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Original poster

To have snapped and pissed off DH in front of his parents

544 replies

JoanJettsBlackheads · 06/02/2026 15:06

DH becomes like another person when his parents are with us. He was brought up in a very traditional household with his Dad as the breadwinner and his Mum as a SAHM and then housewife (she has never really worked since she got married). In contrast to us, I have always hugely out earned DH, but his parents were never aware of this and simply assumed I had a “little job.”

So when we are with them, DH likes to perpetuate this myth, eg saying that my boss “let me” go to Paris with him to “help” him while he was negotiating a deal. The reality is that I am the main negotiator. DH also likes to portray me as a bit dim, ditsy and clumsy. He was going to town on this when they came over for dinner this week, telling his parents how I’d smashed a bottle of wine (true), left something in a taxi that he’d had to run after to get back (not true), plus a whole list of other things which were embellished. He then patted my arm and said “But you can’t help being clumsy and not very bright, can you? You have other qualities!”

I snapped at that point and said to him “If I’m that fucking stupid, why do I earn five times what you do?” He just sat there not saying anything, his parents made their excuses and left, but his Dad did ask me, as he was leaving, if it was true. I said it was, and he just said, good on you, I’m proud of you.

We had a huge row when they had left, and he’s now sulking and not speaking to me. I’m not apologising, and he can fuck off as far as I’m concerned. He usually just implies that I have a “little job” and that he is Billy Big Bollocks, and I bite my tongue, but the other night was just a long diatribe on how thick and useless I am. Not sure what I want from this thread or where we go from here but I just wanted to get it off my chest.

OP posts:
Pollypolecat · 07/02/2026 18:04

He has got a MAJOR inferiority complex hasn't he. So sorry to hear that he constantly belittles you the way he does. So humiliating. Don't put up with it. Either get it sorted or run for the hills. Either way...best of luck

Steeleydan · 07/02/2026 18:06

JoanJettsBlackheads · 06/02/2026 15:06

DH becomes like another person when his parents are with us. He was brought up in a very traditional household with his Dad as the breadwinner and his Mum as a SAHM and then housewife (she has never really worked since she got married). In contrast to us, I have always hugely out earned DH, but his parents were never aware of this and simply assumed I had a “little job.”

So when we are with them, DH likes to perpetuate this myth, eg saying that my boss “let me” go to Paris with him to “help” him while he was negotiating a deal. The reality is that I am the main negotiator. DH also likes to portray me as a bit dim, ditsy and clumsy. He was going to town on this when they came over for dinner this week, telling his parents how I’d smashed a bottle of wine (true), left something in a taxi that he’d had to run after to get back (not true), plus a whole list of other things which were embellished. He then patted my arm and said “But you can’t help being clumsy and not very bright, can you? You have other qualities!”

I snapped at that point and said to him “If I’m that fucking stupid, why do I earn five times what you do?” He just sat there not saying anything, his parents made their excuses and left, but his Dad did ask me, as he was leaving, if it was true. I said it was, and he just said, good on you, I’m proud of you.

We had a huge row when they had left, and he’s now sulking and not speaking to me. I’m not apologising, and he can fuck off as far as I’m concerned. He usually just implies that I have a “little job” and that he is Billy Big Bollocks, and I bite my tongue, but the other night was just a long diatribe on how thick and useless I am. Not sure what I want from this thread or where we go from here but I just wanted to get it off my chest.

Well said glad you finally put them in the picture, your husband obviously feels emasculated, so has to act Billy big

Retiredfromearlyyears · 07/02/2026 18:08

You were quite right to speak out. If you plqn on staying with this twit' please continue speaking out. He should be so proud of you but instead he is jealous and belittles you in company to make himself feel better or more than he actually is. A poor,insecure,little man!

Draytoncb · 07/02/2026 18:10

You allowed him to create this fantasy world because you were being kind. Better to be cruel runs the old saying.

Obviously a lot depends on other aspects of your marriage, and to be old-fashioned, whether you love him - which seems improbable.

That being so, divorce looms unless you have children or he's astounding in bed. If you have children I hope they haven't been fed your husband's fantasy,

pouletvous · 07/02/2026 18:10

Well done OP. He fucking asked for that

little shit

Calliopespa · 07/02/2026 18:10

isthesolution · 06/02/2026 15:23

He feels less of a man because you earn more. I would have more subtly told his parents you earn more but I do understand why you snapped.

He shouldn’t be putting you down and making you feel stupid - that’s a bit abusive.

I think I feel similarly op.

I knew exactly the sorts of responses you would get on here, because it's MN.

But, back in the real world, I would say he was unequivocally in the wrong to treat you in such a disparaging way, especially if you had already told him how you felt about that.

BUT you kind of went nuclear and totally humiliated him. I know posters on here often applaud that, but I can't help but feel there was a more subtle way of doing it: "I'm not sure it's fair to make me out as useless; we both know my job responsibilities and what I earn" would have done the trick shut him up without being quite so specific. I don't really see the need to reference his salary. You don't need to humiliate someone else to protect your own dignity and two wrongs don't make a right.

Sorry, I know that will run against the grain and spoil the mood ...

ETA But in any case, his behaviour to you and yours in response suggest to me you actually hate each other and it's over anyway.

MaddestGranny · 07/02/2026 18:11

Honestly, I can't imagine that he can't realise that he's looking at the end of the road. Even his DF thinks he's a w*nker. Dear OP, let him go. LIve your life. Sounds like it'd be better without him,

Judecb · 07/02/2026 18:13

You've done amazingly well to keep a lid on it for so long!!! What pathetic behaviour! He should be boasting about your achievements, not hiding them away. I suggest you both watch The Wife (with Glenn Close) together - fantastic film which will hopefully make him squirm.

Pres11 · 07/02/2026 18:20

Amazing! Good on you! He’s out of order to put you down!

Nothing7 · 07/02/2026 18:23

Well done! I’m not surprised you got to the end of your tether with it. Why should you suck up being belittled constantly - he should be proud of how successful you are to his parents and not behave like he is.
Im sure you’d have never reacted like that if you hadn’t constantly been talked down
fair play! Honestly his behaviour is poor

Dinosaurhearmeroar · 07/02/2026 18:31

Good for you. And good for his dad. Never hide your light under a bushel again.

Grendel7 · 07/02/2026 18:34

JoanJettsBlackheads · 06/02/2026 15:06

DH becomes like another person when his parents are with us. He was brought up in a very traditional household with his Dad as the breadwinner and his Mum as a SAHM and then housewife (she has never really worked since she got married). In contrast to us, I have always hugely out earned DH, but his parents were never aware of this and simply assumed I had a “little job.”

So when we are with them, DH likes to perpetuate this myth, eg saying that my boss “let me” go to Paris with him to “help” him while he was negotiating a deal. The reality is that I am the main negotiator. DH also likes to portray me as a bit dim, ditsy and clumsy. He was going to town on this when they came over for dinner this week, telling his parents how I’d smashed a bottle of wine (true), left something in a taxi that he’d had to run after to get back (not true), plus a whole list of other things which were embellished. He then patted my arm and said “But you can’t help being clumsy and not very bright, can you? You have other qualities!”

I snapped at that point and said to him “If I’m that fucking stupid, why do I earn five times what you do?” He just sat there not saying anything, his parents made their excuses and left, but his Dad did ask me, as he was leaving, if it was true. I said it was, and he just said, good on you, I’m proud of you.

We had a huge row when they had left, and he’s now sulking and not speaking to me. I’m not apologising, and he can fuck off as far as I’m concerned. He usually just implies that I have a “little job” and that he is Billy Big Bollocks, and I bite my tongue, but the other night was just a long diatribe on how thick and useless I am. Not sure what I want from this thread or where we go from here but I just wanted to get it off my chest.

There's a Harry Enfield sketch on you tube on exactly this!

EMUKE · 07/02/2026 18:36

QUEEN! We no longer live in a man’s world and the fact his dad confirmed this and said how proud he is of you SPEAK VOLUMES. DH needs some respect for you. Thank you for finally setting the bar. Let husband sulk and when he wants to talk or make it up ensure he understands to never underestimate you and you won’t be belittled again in front of anyone.

ChaToilLeam · 07/02/2026 18:40

What a sad wee wanker of a man. But honestly, where do you go from here? He resents you, he tries to belittle you, is there really any comeback from that?

JJWT · 07/02/2026 18:42

I was fully expecting to see 100%. God knows what it takes on here to get that!

Totemoneru · 07/02/2026 18:44

Sounds like your husband needs a little therapy to help with his toxic masculinity issue that is obviously affecting his self worth so much he feels he needs to belittle you.

ThisRedLion · 07/02/2026 18:47

Well done you why do partners feel like they have to minimise to make themselves look bigger and clever than they actually are the father in law well thought good on you girl for knocking him right off his horse let him sulkround the house just goes to show how immature he is and you be proud you stood your ground you worked hard to own that right dont let anyone tell you otherwise

Atsocta · 07/02/2026 18:52

Well done 👍 and not before time ✔️

Cheersminesalargeone · 07/02/2026 18:55

Well done standing up for yourself, and what a great father in law you have there.

Buffs · 07/02/2026 19:06

JoanJettsBlackheads · 06/02/2026 15:17

The thing is, for a long time, we earned roughly equal amounts, and then about 10 years ago, my career took off. He went from not really mentioning this, except to say that I had changed jobs, to portraying me as some kind of simpleton, in front of his parents, I think to make himself out to be some kind of alpha male like his Dad. I’ve asked him before why he does it, he says he’s just joking, and I’ve told him I don’t find it funny. But the other night was something else, he just went on and on and on. I’m just going to let him simmer for now, while I think about what to do next.

I think your behaviour was absolutely fair enough. Has he learnt his lesson now and will he stop demeaning you?

pomers · 07/02/2026 19:06

I think if he patronisingly said that I ‘wasn’t very bright’ the marriage would be over then and there

BeddysMum · 07/02/2026 19:07

Wow that's so demeaning! I don't blame you. How long have hou been putting up with this nonsense?
I can't stand men who act like that. How have you not already hit him over the head with a frying pan?
Good for you for calling it out.

Blades2 · 07/02/2026 19:14

Good on you. His dad is clearly sick of his sons sexist disgusting attitude too,
iam extremely clumsy and forgetful and my partner just would never think about slinging it at me infront of people. I’d be having a serious conversation, there’s not a chance in hell I would continue living with a dick like your dh.

blackpooolrock · 07/02/2026 19:20

I would have been furious the first time he did it and told him to knock it on the head then.

Moulez · 07/02/2026 19:45

I LOVE HIS DAD