Anyone else have no one to spend time with if their DH/DP were to go away for the weekend

[Toeragg]

Today DH is going to see DD (who is working in Europe for a couple of years) and I will spend the weekend completely alone - not by choice.

Anyone else who would be in the same boat?

I actually think it’s good that you and your DH make trips to see your DD separately. Possibly you do this so that one of you is home to care for your dog, or possibly due to expense, but it means you both get to have deeper individual relationships with her, and that’s nice.

Exactly. She our only child and we're very close and miss her.

DH and DD love wandering around museums and art galleries for hours whereas I lose interest after the first one 🙂

I prefer a bit of culture, a bit of shopping then coffee and cake!

Thank you for this. Food for thought and somewhat shaming.

@TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams

It wasn’t meant to be shaming! Just a different perspective. Much as it can sometimes be frustrating, I don’t think that most people in a couple (married or otherwise) would see it in this way as they are not living it. They would if they were I’m sure but everyone is quite busy with their own lives / partners etc aren’t they?

I would like to think that I wouldn’t be the same if I was married with single friends. That said if I was part of a long term established couple I couldn’t say hand on heart that I wouldn’t be had I not experienced a long period of not having anyone!!

However if it makes you (anyone) a bit more conscious of how your single friends might be feeling from time to time then maybe it has served a purpose!

@AzureRose I know what @CDTC means. My parents died young so weren't around when I was a became a mum. I was envious of my friends who had supportive parents as I sometimes felt isolated. It must be even more difficult for you having no DP or kids. Sending you both lots of love.

In a similar position albeit with teens. To be honest a solo weekend at home would be bliss but if DH is away, I know other school parents locally but we tend to socialise with them together. My friends live a couple of hours away so not an option to pop out for the evening. I would be more inclined to invite the single ones if DH was away though simply because it would be more fun and nice to catch up like old times when we were all single, but I recognise how that might come across.

I can identify with TS, I do have some friends but I find that everyone seems so busy and have plans organised long in advance and if I don't 'book' them in they are all busy.

Hope you have a lovely weekend on your own with your doggy! My plans when I am on my own is to eat what I want, walk where I want with the dog and watch what I want on TV

I probably could have someone to spend time with, but 48 hours alone is an absolute gift, and I would be taking full advantage! Why don't you want to do it, OP?

I don't have lots of options whether DP is here or not, so I've joined a local group of women who meet for walks and coffee to try and broaden my circle a bit.

Just adding it as a suggestion to others really

No. I’s have lots of options if I wanted to hang with people - especially if I’d had advanced notice to make plans.

BUT I have always prioritised my friendships (sometimes over my marriage tbh) and make lots of time for important people in my life even when time is very tight. My mum has always said she’s jealous of me for “making friends easily”. This glib response is irritating. Friendships are (incredibly rewarding) work - and I put that work in!

This was me two weeks ago - DH was away on his annual boys' ski-ing weekend - so I took myself off on a European city break to see an exhibition.

I need to broaden my circle a bit. Work full time in a small friendly team but we don't socialise as such. My family are very scattered so see them rarely. I've got a couple of good friends but a weekend on my own wouldn't necessarily see me seeing them.

I've been thinking for a while that I need to make more of an effort so I have more to do in retirement which is only a few years away.

OP I can see how this easily happens, you work and from what you’ve said you get on well with colleagues and sometimes go out straight from work together- so from a day to day point of view, you aren’t lonely, you has that social connection from work, then you have dh at home. If you work full time it can be easy to fill your whole weekend with cleaning and errands so it doesn’t feel like you are lonely, particularly if you and dh are very good friends as well, so you aren’t alone.

Perhaps use this weekend as something to encourage you to grow your social network locally? If there’s any book clubs or volunteering projects you can sign up for so that you build more local connections that could become friendships.

It’s so easy to drift into having few people in your life when you don’t have lots of free time.

What IS your point then? I’m alone most weekends because I don’t have a partner and don’t want one. Most friends are partnered up and have families they want to spend time with but I actually enjoy my weekends doing things I enjoy. The only time I don’t enjoy them as much is in the summer when more people and kids are out and about, so I tend to go out more during the week.

When my husband is away people often ask me if I'm off to paint the town red.
My answer is always the same - I can do that when he's here.
What I can't do when he's here is eat what I want, drink what I want, watch what I want, go to sleep and wake up when I want.
And sleep like a starfish.

I love him but I also love it when he's away overnight.

But why is there no one, OP? If you would like more friends, why not make them? Or don't you want more?

Do you want to build more friendships @Toeraggor are you happy with how things are?

I don’t see weekends as just family time/time with my partner so I do see friends at weekends.

I do notice when someone is suddenly wanting to meet at a weekend when usually they don’t and it bugs me a little bit. Suddenly my company is wanted because their default company is not available.
I guess I am not very rigid in how my time is spent and neither is my partner.

I mean I could probably scramble someone together, but god, I would not want to. A weekend alone is a blissful luxury! I have enough people’s needs to consider or lives to plan around. When I don’t, I don’t. You couldn’t pay me to make plans with friends on a weekend alone.

I would embrace the aloneness. I love my own company

I would have people to spend the time with if I wanted to, but I wouldn’t need to, I’d enjoy the time alone. Not that I don’t love spending time with him. Going back 10+ years ago, DH was having to go to his mum’s, 4 hour train ride away, every other weekend. She had carers in daily but couldn’t really manage. I couldn’t go with him as I had my own mum to care for, she had dementia. That did get lonely.

Making friends and keeping them is hard work! And as you get older you get fussier/less tolerant. Or some people are glued to their partner and only come as a twosome (aaargh!).

Like OP I am challenged on the family front; my parents died before I had dc and there is no one much else. I do envy people with big families - “Oh, I’m off out with my sister,” “We’re all 15 of us off on holiday” . It just seems easier (even if it’s not!) than having to seek out new people and not having old bonds.

I think you have to live your life not dependent on a partner. Cultivating friendships takes effort, some element of luck and a desire to see other people, even when your DH is away. Maybe focus on widening your life a bit if you find it hard to be alone. I've never understood this reliance on a partner situation. I know it's a bleak thought, but everyone with DH, DW or DP are at some point going to be on their own if their partners pass away in the future. What are you going to do then? I see elderly people really struggling with their lives and grief when their spouses pass away and I often wonder that maybe they've made a rod for their own backs by not having a more rounded life.

I am single but if I wasn't I would have people that I could meet up with. Could you use this weekend to see if there are any groups etc that you could join. Making new friends is something you do have to work for. Look to see if there are things like walking groups, parkruns, book clubs etc. My cousin volunteered at a parkrun when she moved to a new area and made friends that way as they used to do coffee afterwards.

I understand what you are saying here OP. You do have friends but not a huge group, and they aren’t necessarily available on a weekend. I think a lot of people would be in this position, myself included. I certainly do have friends, but I couldn’t guarantee that one of them would be available during the weekend if DH went away.

Same here - I have a decent amount of friends, but none of them are single, they all tend to do stuff with their partners at weekends (and I’m the same with my DH) and whilst we sometimes do pre arranged things at the weekend, I’m unlikely to find someone free for an impromptu weekend drink/coffee.

DH will be away for a weekend in May, so I will try to make an arrangement to see friends on the Friday night, but Saturday will be a hair appointment and I’ve managed to find a local yoga workshop for the Sunday.

I should add that I can fill my week-nights three times over with friends/activities, but weekends (and particularly Bank Holidays) are more tricky

Lol, she said nobody to meet up with, so why do you say friends and family?