Anyone else have no one to spend time with if their DH/DP were to go away for the weekend

[Toeragg]

Today DH is going to see DD (who is working in Europe for a couple of years) and I will spend the weekend completely alone - not by choice.

Anyone else who would be in the same boat?

Is that pressure coming from him, though, or from you? I’m quite introverted and enjoy lots of time alone, and I’d be baffled if my husband felt he had a responsibility to make sure I socialised to the level that he enjoyed. I see this often with people who are naturally extroverted, where they assume everyone else has a similar social drive to them, and if they’re not ‘getting out there’ to the same extent it’s a problem to be fixed.

Firstly a weekend completely alone is an introverts (my) dream!

Secondly, no! I have a group of very carefully gathered fabulous friends and family around me.

I was a fully functional adult with a life and interests and people around me before I met my DH, I was not going to suddenly stop all of that because I got together with him.

If I chose to, I could grab a coffee and cake with someone lovely over a weekend alone.

When I first started living with DH (many moons ago) he kept telling me I needed to "make more friends" because he went out with his a fair bit and I didn't go out as much.

It took him a while to learn that I went out less by choice. I love my friends, but I'm very happy in my own company and pottering about at home/with the dog and I actually need the time on my own.

Some people are social and others not so much.

What is wrong with being on your own for a day /weekend unless there is a medical need that requires an attendant to be avaialble?

This!

My mum always tells me I should “get out there” more and not spend so many weekends at home but honestly - I don’t want to. I love my own company and am quite content pottering about my own house.

Thing is, OP, it sounds like you do have other people in your life, even a friend you regularly see on a Saturday but she just happens to be away. You don't sound like you are truly alone other than DH.

Me. I'd be on my todd. No family near, no close friends. He'd probably have the car, we live rural so limited going out and doing lovely things(apart from dog walking-again) But it will be the same for him when i go away. We've become terribly insular.

I will be fine. I'm content in my own company and will keep myself occupied. My point is that if I wanted to see someone, there is no one.

So I thought I'd start a chat with others who might be in the same boat. It's not really a thread for those with family nearby or lots of friends but I'm not the Thread Police so can't bar them.

🙂smiley face so it can be seen I'm not being defensive 🙂

Do you have people you could have made plans with in advance? Or is it more than you have no one you can call on last minute?

I think most people with young children don't have many people they could just "drop in" on or call last minute for a coffee, because the majority have their own families and plans anyway. Doesn't matter how many friends or family you have, last minute is last minute.

If it's that there's no one at all you could plan with in advance that's different.

My DH is an Airline pilot so I spend many weekends and sometimes much longer alone with the DC, I don't want to sound horrible but as much as I love DH I do enjoy my time alone, I can watch what I want on TV (no car repair programs!) no cooking, the DC are teenagers so spend much of their time in their bedroom. I also love it that when I tidy the house before I go to work the house stays tidy when I get home it's lush, maybe use this time to do the things you want or catch up on jobs you've been putting off?
Just to add nearest family is two hours away...

I understand what you are saying here OP. You do have friends but not a huge group, and they aren’t necessarily available on a weekend. I think a lot of people would be in this position, myself included. I certainly do have friends, but I couldn’t guarantee that one of them would be available during the weekend if DH went away. I’m considering whether I would specifically try to arrange something if my own DH was away, and I don’t think I would. I have a friend I see around once a month on a Saturday, but I wouldn’t particularly arrange to see her whilst DH was away. Probably less likely to actually, as I would have to be mindful to be back for the dog.

I actually think it’s good that you and your DH make trips to see your DD separately. Possibly you do this so that one of you is home to care for your dog, or possibly due to expense, but it means you both get to have deeper individual relationships with her, and that’s nice.

Yes, I know what you mean. I’m perfectly happy and able to spend extended amounts of time on my own. But if I did want to see other people there are occasions where I struggle. I live fairly near my parents but they are often busy or away. And I basically have three friendship groups with three of us in each and we tend to do stuff as a three which is always an absolute nightmare to get a date for! The likelihood is that the dates wouldn’t work for all three of one of those groups. So yes, I know where you’re coming from.

I think you are quoting the wrong person there. @GreyCarpet said nothing like that in her post. Indeed she was very empathetic and in a similar situation to the OP.

I feel quite sad reading this. OP has detailed how she is feeling about this and is likely looking for a chat about it

She has explained where he is going and why.

Theres been a pile of people saying how theyd love it or how amazingly full their lives are that they need a break. Why would anyone use another person's thread to tell her not to feel this way and make it about themselves.

OP I get it and I would be the same at weekends. Its hard.

I think my issue would be its the weekend. I have family close by that i could call on and I have a friend who I occasionally meet up with, however never on a weekend as I find most people are busy doing life stuff and I wouldn't want to intrude/spring myself on them/their time.

If id known anout it weeks in advance, and i really didnt want to be on my own, i would possibly have made arrangements to meet one of them.

I mean I live alone so spend an awful lot of time alone including some weekends so it wouldn't bother me, although obviously I do arrange to see people now and again for health reasons I am a bit limited.
In your situation I'd try and make a nice weekend of it, I always feel better if I have a plan.

I get it op. I have no one. No friends, no family. All I have in the world is dp and my two dds. Sometimes it gets to me but you just have to crack on and find things to keep you occupied to get through.

Deleted my post as not very helpful.

It is hard and I could very easily find myself on my own all weekend and wondering what I could do.

You say you have no family and then say you have two daughters 🤦🏼‍♀️

What are they then? Unrelated to you?

I have no family. Not even any children.

@Toeragg - glove punch.

I don’t understand why some posters are being so nasty, wit “I have fabulous friends gathered round me” - why the need to post this?! What a horrible mean person.

In the past I would have been thrilled to get rid of dh and the dcs for a bit of extended peace. Now the dcs have flown the nest it is a bit lonely if one has no plans.

I am in a very similar position. OP: the (lovely!) dog to look after and some occasional lunch-time friends. I could do plenty of activities alone, and it doesn’t bother me, it’s just nicer to have some company!

I think it's clear I meant other family. Family to spend time with if someone was away. Mum, dad, brothers, sisters, cousins, nan, uncles etc etc. I'm sorry for your circumstances but you don't need to be a pendant on a post of someone who is clearly struggling.

No it was insensitive at best....you essentially said you have no one and then said you have a partner and 2 kids in the same breath. In other words family.

You truly don't know what it's like to have no one and I dont know why you would say that.

I understand OP! I have friends who I see for exercise, neighbours we see socially but as a family, I have extended family locally but if DP and the kids were away I would be on my own.
No girl friends live locally anymore so I don't have my friends-friends around anymore.

My children aren't there to support me. I have a young baby and I am alone all day every single day until dp gets back. That is the point of the ops thread. If her DH goes away she has no one to spend time with. THAT is the whole point.

We’ve just moved miles away, so I’d be in that situation. I literally don’t know a soul within 100 miles.
House is a doer upper so we are getting that sorted, then I’m going to join some meet ups/groups to try and make friends locally.
Like you op, I’m more than happy in my own company but I definitely don’t have a local friendship group yet and yes, it can be lonely.