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AIBU?

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Original poster

Son in Halls has been accused of stealing

177 replies

ShinyCaptain · 04/02/2026 19:26

Son in halls has been accused of stealing drinks from someone else's shelf in the fridge. He's had a note left by his room door.

He is quite sure he's never drunkenly or accidentally taken anything & he's freaking out because the note said something like 'you owe me money for the drinks you've stolen' so its not even attempting to fact find or be reasonable.

Note was signed but he doesn't know which lad it is. He's a bit marginal in the flat. Doesn't know who's who.

I ran it by chat gpt which suggested a note in the kitchen which says:

"I’ve had a note left under my door accusing me of taking drinks and asking for money.
I haven’t taken anything from anyone else’s shelf.
If there’s a concern, I’m happy to talk it through calmly and clear it up."

Son is shy, quiet & freaking out. He has drafted a note which reads

"I've had a note left under my door accusing me of stealing drinks from the fridge, and asking me for money.

I haven't stolen anything from anyone.

I've bought some ciders, they're in the fridge. Feel free to grab a couple.

If I get a note like that again, I'm going to take it up with Unite"

Which I think would be disastrous. Buying ciders looks guilty and being threatening is upping the ante. I think this note is a bad idea.

He doesn't want to involve Unite (yet).

I think on balance that he probably didn't take anything. It sounds out of character. I don't 100% know though.

YABU - let him handle it his way

YANBU - your note is better

Or can you think of a third way?

OP posts:
Netcurtainnelly · 04/02/2026 21:10

Just ignore it. Not everything needs an answer. I wouldn't be saying grab a few ciders either.

TheJoyousHiker · 04/02/2026 21:10

In all probability, someone else said that it was your DS that took the drinks to deflect. If it was me, I’d simply get the note and add a sentence saying, definitely wasn’t me and stick the note on the fridge door.

Audhumla · 04/02/2026 21:11

I'd advise him not to write notes in any kind of conflict situation, it's childish and never resolves anything. I remember being in student housing and the pass agg note writers never got anywhere with them.

He should ignore the silly note and try to talk to his fellow students. University is about growing up and he can't do it holding his mum's hand and avoiding actual contact with his peers.

Try to gently encourage him to start behaving a bit more like an adult. It won't come all at once but it won't come at all without diving in and getting some experience.

thestudio · 04/02/2026 21:17

Lots of responses here clearly don't have kids in modern halls - very easy not to know the name of all your 'flatmates' as it's much more like an HMO than a cosy house share.

hey - not sure who left the note under my door about drinks going missing from the fridge. wasn’t me btw but happy to chat if we can dial the drama down a bit 👍

saraclara · 04/02/2026 21:17

I agree with sticking the original note on the fridge, with 'not me, mate' written on it. And then getting on with his life.

KilkennyCats · 04/02/2026 21:20

thestudio · 04/02/2026 21:17

Lots of responses here clearly don't have kids in modern halls - very easy not to know the name of all your 'flatmates' as it's much more like an HMO than a cosy house share.

hey - not sure who left the note under my door about drinks going missing from the fridge. wasn’t me btw but happy to chat if we can dial the drama down a bit 👍

They still get to know each other?

LeafyMcLeafFace · 04/02/2026 21:20

@ShinyCaptain ignore all the responses from people who are being really negative and unhelpful. I work in a university in student support and it’s really not unusual for students to not know the names of people they live with, and not unusual for people to leave notes about stolen beer / food / plates etc. The accommodation provider would usually have some support on site if he’s struggling and needs someone to advocate but for now, stay out of it but give him some emotional support to leave a note on the fridge or his door saying sorry to hear your cans went missing, it wasn’t me I’m afraid. I’m not a fan of it. Hope you get to the bottom of it - or something along those lines. Ideally he would leave it on the persons door but if he doesn’t know who that is, obviously he can’t do that.

soupyspoon · 04/02/2026 21:21

I think this problem, his worries and anxiety about this, show that we infantilise kids so much. By 18 I had been working part time while still at school and college for 3 years, in a variety of shops and kiosks, having responsbility for locking up and opening up, stock rotation, cashing up, reporting etc all of which involves navigating relationships, good communication etc.

Kids now just dont get involved in things which develops these skills.

Please dissuade him from any idea of contacting the property company, they'll just laugh at it. Its a minor irritation for him thats all. Ignore.

Sensiblesal · 04/02/2026 21:26

You had to run it through chat gpt to work out what to say, my goodness.

people aren’t going to be able to think for themselves soon.

HundredMilesAnHour · 04/02/2026 21:32

soupyspoon · 04/02/2026 21:21

I think this problem, his worries and anxiety about this, show that we infantilise kids so much. By 18 I had been working part time while still at school and college for 3 years, in a variety of shops and kiosks, having responsbility for locking up and opening up, stock rotation, cashing up, reporting etc all of which involves navigating relationships, good communication etc.

Kids now just dont get involved in things which develops these skills.

Please dissuade him from any idea of contacting the property company, they'll just laugh at it. Its a minor irritation for him thats all. Ignore.

Exactly this!!!

LeafyMcLeafFace · 04/02/2026 21:33

Please dissuade him from any idea of contacting the property company, they'll just laugh at it.

Unite has a brilliant student support offer and people shouldn’t be dissuaded from seeking support, even for stuff like this. My experience is that they will never be laughed at.

If any students or parents are reading this please, please don’t be put off seeking help if you’re struggling.

Doublebubblegum · 04/02/2026 21:35

I work in student accommodation. Unfortunately these days it's entirely standard for parents to micro manage every single aspect of their adult son's and daughter's lives. This absolutely did not happen to the same extent 10 years ago. Some parents have completely unreasonable expectations around the realities of communal living.

I'm not directing this at you OP, I actually think it's nice your son can talk to you and ask your advice about an issue he's having. But just reading some of the comments (ie check CCTV, ask to move room etc) that's just so disproportionate to something that's almost par for the course when living in shared accommodation with people you don't know.

LucyLoo1972 · 04/02/2026 21:36

ShinyCaptain · 04/02/2026 19:36

He asked my advice because he's worried.

he doesnt need ot worry - this is not a big thing and I recall it happened all the time! I was very sensitive though so I can understand

Ritasueandbobtoo9 · 04/02/2026 21:40

I am not the Raider of the Fridge.

In my uni days it would say Fuck off Cuntz.

GreenCaterpillarOnALeaf · 04/02/2026 21:44

Do not put free booze in the communal fridge… please do not let him do that. “Feel free to take one” no, someone’s just gonna take the lot. He looks like an easy mark and a mug. I’m not normally for parents stepping in, but don’t let him do that. Wait it out or stand his ground. I was in uni 6 years ago, lived in a unite accommodation, unite will do nothing.

soupyspoon · 04/02/2026 21:54

LeafyMcLeafFace · 04/02/2026 21:33

Please dissuade him from any idea of contacting the property company, they'll just laugh at it.

Unite has a brilliant student support offer and people shouldn’t be dissuaded from seeking support, even for stuff like this. My experience is that they will never be laughed at.

If any students or parents are reading this please, please don’t be put off seeking help if you’re struggling.

A note on a fridge?!!!

Motheranddaughter · 04/02/2026 21:56

He is at Uni not pre school
Keep out of it

BitOutOfPractice · 04/02/2026 21:56

plentyofsunshine · 04/02/2026 19:29

Good lord! stay out of it.

This.

and Unite? Good grief!

LarsenBiceshelf · 04/02/2026 21:56

Sensiblesal · 04/02/2026 21:26

You had to run it through chat gpt to work out what to say, my goodness.

people aren’t going to be able to think for themselves soon.

I know - what's a bot going to be able to tell you about human emotional interaction? I despair...

mamabeth · 04/02/2026 22:08

99pwithaflake · 04/02/2026 19:32

Why are you even involved?

Because it's her son and she cares about his welfare and mental wellbeing. Is it that difficult?

Sartre · 04/02/2026 22:11

Why did chat GPT need to write that note? He needs to be a big boy and talk to his flatmates. Just explain it wasn’t him, he isn’t sure who it was. Simple as that really.

Lugga · 04/02/2026 22:11

StrawberryJamAndRaspberryPie · 04/02/2026 20:42

Just tell him to stick a note to the door saying ‘I haven’t taken any drinks - come talk to me in person’.

It’s a cowardly person who does it via note. How do they expect him to pay them if he doesn’t know who it is? Anyway, he didn’t do it so it’s not his problem they’re probably hoping the notes (likely multiple) will flush out the thief.

Show quote history

I like this, either on a note or said in person. Teflon is what's needed. And brevity always looks more convincing.

I would hazard the others have all talked and all said robustly that it wasn't them, so they've decided it must be him. His best defence is to be equally convincing that it wasn't him. Think batting the accusation away lightly without entertaining it for a second - of course it wasn't him.

At this stage even more than before, I think all parenting is just winging it. But I agree with you that buying the cider looks like an admission of guilt.

TheDenimPoet · 04/02/2026 22:16

Literally just ignore the note. If someone has something to say they can say it to his face. Are you sure they didn't post a note under everyone's door, in the hope the guilty person would come forward?

Anyway -

  1. No proof
  2. Sadly this happens at uni, always has, always will
  3. Keep anything that doesn't need to be in the fridge, in your room

I had a box of dried food in my room, kept my bread and cereal there and, after things got really bad, even got a little mini fridge to keep my milk in.

Icecreamlover63 · 04/02/2026 22:22

If your son has asked for advice then talk to him. I remember when my daughters were at Uni and they did ring and ask advice. I usually asked them how they thought it best to handle the situation and then I agreed with them. Young adults feel empowered if they thought they had sorted out any given situation themselves. I wish you both well and hope your Son makes his decision and sticks with it. I’m confident this is a minor blip.

Willyoushutthefrontdoor · 04/02/2026 22:30

Daughter was accused of the same in a 6 bed unite unit. She wrote in the group chat...think you have the wrong person as i havent taken a thing! Then it got weird. DD decided to move out as unite staff were shit at handling anything and once a complaint is made thats all they seemed bothered about. Ironically my daughter was the only one with a car so regularly got lots of shopping and helped others out. She wouldnt need to steal anything. On the day we went to collect her stuff they had turned it all upside down in the fridge. It appears some people out there are raising proper freaks. She came back home and is trying it again after summer break in the hope people are better.