Anyone else have no one to spend time with if their DH/DP were to go away for the weekend

[Toeragg]

Today DH is going to see DD (who is working in Europe for a couple of years) and I will spend the weekend completely alone - not by choice.

Anyone else who would be in the same boat?

I do have people I could spend the time with, but I would choose to spend it alone. I would see the opportunity to completely chill for a whole weekend as a sort of ultimate treat.

But I’m bothered by your statement that it’s not by choice - if you mean you have been left out of the trip when you wanted to go, that sounds pretty awful. Is there a breakdown in your relationship with your DH orDD that might be contributing to your upset? I might not relish alone time if I was feeling betrayed.

I might have people I could spend time with, but I think I’d make the most of having the weekend all to myself!

I’d be enjoying a clean, silent house, suiting myself when it came to eating and TV and having a wonderful time!

I think OP means not by choice as in not having friends or family around.

I spend lots of time alone (child free and DP works away a lot).

I do exactly what I want without having to consider anyone else's preferences or be sociable, it's great.

What's stopping you going out and doing things, whatever you like to do? Or stay in and read, watch TV, do hobbies etc?

Or are there any friends or family members you'd like to meet up with?

I have lots of people I could spend time with but I would be choosing probably to spend it alone because my life is chaotically busy right now and I’ve been totally neglecting myself and I think I’m almost burnt out.
A weekend of just me time would fit the bill perfectly.
What would actually happen though would be I would feel guilty that I had so much free time and then arrange to catch up with people I feel like I’ve been neglecting for a while! I can’t win 😂

I wonder if you might need to make more effort to be socially connected and spend time with friends when your partner is around, so you have people to do things with when they aren’t. Friendships typically require some level of time and consistent connection. If you aren’t ensuring you have those relationships, you might be able to change this a little for future situations.

Yes, i understand op. I have got used to it though. It used to make me feel very sad and lonely

Um, what? I'd be over the moon at the thought of a weekend of peace all to myself! Why do you need constant company? Crank the music up, watch movies in bed at all hours, crack the wine open, ice cream and/or pizza just for you, and ENJOY! Party time! Peace! House to yourself!! Can you really not be left alone for one weekend?

But I’m bothered by your statement that it’s not by choice - if you mean you have been left out of the trip when you wanted to go, that sounds pretty awful. Is there a breakdown in your relationship with your DH orDD

No, not at all. The trip is my birthday gift to DH. I'm going to see DD for Mother's Day. All's good there.

I meant I'm not choosing to see noone.

So are you saying you have no friends OP?

Can you really not be left alone for one weekend?

Of course I can. Don't be so patronising.

I'll walk the dog, go out for a coffee, read, pop on MN, do some Pilates, watch TV. That's not the point of the thread though.

Yes and no.

I'm friends with a couple of people at work but we live a long way from each other so will go out for a meal after work. I have a friend I meet for a weekday lunch once a month. Another I'll often have a Saturday coffee with but she's away. My sister has taken early retirement and moved to the other side of the country.

This isn't a pity thread, just wondering if others are in the same boat.

Why aren't you going as well?

I've already said!

No you haven't!

Moving around certainly disrupts social connections. The older we get the more conscious effort is required to build nes networks. In any event it’s a process that takes time and a bit of luck. I find it helps to look around for interesting activities to do and see who else is interested.

the Ramblers’s group walks are a good place you start for low key company. Volunteering is another way to build connections.

it can be easier to be alone if there are other things like that group wslk that you could be doing.

I moved to a new country just over 4 years ago and I have friends I could spend time with, but you have to make the effort to make friends, people don't just turn up and be your friend.

Although when OH goes back to the UK in 3 weeks time for a week, I'll be thoroughly enjoying no footie on the TV and eating food he doesn't really like. I will see a few other people when I go do some pottery and the UK neighbours are here that week as well.

Hi OP. I’ll come at this from a different perspective. I’m single with 2 teen DCs and have been on my own for a long time! Thankfully I have quite a few friends to spend time with or I’d be alone every weekend. I appreciate I have more time and motivation to make and nurture these friendships as I have no DH/ partner but they do take quite a bit of effort to maintain (obviously I do enjoy these friendships or I wouldn’t put the effort in)

One of my (and other single friends have said the same) pet hates is when someone’s DH / partner is away for the weekend or a period of time and suddenly I’ll get messages from friends who I wouldn’t normally see for dust at the weekend as they will be with their DH or doing things with other couples. Typically it will be something like

‘Hi … DH is away this weekend so I wondered if you fancied doing something on sat ‘ or ‘hi I’m at a bit of a loose end this week so do you fancy doing something on Thursday night’

It really annoys me! These are good friends of mine but it frustrates me that I’m sometimes only being considered as a stopgap / substitute whilst they are on their own. They don’t seem to ask or consider that I might be lonely sometimes as I don’t have anyone to spend time at home with (another adult) .

I suppose what I am saying is.. If you are quite happy putting all of your energy and time into your marriage when your DH is here then I would expect the outcome to be alone-ness when he is not. If you do make some friends then appreciate that these require nurturing and effort even when DH is around. Like most things in life, a balance is good!

For the record - some of my newer (not new but last 10 years or so) local friendships have come from a choir I joined, a couple of parents of DCs friends and from a parenting course I was put on by CAMHS when teen DD was having a mental health crisis.

Depending on what’s going on in your local area there are always opportunities if you are open to them, but they do require effort to keep them going.

On a final note - I totally appreciate from experience that there is a difference between spending time alone and being lonely. Being single I have had many lonely times when I wish I had people to spend time with… whereas there are other weekends when I revel in not having to see anyone by choice.

On the times when I find myself completely alone (there have been many!) I do find that as long as I have one thing in the day that gets me out of the house then that’s fine. I quite enjoy going to the cinema on my own for example, or a swim. That takes care of an afternoon or an evening - then I tend to just get stuff done that I have been putting off!

I hope you enjoy your weekend 😊

Why can't you see friends and family, are they too far away? If that's the case, surely that's a longstanding issue and not just for this weekend?

No, I'm not in the same boat as I have friends and family I see whether DH is there or not. But I also enjoy my own company.

No you haven't! You said it was a birthday present for your DH. But you did not say why you can't go along too.

I enjoy being alone. Is there anything interesting in the area that you would like to join, there’s a lot of people in the same situation looking for a casual friendship. Make it your mission to try something new this year.

I wasn't meaning to be patronising, don't be so defensive. I was genuinely curious. Because I've heard of this sort of thing before on here, where some women get a friend or parent over to stay if their partner goes away overnight. I just don't understand it, that's all. I'd be out of my skin with excitement at the pure bliss and peace of the house to myself.

No, I’m not and in this situation if I wanted to have a full weekend of seeing friends I’d have made plans to do something with various people over the weekend.

Has this made you realise you should make more effort to connect with people?

Thats not to say that sometimes a weekend to completely relax and recharge on my own isn’t want I’d chose, I’m quite happy in my own company too.

Not me no. I have a very rich and full life, lots of friends and family members. I don't have enough time to see all the people I want to see and do all the things I want to do.

My DP is like that though. He hasn't got friends locally, despite living in the area for decades now. He doesn't have family in the area either. He does a group exercise thing most weeks, and attends a once a week thing to do with a hobby, but that's it other than work. I feel this puts a lot of pressure on me. I travel a lot, either alone or with friends (as well as with him of course!) and I want to spend time with my friends too, plus I need study time, but end up feeling guilty as I know he is alone when I do other things or go off on my adventures (which he doesn't want to go in or doesn't have as much annual leave/time off work as me). I wish he would socialise more, it would take the pressure off me, and it's healthier not to have all your social needs placed on one person's shoulders.

@PurpleCoo very very smug post IMHO