Anyone else have no one to spend time with if their DH/DP were to go away for the weekend

[Toeragg]

Today DH is going to see DD (who is working in Europe for a couple of years) and I will spend the weekend completely alone - not by choice.

Anyone else who would be in the same boat?

I'm sorry you've never had that level of independence.

I'm sorry it's caused anxiety

I'm not saying i'm better than you.I'm saying your attitude isn't normal even if you've never lived alone. A grown adult should be able to tolerate two days of being alone.

i did leave the house, i visited family, walked my dog, went shopping,
why are you criticising me,
i dont have the money for a locksmith
i forgot i could have arranged to meet a friend, i didnt feel happy with my weekend, i dont need your judgement

i know @AzureRose
it is strange

one day dh will die then i will be on my own and i will have to be strong

@Marshtit so why did you feel differently about going to see a friend compared to when you went shopping, walking the dog? Why were you able to do these things and not worry about being locked out?

I live on my own and it's pretty rare that I do things with other people at weekends.

We're not criticising. You said you didn't meet a friend because you were too scared of being locked out. Now you're telling us you did go out which does change it slightly, but that's not information we had before.

You framed it as being terrified (your word) to go out in case you lost your keys. And we're trying to let you know that this is quite an extreme anxiety and if it prevents you from doing things, you should seek help.

Why did this fear come up only around meeting a friend but not around walking the dog? Both involve leaving the house with noone in it and you will need your keys. You could lock yourself out just as easily with either. I'm more likely to lose my keys on a dog walk cos they're in my pocket rather than my bag when I go out.

fair enough
i dont have ocd,
just checked my pockets more than once for my keys
i dont think help is required.
i think it is natural and normal though to feel at odds

Anyone would (or should) feel a little off kilter if their circumstances aren't what they usually are.

I still think it's quite extreme to not make plans in case of losing something outside the house though. It is preventing you from doing things you've said yourself you wish you had done. Maybe you don't need help but just need to think about it rationally and not let it stop you doing something you wanted to?

I think a lot of people who have had long lasting relationships and are in their 50s or older are in a similar situation. But I do think as you get older it’s worth considering what life would be like if your DH was no longer around, how you would cope both practically and socially/emotionally.

i know @ABeerInTheSunshineMakesMeHappy
i have a son who can go in the attic - perhaps ?

keep a spare key under a rock or with a neighbour i think would be the solution

A story to make you laugh @Marshtit
When I was in my 20s I spent a weekend at home alone when my housemate was away because I’d lost my key inside the house! I used it to let myself in from work, turned the place upside down but it was nowhere to be found, and never did turn up.

oh no, how frustrating @ABeerInTheSunshineMakesMeHappy

Good idea - as otherwise this particular issue is derailing the thread

My parents both did their own things as well as doing things together - I think this helped Mum a lot when Dad died, because she already had ger own life - whereas when my sister's MIL died, they had always done everything together, so FIL expected my sister and her partner to fill the gap, which nearly drove my sister insane.

I am single (and nearly always have been,) home is 2 hours away. There are lots of people I could meet up with, but it involves a bit of travel and coordination of diaries (mine included,) so I can't easily just call on anyone to say, "fancy a coffee?"* locally. Most of the people I used to go out with round here moved away once they got spouses and started families. Lots of my colleagues are in nearby towns, but not many in the same town. I think I have got so used to sorting things out for myself, I probably wouldn't think of calling anyone on the off-chance these days.

I am single post-divorce and have been a few years now.
Funnily enough I find myself alone this weekend (older children but both away). I am fine with it but this thread inspired me to contact a few people to see if anyone was around to meet for a coffee/drink.
And, guess what - no one is! Either they are away or are doing things with their DH.

I am used to this now but it used to floor me a bit at the beginning - the fact that without a partner you don't have someone to be spontaneous with or to just hang out with.

It takes getting used to. But once you are used to it it's empowering in a way because you discover you can entertain yourself & can actually enjoy your own company.

It’s good that you’re thinking about what semi-retirement might look like and perhaps this weekend alone will spur you on to make longer term plans if you feel you’d like weekend friends. Maybe join a social group or take up a hobby. Things like the weekend Park runs where they have a cafe meet afterwards (just an example). Or maybe a card group - Bridge, Whist or join a chess group.

Otherwise, I enjoy a weekend alone. I get up at a leisurely pace, do any housework and shopping then take myself into town (London). I have a casual lunch then a mooch in the shops, a gallery or museum or a walk in a park or just around the streets. I stop off for a cup of tea and a cake or I have a glass of wine sitting outside to people watch. I’ll then go the theatre or the cinema in the evening. No-one bats an eyelid if you’re alone. Rinse and repeat on Sunday. In good weather, I take myself off to the coast by train or car and sit on the beach with a book or explore a heritage site. I like not having to compromise on plans or where and when I eat. I feel quite free!
However, I wouldn’t want to be alone every weekend.

I agree it’s the “cup of coffee” factor. Just someone local to have a quick meet-up & chat, not the whole palaver of arranging in advance and travelling and a whole day taken out…

Imo I have found casual dog walkers less friendly since covid. So many people have headphones and don’t even exchange a good morning.

It’s not just the travelling factor for me - I’ve got a nice circle of local friends but as they all have partners etc they are very unlikely to be free at the weekend without some forward planning. I’ve never really had ‘weekend friends’ but maybe that’s because I’m rarely free at the weekend myself?

it is surprising how unfriendly some dog walkers are. where i live it is expanding, so i guess they are incomers, or newbies to dogs. and tend not to be social.
it is unusual.

I agree it’s the “cup of coffee” factor. Just someone local to have a quick meet-up & chat, not the whole palaver of arranging in advance and travelling and a whole day taken out.

The cup of coffee factor - exactly!

Contrary to what some people think, DH and I don't live in each others' pockets at the weekend and do things separately and together.

Life is busy these days. I don't think there's many people who can just up and go for a coffee at short notice for a quick catch up. At least not in my circle, which admittedly is mostly young families or single/childfree people who spend their weekends travelling or seeing friends and family.

I have plenty of people I could arrange a catch up phone call with, but in real life even a coffee needs a few days notice or they'll have other plans in place.

Yes I’d be the same, and have been the same, and regularly spend days alone (well with my 4yr old but no adult interaction) when he goes out with friends. I have one good friend but didn’t live local and has a lot going on in her life so not available much. I have work colleagues that I get on with, 2 friends that I would text every now and again but essentially I’m very alone. No family nearby either (and not many of them tbh) I get you x

People used to pop in to each other’s houses. That’s now a complete anathema. Informal socialising seems to have eroded a lot.