thread about your cousin's working conditions, her interview, and the inner workings of the civil service is amazingly detailed.

Edited

She was with me. I know it sounds odd, but that’s how it was.

OP posts:

Gloopsy · 07/02/2026 16:45

Have he tried to contact you/ apologize again today?

Whyarepeoplesuchwankers · 07/02/2026 16:55

GnomeDePlume · 07/02/2026 14:33

I bet 'D'H is sorry. I imagine right now his comfy life is flashing before his eyes. It would be interesting if his parents have been in contact with him since. He must be realising that his DF will be seeing him differently now which will be a very hard pill to swallow.

We are in a similar situation with my salary being many times DH's. The difference is that my DH is very aware that his comfy life is far beyond anything his salary could fund.

Yeh I'm not sure he's sorry for his behaviour towards you OP. Going off to the other house "because he's got some thinking to do" smacks of threatening to leave you because you stood up to him. I don't think this is an apology at all, I think he's continuing his emotional abuse.

Craftycorvid · 07/02/2026 17:42

How is he not under the patio?

Jest aside, this is not a jesting matter. He’s very insecure and his parents seem to be able to spot that he’s acting like a prize twat. Pity they didn’t stay to support you.

Duchess379 · 07/02/2026 17:50

Craftycorvid · 07/02/2026 17:42

How is he not under the patio?

Jest aside, this is not a jesting matter. He’s very insecure and his parents seem to be able to spot that he’s acting like a prize twat. Pity they didn’t stay to support you.

Snort laughing at this 🤣

Jukeboxjulie69 · 07/02/2026 17:56

JoanJettsBlackheads · 06/02/2026 15:06

DH becomes like another person when his parents are with us. He was brought up in a very traditional household with his Dad as the breadwinner and his Mum as a SAHM and then housewife (she has never really worked since she got married). In contrast to us, I have always hugely out earned DH, but his parents were never aware of this and simply assumed I had a “little job.”

So when we are with them, DH likes to perpetuate this myth, eg saying that my boss “let me” go to Paris with him to “help” him while he was negotiating a deal. The reality is that I am the main negotiator. DH also likes to portray me as a bit dim, ditsy and clumsy. He was going to town on this when they came over for dinner this week, telling his parents how I’d smashed a bottle of wine (true), left something in a taxi that he’d had to run after to get back (not true), plus a whole list of other things which were embellished. He then patted my arm and said “But you can’t help being clumsy and not very bright, can you? You have other qualities!”

I snapped at that point and said to him “If I’m that fucking stupid, why do I earn five times what you do?” He just sat there not saying anything, his parents made their excuses and left, but his Dad did ask me, as he was leaving, if it was true. I said it was, and he just said, good on you, I’m proud of you.

We had a huge row when they had left, and he’s now sulking and not speaking to me. I’m not apologising, and he can fuck off as far as I’m concerned. He usually just implies that I have a “little job” and that he is Billy Big Bollocks, and I bite my tongue, but the other night was just a long diatribe on how thick and useless I am. Not sure what I want from this thread or where we go from here but I just wanted to get it off my chest.

YANBU however, you went along with his narrative, goodness knows why, other than it makes him feel better. To be patronising as he was is not acceptable. If you earn 5 x as much, you can probably go it alone and should ….

wellstopdoingitthen · 07/02/2026 17:57

Some men just can’t accept it when their wives/girlfriends achieve more than them. I had a boyfriend who would tell everyone that my promotions were because I had slept with the manager. He would pass this off as a ‘joke’ until he tried it with my father who put him in his place. I was very young at the time and he was soon in my rear view mirror.
I find quite often that just because a previous generation accepted the ‘traditional ‘ roles doesn’t necessarily mean that they don’t want things to move on. It sounds like your in-laws may be of this opinion too. It would be interesting to get their take on the incident.

jsecure · 07/02/2026 18:00

JoanJettsBlackheads · 06/02/2026 15:06

DH becomes like another person when his parents are with us. He was brought up in a very traditional household with his Dad as the breadwinner and his Mum as a SAHM and then housewife (she has never really worked since she got married). In contrast to us, I have always hugely out earned DH, but his parents were never aware of this and simply assumed I had a “little job.”

So when we are with them, DH likes to perpetuate this myth, eg saying that my boss “let me” go to Paris with him to “help” him while he was negotiating a deal. The reality is that I am the main negotiator. DH also likes to portray me as a bit dim, ditsy and clumsy. He was going to town on this when they came over for dinner this week, telling his parents how I’d smashed a bottle of wine (true), left something in a taxi that he’d had to run after to get back (not true), plus a whole list of other things which were embellished. He then patted my arm and said “But you can’t help being clumsy and not very bright, can you? You have other qualities!”

I snapped at that point and said to him “If I’m that fucking stupid, why do I earn five times what you do?” He just sat there not saying anything, his parents made their excuses and left, but his Dad did ask me, as he was leaving, if it was true. I said it was, and he just said, good on you, I’m proud of you.

We had a huge row when they had left, and he’s now sulking and not speaking to me. I’m not apologising, and he can fuck off as far as I’m concerned. He usually just implies that I have a “little job” and that he is Billy Big Bollocks, and I bite my tongue, but the other night was just a long diatribe on how thick and useless I am. Not sure what I want from this thread or where we go from here but I just wanted to get it off my chest.

What a miserable little worm to earn five times less than you but crow like a rooster to his parents, and even to dismiss and trivialise you and make you seem silly or trivial. That's the height of disrespect. He should never have done that. He got off lightly.