Son in Halls has been accused of stealing

[ShinyCaptain]

Son in halls has been accused of stealing drinks from someone else's shelf in the fridge. He's had a note left by his room door.

He is quite sure he's never drunkenly or accidentally taken anything & he's freaking out because the note said something like 'you owe me money for the drinks you've stolen' so its not even attempting to fact find or be reasonable.

Note was signed but he doesn't know which lad it is. He's a bit marginal in the flat. Doesn't know who's who.

I ran it by chat gpt which suggested a note in the kitchen which says:

"I’ve had a note left under my door accusing me of taking drinks and asking for money.
I haven’t taken anything from anyone else’s shelf.
If there’s a concern, I’m happy to talk it through calmly and clear it up."

Son is shy, quiet & freaking out. He has drafted a note which reads

"I've had a note left under my door accusing me of stealing drinks from the fridge, and asking me for money.

I haven't stolen anything from anyone.

I've bought some ciders, they're in the fridge. Feel free to grab a couple.

If I get a note like that again, I'm going to take it up with Unite"

Which I think would be disastrous. Buying ciders looks guilty and being threatening is upping the ante. I think this note is a bad idea.

He doesn't want to involve Unite (yet).

I think on balance that he probably didn't take anything. It sounds out of character. I don't 100% know though.

YABU - let him handle it his way

YANBU - your note is better

Or can you think of a third way?

If he definitely didn't do it I'd ignore completely and not even bother with a note

Good lord! stay out of it.

I'd let him handle it his way. This is all part of growing up.

My DS had a messages about not washing up. When he got back they were not his dishes but someone else's so he left them.

I agree with you, OP, and actually if I were him I would find out who this person is from others and just go and speak to them.

Also, Unite is a workers' union. It would be the Student Union on campus he'd need to speak to but I very much doubt they'd get involved over a note.

Why are you even involved?

Unite is the name of a big student accommodation provider… if he’s in their accommodation; he could well talk to them.

He asked my advice because he's worried.

I would say he’s got more to worry about if he doesn’t even know the names of the people he lives with!

How many people live in his flat? Doesn't he know them?

I understand the urge to help him sort it out, but i do think this is one he needs to sort by himself. My preferred solution would be writing "not me, so bugger off" on the note and sticking it to the fridge, but you probably have to be quite a robust character to get away with that.

I wouldn’t get involved but your note is better.

Everyone got the same note... they're waiting for someone to own up.

Your son should sit tight.

If he is worried over this he has bigger problems, he did nothing so he moves on it is not EastEnders

You need to encourage him to be able to talk to the people he lives with to resolve these minor issues. He’s not learning any useful life skills by sending notes and hiding away.

Does anyone do anything without Chat GPT anymore?! My god.

Did you really need to ask ChatGPT for ideas on how to write a note?

Oh bless him. It must be so hard. Uni can be really difficult if you're a bit shy and haven't found your people in your flat. Has he other friends he can live with next year?
I wouldn't be leaving a note at all, but I do feel for him. I'd be anxious in this situation too, he's not unreasonable for that.

X posted, glad I’m not the only one.

Leave it be. Your time to get involved with this stuff is over. My DD got accused of parking in some girls space at halls last week. They sorted it I didn’t even think of getting involved tbh.

You can certainly talk it through with him but asking ChatGPT & drafting a note is bonkers.

Writing a note at all is bonkers.

He should ignore it, or ask who left it & talk to them. Any note is making a mountain out of a molehill.

The idea that he’d raise with the housing provider …!

Tell him to ignore it. No notes.

So ideally your son would feel confident to reach out to the other students in his hall. But for whatever reason he doesn’t feel like he can. But of course he should talk to someone about this if it’s causing him concern, and I think PPs are being a bit harsh. Your wording is better than his, of course it is - you’ve got way more life experience. If this was my child, I’d be encouraging him to talk to his flatmates , but if he really can’t and a note is all he can manage, then I’d tone yours down even further eg,. “I’ve had a note under my door because someone thinks I may have taken their drinks. It wasn’t me, and I hope the drinks turn up.”

Odd all round.

I think this is probably it, they're seeing who will own up.

I think offering cider makes him look guilty, and threatening people will not help him be friends with any of his roommates, not suggest the one who has had drink taken.

Your note suggestion is better, but I also think he could just ignore it. If the person really thinks he stole it then I'm sure he'll speak to him if the note is ignored. But I do agree he's probably just hoping someone will own up.

The best option is to just ignore it like everyone else he lives with will be doing.

Why on earth did you run it through Chat Gpt instead of telling him to talk to his flatmates?
I suggest you stay out of it as your advice is ridiculous.