Should i let my children be looked after this person?

[YourDenimTraybake]

This is a delicate matter…
just wanted to hear peoples views.

A distant family member has gotten themself into a tricky situation where they can’t be around kids at the moment.

They are currently staying at a family members house until this is sorted out. We haven’t been for a while because they are staying there and we have children. But we do visit often under normal circumstances.

My kids are supposed to going in a few weeks for the day. Under normal circumstances i would be happy for them to go. However i have been told the person in question won’t be there, they will be a work.

Do you think it’s ok for my kids to still go. I’ve been told that they won’t be there at all whilst my kids are there.

I am a little worried, but only because I don’t wanna get into trouble doing the wrong thing.

Sorry if I’ve been vague. 🤦🏼‍♀️ don’t really know how to approach the situation.

Are you Sarah Ferguson?

The answer is No, you don’t have your DC around folk like this.

no

Do whatever works for you, but you’re doing more than that - you’re telling the OP what to do. Calling others ‘enablers’ based on zero evidence is the thin end of the wedge that ends in the murder of people who share names with convicted sex offenders, or setting fire to paediatrician’s offices.

No way.
I wouldn’t risk it.

If it is a misunderstanding/ witch hunt of an innocent person, there's lots of advantages for that poor person in complying strictly with whatever conditions have been imposed on them. They get the moral high ground.

Keeping your children away is protective of that distant family member of they've done nothing wrong (and potentially protective of your children if they have behaved badly).

This is how I'd explain it to the relatives the distant relative is staying with.

Innocent until proved guilty. You need to make careful decisions which err on the side of caution, and don't have your children there without you
No need to tar and feather anyone who still speaks to the alleged offender, either whilst on bail, or if found guilty

Nope. I would question your continuing relationship with this person as well for allowing someone like that in their home.

And edited to say MN has removed the post I was replying to so this no longer makes sense 😳

Would the other family members come to your house to spend time with your kids?
I wouldn't allow mine anywhere near their house whilst there was a risk of said person coming back whilst they are there .

This.

Hard no from me.

You sound like you're nervous about saying no too. I'd appreciate that it's tough. However, try not to make excuses or justifications or reasons as to why.
Just say "I'm afraid kids won't be able to come on X day". And change subject. I wouldn't give any reason or justification and I wouldn't be drawn on it.

If the person they're visiting is close to you and you usually trust them and your kids love them - then you could invite the person they're visiting to your home when you're around maybe.

If you’re asking on here, you’re obviously not sure, so it’s a hard no. Even if it’s 1% risk, you shouldn’t take it no no no.

Nope. Not worth the risk.

No. Non. Nein. Nyet
Trust your gut, this cannot end well.

The family member in the "tricky" position would be absolutely against your children visiting if they were genuine.

They'd want to protect themselves from further allegations and protect your children from being questioned if they did end up crossing paths.

A man I knew through work was wrongly accused of something (genuinely wasn't him - child said X's dad had touched them and it was actually X's stepdad. Stepdad was convicted) and during the investigation time they were super cautious and super protective of making sure no child was around them because the children who had to be interviewed by the police went through a horrible ordeal.

You also don't want to normalise going to the house while they live there.

I was about to ask if the family member's name was Andrew.

No way at all should your kids be going there make alternative arrangements

I would say no. If anything changed, and anything happened, you’d never forgive yourself.
meet out instead, have lunch etc

If the situation is as most people think it is (your brother or BIL) moving back to his parents or your in-laws after being accused of some form of child abuse, then no I would not send my kids there if it was me. Just not worth the risk. However, I would also understand that there’s a lot more nuance to the situation than simply “the parents are evil enablers who are clearly just as disgusting as him, don’t let your kids be around them either”! No. Anyone who has children SHOULD know that the love you have for your child is unconditional, and they must be in an extremely difficult position. It doesn’t mean they’re not disgusted by what he has ALLEGEDLY done. Still doesn’t mean they turn their backs on him allow him to become homeless. We also don’t have the full details. He has clearly not been convicted yet. Yes, protect your children at all costs but don’t judge parents for trying to do their best in what must be an impossible situation

NO

As others have said, the mere fact that these people are housing someone unsafe to be around children, then no, you don't take them there. If it was me, I'd have nothing to do with any of them. And if you have to seek guidance on a forum, about whether yoy should be protecting your own children from a potential predator, then there is something quite wrong in that too!

Nope. You can't be sure they won't come home early from work.

If you really have to ask if it's ok to send your kids to be around some one who's prepared to support a nonce even if said nonce won't be there, you really need to take a long hard look at yourself and get yourself on a boundaries and safe guarding course or something because I can't believe you're even considering this.

Can you children be looked after in the home of a paedophile? Really?

Depends how much you trust your sitters.

Tbh i wouldnt take my children to the home of people i doubted would keep them from an unsafe person at any time.

Also, appreciate your need for discretion but people arent baned from all children for nice reasons. Im not sure id like that this relative was happy to house the unsafe person at all