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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have snapped and pissed off DH in front of his parents

544 replies

JoanJettsBlackheads · 06/02/2026 15:06

DH becomes like another person when his parents are with us. He was brought up in a very traditional household with his Dad as the breadwinner and his Mum as a SAHM and then housewife (she has never really worked since she got married). In contrast to us, I have always hugely out earned DH, but his parents were never aware of this and simply assumed I had a “little job.”

So when we are with them, DH likes to perpetuate this myth, eg saying that my boss “let me” go to Paris with him to “help” him while he was negotiating a deal. The reality is that I am the main negotiator. DH also likes to portray me as a bit dim, ditsy and clumsy. He was going to town on this when they came over for dinner this week, telling his parents how I’d smashed a bottle of wine (true), left something in a taxi that he’d had to run after to get back (not true), plus a whole list of other things which were embellished. He then patted my arm and said “But you can’t help being clumsy and not very bright, can you? You have other qualities!”

I snapped at that point and said to him “If I’m that fucking stupid, why do I earn five times what you do?” He just sat there not saying anything, his parents made their excuses and left, but his Dad did ask me, as he was leaving, if it was true. I said it was, and he just said, good on you, I’m proud of you.

We had a huge row when they had left, and he’s now sulking and not speaking to me. I’m not apologising, and he can fuck off as far as I’m concerned. He usually just implies that I have a “little job” and that he is Billy Big Bollocks, and I bite my tongue, but the other night was just a long diatribe on how thick and useless I am. Not sure what I want from this thread or where we go from here but I just wanted to get it off my chest.

OP posts:
Topseyt123 · 07/02/2026 11:24

bloomchamp · 07/02/2026 11:15

Is it only me who feels like this is just one big elaborate stealth wealth boast? Lol

Just you.

Newname29 · 07/02/2026 11:32

What an absolute dick. I'd say his parents see though his insecurity and charade. Good on you for standing up for yourself. Please dont allow hin to treat you like this again, you deserve so much better

throwawayimplantchat · 07/02/2026 11:35

bloomchamp · 07/02/2026 11:15

Is it only me who feels like this is just one big elaborate stealth wealth boast? Lol

Yes, just you.

Reallywhatonearth · 07/02/2026 11:36

What plans does this knob have for retirement @JoanJettsBlackheads ? He is going to be a leech sucking the joy out of your future. Time to bin him.

lurkingfromhome · 07/02/2026 11:40

bloomchamp · 07/02/2026 11:15

Is it only me who feels like this is just one big elaborate stealth wealth boast? Lol

Yep, just you. Your post says so much more about you than the OP, so well done there. "Lol"

Nanny0gg · 07/02/2026 11:49

Imdunfer · 07/02/2026 10:01

I'm not sure I could get past it, but at the least I would want a visit to the parents where he explains to them what a brilliant career you have and how proud he is of you and how stupid he has been himself.

Good luck.

Don't think he is proud

I think he's jealous and probably upset that he isn't as 'good' as his dad as he isn't the provider

The OP doesn't have to accept any of that sort of crap any more.

Foodylicious · 07/02/2026 11:54

As long as you haven't snapped and farted, all is good.

Sorry, couldnt resist.

In all seriousness
I dont know how you've managed to keep it together/put up with it for so long!
What an insecure knobjockey he is.

bloomchamp · 07/02/2026 11:55

lurkingfromhome · 07/02/2026 11:40

Yep, just you. Your post says so much more about you than the OP, so well done there. "Lol"

And what does it say about me? That I’m a bit suss about the post. Hey ho 😂

bloomchamp · 07/02/2026 11:57

Topseyt123 · 07/02/2026 11:24

Just you.

Op just had to get in the “Sussex House” lol oh well ok it’s just me then 😂

FateAmenableToChange · 07/02/2026 12:00

If its only this aspect of your relationship that is concerning then maybe try couples counselling. Although it is definitely his problem, it might be worth exploring if there are some triggers from you that are contributing to his insecurity and consequent abysmal behaviours. It sounds to me like it could possibly be worked out (if hes not a misoynist and there are other behaviours like this as well). Or maybe he needs counselling on his own to deal with his relationship with his parents and why he feels the need to belittle his wife around them (sounds like it is just them and not friends etc?). A proper talk about this and how its made you feel over the years is long overdue.

MO0N · 07/02/2026 12:00

Never let him forget who's the daddy @JoanJettsBlackheads

JoanJettsBlackheads · 07/02/2026 12:02

bloomchamp · 07/02/2026 11:57

Op just had to get in the “Sussex House” lol oh well ok it’s just me then 😂

I inherited the house when my parents died. Hope that clears things up for you.

OP posts:
Fiftyandme · 07/02/2026 12:05

Can I just say I’m a bit of a fan of your FIL?

Your DH is a nibbling, whiny, pathetic twat whom I could not manage to muster a single mm or respect for.

Why are you with this loser?

WasThatACorner · 07/02/2026 12:14

Dontlletmedownbruce · 06/02/2026 15:44

It wouldn't be OK whether you are breadwinner or not surely! Who brings what home isn't relevant, no one should belittle their partner in any circumstances.

This.

I'm disabled and can no longer work, can't do a lot around the house and often need help with things. DW still talks about me like I hung the moon. If you were to hear her talk there is nothing I can't do.

People who love you don't put you down ever.

JaquelineHide · 07/02/2026 12:30

This reply has been deleted

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BusyExpert · 07/02/2026 12:34

Good girl! Hold your ground while you decide if you want to continue with this marriage. If you do he needs some counselling

and what a nice man his Dad is. I suspect he realises more about the reality of the situation than you realise

bloomchamp · 07/02/2026 12:41

JoanJettsBlackheads · 07/02/2026 12:02

I inherited the house when my parents died. Hope that clears things up for you.

I didn’t ask!

Hankunamatata · 07/02/2026 12:47

I hope he does have a good hard think op

He should be your champion. Bragging to people about his super wife, who is doing so well in her job. He should be proud.

Im glad his dad said he was proud of you. Hopefully he will roast his sons ears about his lack of respect for his wife.

BellesAndGraces · 07/02/2026 12:53

bloomchamp · 07/02/2026 12:41

I didn’t ask!

Not entirely sure where you were going with your post but it just sounded jealous tbh.

lap90 · 07/02/2026 13:06

Good on you.

bloomchamp · 07/02/2026 13:09

This reply has been deleted

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MarjorieWestriding · 07/02/2026 13:13

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Hopefully you won't be making it your mission to drive her away, as has happened to other women here.

BellesAndGraces · 07/02/2026 13:32

Well that response was deleted so quickly I didn’t have the chance to read it LOL

BellesAndGraces · 07/02/2026 13:34

Well done for standing up for yourself OP. Only a small man feels the need to put his wife down at all, let alone in front of his parents. An in person apology to you and to his parents for lying to them is definitely needed.

CollieModdle · 07/02/2026 13:37

He behaved horribly, really horribly.

But:
As a top negotiator you surely have the skills to raise things and deal with them before you reach snapping point?
Swearing was OTT - and though his parents model is probably behind your H's twattish behaviour, it wasn't their fault and they didn;t need to be subjected to your snapping.

Let him do the thinking he has agreed he needs to do.

Listen to what he has to say, be clear calm and direct about how he makes you feel when he does that and what you expect .

I say this because if you divorce he'll walk off with half your pension, savings and half the Sussex house.

So better to let him rehabilitate himself.

It's good his parents now know more about your marriage - they should have known before (unless you both choose to be 100% private) - not details of salary necessarily, but years of 'isn't it great, JoanJett got promotion / I am preoccupied atm, I am off to Paris to negotiate a huge deal' etc. He behaved like a twat, you let it slide and played along.

So now is a new beginning.

IF he really does do his thinking.