Always the patient girlfriend waiting on potential

[Hellohi00]

I’ve always been the patient girlfriend, waiting for potential, hoping he would “get there” one day. Over time it’s meant I naturally become the provider. I often end up paying just to actually do things I/we would like to do. It’s always that awkward tension when he walks away while I pay. Even when I do get treated, it comes with the usual “I’ve got no money” conversation and the guilt of he’s not got it. I’m 26 now, and I can’t help but wonder will I ever be the girl who gets treated, who gets a softer, easier life, or am I always going to be the one carrying and adjusting my expectations? The one investing and lifting him up but never being in the other seat.

Is this just how life is? Has anyone else been in this situation

Potential has no place in your thoughts. If he never showered and had horrific BO, should you ignore it because of his potential to smell nice after a shower? Find someone who’s nice now.
But the ’soft life’ thing is leading you astray too. Find something mutal.

YABU because you are staying in a relationship with someone who clearly has no intention of taking responsibility for his own life. Move on whilst its still relatively easy to do so.

I don't really see what discussing it would achieve - if you are someone who wants to build a mutually stable and secure life together with someone else and it seems clear he will never be the other half of that relationship, you need to move on. If it feels imbalanced now imagine what it will feel like if you start wanting to live together or even have kids together, for example.

Will I ever be the girl who gets treated, who gets a softer, easier life, or am I always going to be the one carrying and adjusting my expectations?

That's up to you and the choices you make. You've chosen a boyfriend who walks away when things need to be paid for.

Resentment will grow bigger the longer you stay with him.

Thi guy's never going to give you a soft life. You're the provider. He's got a low wage, he's got debt, and you pay for the privilege of having him around. That's your reality.

If you don't like that reality, break up.

This isn’t how life should be, and you absolutely should not give up and accept your ‘fate’ at your age, you have your whole life in front of you and it doesn’t have to be like this. Leave him.

No.

He has already shown you who he is believe him - words are cheap he'll likely just keep you dangling with vauge promises of change for another year or so.

Throw this one back and ask more questions going forward.

Why can't you eat at his? Or not eat at all and just enjoy each others company?

DO NOT let him move in, even if he becomes homeless. He will be a cocklodger for sure. Better to let him go now though.

no it isn't. every relationship isn't forever. sometimes things end that are no longer serving your or the other person that is life.

its really important to be able to end things, rather than letting them drag on and do yourself more and more harm. there is no home or children. choose yourself for once.

write down what you want to say, don't make it long and protracted. don't get into a back and forth. don't agree to meet up. end it, block him, mourn it and move on.

I know it's easier said than done but you can never start your future until this guy becomes your past.

Yea no sorry but you shouldn't be waiting it should already be there

If he's too broke for your dates, girl DUMP HIM.

I left a broke man when I was 25. He was 32. I was working hard, earning, and he was... broke😂

You will NEVER regret leaving this one. And raise your standards so you don't waste your youth on clowns.

i have just left 2 years of that situation after got in deep after ending a 24 year...will i ever learn.....yes now. He is gone, i am on my own spending no-where near as much and not walking on eggshells. it wont change get out now. good luck OP

Be intentional about who you date.

lots of men who aren’t broke!

I had a boyfriend like this once. I mean, he was genuinely skint so I didn't really mind much.

Then I broke up with him for various reasons and got with my (now) husband.

And I realized generosity isn't just about money. It's about someone being kind. We've been together for years and for some of those times we have been really strapped for cash but if we couldn't afford to go for dinner he would do things like cook something really lovely out of cheaper ingredients, or do surprise picnics. Or pick me flowers or other free things. There was never a question that if we couldn't afford to do something I'd pay - we did lovely free things that he'd arrange.

I think that's the goal really. I bet when you think about it it's not money - it's the fact he doesn't care enough and just lets you sort and pay for things.

Throw this one back op. You want to be with someone who treat you. They don't even have to have money but does thoughtful gestures, wouldnt dream of going on a date costing money unless they can pay.

you are so young, please dump this loser.

so why should you suffer as a result?

I voted YABU because why are you still there?

What’s wrong with his house? I’m guessing he’s still living with parents? Next time you tell him to pick some food up at Tesco on his way round

Although really I agree with everyone else. Time to cut him loose and find yourself an equal partner.

Just stop dating construction projects.

Simple.

You talk of "potential" - but what does that mean? Is he qualified in anything? Does he have any dreams or hopes for his future. Maybe what he does now is the most you can expect. If you want a partner with more ready cash and able to play an equal part, then you'll have to end your relationship.

Unless you decide to raise your standards then yeah.
It should be the two of you on an even footing .
Does he have a child .. high rent .. mediocre pay.
Your with him.

You are an enabler
set some firm boundaries it will help your self -esteem!

Tell him that the deal is you both alternate paying for things or you'll dump him for being a sponger.