Anyone else have no one to spend time with if their DH/DP were to go away for the weekend

[Toeragg]

Today DH is going to see DD (who is working in Europe for a couple of years) and I will spend the weekend completely alone - not by choice.

Anyone else who would be in the same boat?

I’m similar to you op, sister lives far away I have a few friends mostly see in the week. I do have three children though so would be busy with them.

It certainly wasn't my intention to come across as smug. Just wanted to convey the challenges from the point of view of couples where there is a big difference in how busy/sociable each partner is. I think there are challenges for both partners, not just the one who might be 'left alone' when the busy one is off doing things without their partner. I experience a lot of pressure/guilt, and I am sure others feel the same way. I feel torn in different directions and stretched too thin.

i struggle on my own
i walk my dog, and chose a film to watch, normally one i have seen before!

May I ask what changed so that you are no longer sad and lonely when on your own?

It wouldn’t bother me I would enjoy the luxury of doing exactly what I wanted.

I don’t know many people locally ( we just moved areas) so unless I’d organised well in advance to see my non local friends then I would be in this boat. And I would find it a bit lonely. I don’t mind my own company at all and would make the most of the quiet clean house but it would be nice to have some friends nearby that I could see. I’ve joined some local groups and gone on a few meet ups which might end up turning into some friendships. But aren’t yet.
do you feel ok about it or not op?

I’m someone who likes to spend time with people. I have friends but if they’re not available, I’m a member of a few meetup groups and I’d go off on a walk or trip with one on the Saturday probably.
My kids are teens so don’t really like doing all the walks and day trips anymore. I still like all that.

Rather than saying she can't be alone, I think the OP is wondering whether her experience is normal or usual.

And I think it probably is a quite common situation in mid life, post-kids.

I read your post twice and it didn't come across as smug to me. I think you just touched a nerve with that poster.

I get it, OP, and yes, I'd likely be in the sane boat.

I have 'friends' but most of them are really close acquaintances. Of my actual friends - one is retired and in a new relationship and has disappeared off the face of the planet 😅; one has caring responsibilities for an elderly parent and another for grandchildren; others just have very different work patterns which make it difficult to meet up as we have to work around work and not just when we want to see each other. Many of these people have their weekends booked/planned weeks/months in advance or have regular commitments.

The few people who would be more available aren't people I'm as close to and would probably be surprised that they were the person I'd chosen to ask to see if I had some rare time to myself. And will have already made plans with their actual friends (past experience of asking tells me this). I wouldn't be the first person they'd ask either.

Like you, I'd have no problem filling the time doing things I enjoy - a walk in the local park, bit of self care, some exercise, reading, take myself out for lunch, lie in bed, find a pub and go to see a band on my own.

But it wouldn't be a choice. It would be my only option and its not quite the same. Even if I enjoyed every second of it.

I know others are saying they'd love the opportunity and it would be a luxury and I'd agree, it would feel like that if you were choosing it but when you've got no alternative, or don't feel that you have, it lands differently.

I find the idea that you think being alone is such a big deal it needs a thread. Clearly you are bothered or you wouldn’t be posting.

Why do you and DH visit DD separately?

But you have to remember that you're not responsible for his social life or that he's entertained.

If he won't go out and do stuff, and doesn't want to go wherever you're going, that's on him so nothing you should feel pressure/guilt about.

There was a thread not so long ago that shows how common this is and how it shouldn't stop you living the life you want to:

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/4932835-in-a-state-of-inertia-when-dh-around?page=1

Do you know me @GreyCarpetto make that statement?

When someone posts who is clearly lonely, someone states “not me” “I have a very rich and fulfilled life” you can’t see the smugness? Or maybe the lack of empathy?

I despair of people..

No. I have several people locally I could spend time with at the weekend, plus my parents are only 40 minutes away so could go and see them as well.

I would be really happy with that 😆

Dog and cost. Eurostar v expensive - especially if you've got to add in the cost of getting to London.

If we go together we have to pay for a dogsitter too.

We're going together in June. Taking dog and renting an airbnb and then a gite.

Not really the point of the thread though!

She did mention dog or can no one read anymore. Sometimes it's difficult to get a dog walker sitter.

I have friends who I’d try to see.
If they weren’t around I’d have one day at home and the other I’d go and do something out of the house.
I do spend a fair amount of time at home on my own anyway (wfh part time) so I don’t need more alone time.
I haven’t really got any family and not nearby so I rely on friends quite a bit.

I get the point of your thread, OP.
i would be in a similar boat. For lots of complex reasons I do not have a group of local friends.

In my main group of friends from school who I would’ve seen every weekend it all went wrong about 10 years ago. One girl (let’s call her Becky) has never liked me and she made it her job to convince others they didn’t either. It was one of the worst times of my life and I am not sure if he will ever get over it. I ended up cutting contact and I have suffered as a result ever since. I should’ve handled things differently but at the time I was struggling with lots of other problems and I couldn’t think clearly.
A difficult marriage (where I have all life/house/admin responsibility), the need to be the breadwinner (so long hours at work) and 3 kids means I have not been able to make more friends, mainly because I feel I don’t know what my personality is. I am either too tired to have a personality or all I can hear when I am with new people is Becky’s voice in my head criticising me so I shrink away and I am too scared to try to make friends.

i hope your situation is not as sad as mine but it’s useful sometimes to try and work out what has happened to get to the place you’re in.

One of my (and other single friends have said the same) pet hates is when someone’s DH / partner is away for the weekend or a period of time and suddenly I’ll get messages from friends who I wouldn’t normally see for dust at the weekend as they will be with their DH or doing things with other couples

@beasmithwentworth - I totally get how that would be annoying! Conversely, when a single parent friend of mine moved to our village, I invited her to Sunday lunch. She knew DH and our DC were small and would play together. She replied - "oooh no - I couldn't intrude on family time!"

I hope your DD is doing ok now.

Sounds like a dream to do absolutely nothing for the weekend!

I do, but a small number.

I have moved several times so some friendships have waned a bit. I would say I find it harder than the average person to make close connections. Just my personality.

It sounds like you have friends and family but not near you or available this particular weekend.

Do you want more local friends? Maybe see if there's anything on locally where you could start making them? Hobby groups, book clubs etc?

I'm in a similar boat, in that my friends are either far flung or busy on weekends. I don't actually mind this, but I also have dog walking friends and such, who I tend to meet (unintended normally but we're on the same schedule mostly) when I take the dog out. Some of these have become quite good friends but still wouldn't be a "weekend plans" friend, because that's not how our lives work.

Weekend plans when you have small children tend to involve advance planning so that all the kids are looked after / accounted for etc.

Absolutely, I would be alone with the dog. I would see parents, but I have to go.

I was late diagnosed ADHD, I've always struggled to maintain friendships, I have lots of my friends SM, but i've not seen a lot of them in a long time.

I would love the weekend to myself though - a whole weekend with the TV remote, order whatever takeaway I would like, whole bed to myself 😂

I mean, it just sounds like your DH being away has fallen on a weekend where your friends have other plans - I think that’s fairly common but it’s hardly the same as genuinely having nobody to see at weekends, ever.